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AIBU?

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Original poster

Have I over reacted? DH not home ( again) but is on his way.

165 replies

Iatetotheparty · 23/12/2019 19:59

We can’t be together for Christmas as DH working. We have this evening and most of tomorrow together. We don’t get much time to ourselves so I was looking forward to this evening.

We agreed we would cook a meal together after I finished work and have a quiet evening in.

He texted me at lunch time to say he was going out for a few drinks and getting a kebab . I didn’t reply.

As I arrive home and he phoned to say he’s on his way. I’m sure he was but I flipped and told him not to bother. I don’t doubt he meant well and would be home with his kebab in hand expecting me to settle down to an evening with him.

That was an hour ago. Because I shouted I’m guessing he’s staying out now , ie reverting to his normal default behaviour. He has form for this. It’s not a Christmas one off.

I’m thinking of getting in the car and driving to my Aunts 500 miles away for Christmas even if he does come home any time soon. I’ve had enough. I am supposed to be staying at home to sort out his needs between his long shifts.

OP posts:
Batshittery · 23/12/2019 20:36

You would still have had the evening together - without the cooking. Sounds like a bonus to me.

Sparklesocks · 23/12/2019 20:37

I can understand why you’re upset, you had plans for a night in and cooking together and he’s seemingly sacked it off. Even if he’d said ‘instead of cooking let me bring something nice home for us both’ that would’ve been better than just getting a kebab for himself. It sounds like you’re at the end of your tether with him.

category12 · 23/12/2019 20:42

You would still have had the evening together - without the cooking There's no mention of there being a kebab for her. She says his kebab in hand.

Shoxfordian · 23/12/2019 20:48

Yeah I think you've overreacted as well

Original poster
Iatetotheparty · 23/12/2019 20:50

Thanks for replies. I know DH, bringing home a Kebab is pretty much code for getting drunk. It’s the only time he eats them.

OP posts:
HouseworkAvoider10 · 23/12/2019 20:50

Go to your aunts.

BillieEilish · 23/12/2019 20:51

It's Christmas and you posted just before 8pm, saying he was on his way home FFS.

Make yourself some pasta. Get a glass of wine.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 23/12/2019 20:52

I'd go given it's not a rare occurrence.

HowDoYouLikeThoseSuedeApples · 23/12/2019 20:53

He sounds incredibly self centred, say Hello to your Aunt from me.

BillieEilish · 23/12/2019 20:53

No, no, get your 'ducks in a row', leave him, drive 500 miles and spend Christmas with your Aunt. 'Massive red flags' Do the freedom programme. He's an alcoholic.

Really? Is this how you deal with everything?

BusterGonad · 23/12/2019 20:54

It's impossible to say without knowing the full history but there's no way I'd drive 500 miles to see my aunt!

BillieEilish · 23/12/2019 20:54

So what if he's drunk?

Batshittery · 23/12/2019 20:55

He texted me at lunch time to say he was going out for a few drinks and getting a kebab . I didn’t reply.
As I arrive home and he phoned to say he’s on his way. I’m sure he was but I flipped and told him not to bother. I don’t doubt he meant well and would be home with his kebab in hand expecting me to settle down to an evening with him.

He obv wasn't drunk when he suggested the kebab, as he hadn't yet gone out. OP could have replied and asked for one too. OP shouted at him before knowing if he had the kebab.

It seems an overreaction to me

PixieDustt · 23/12/2019 20:57

Not an over reaction at all when they agreed they'd have a night in together and have a home cooked meal and some quality time together. He's decided to be a selfish dick. I hope his kebab is really shit.

Original poster
Iatetotheparty · 23/12/2019 20:57

Billie. That’s exactly what I have done.

OP posts:
category12 · 23/12/2019 20:57

OP was hoping for a nice meal & evening in with her bloke - instead she'd be getting drunken git who's eaten a kebab and will be crappy company.

As a one-off, you might sigh and roll your eyes, but as she's said he's got form for doing this, she's massively pissed off. Understandably.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 23/12/2019 20:58

It sounds like he has been drinking all afternoon, does that sound about right to you? So he knew that your Christmas plans were pretty much just to spend tonight together, but instead he has gone drinking and your cosy night together will be at best tense.

Pack a bag and phone your aunt to let her know you are on your way. Use the time away to think very carefully about your future.

BillieEilish · 23/12/2019 20:59

Just do what you want OP we don't know the extent of the backstory, but to 49 married with a DC me, this is bollox. It is absolutely NOTHING. Live with it.

You are young, clearly.

Original poster
Iatetotheparty · 23/12/2019 21:01

And a cheese board to myself. I don’t eat kebabs as I’m vegetarian . That’s part of the reason I’m annoyed. He left me completely out of his plan for the evening. Mates beer kebab. He could not have been more clear.

OP posts:
Allinadaystwerk · 23/12/2019 21:01

Billie has the right idea

BillieEilish · 23/12/2019 21:02

Well, I love a veggie kebab.

You want a row.

1Morewineplease · 23/12/2019 21:02

Driving 500 miles to get away from your husband, at Christmas time due to being late seems like an overreaction.
You say he has form for this. Have you talked about it?
You say you shouted, no wonder that he’s reluctant to come home.
You both need to talk. Running 500 miles away isn’t going to solve this.

Original poster
Iatetotheparty · 23/12/2019 21:03

I’m 49 as well. DH is 50. So on top of. I’m too old for this type of behaviour .

OP posts:
Hanab · 23/12/2019 21:03

We can’t be together for Christmas as DH working. We have this evening and most of tomorrow together. We don’t get much time to ourselves so I was looking forward to this evening.

Anyone who said OP is over reacting or its okay to get drunk its xmas Di you read her first paragraph?

I would be livid

BillieEilish · 23/12/2019 21:04

Christ, you sound like my sister. Never will be happy, not ever.

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