Have I over reacted? DH not home ( again) but is on his way.

[Iatetotheparty]

We can’t be together for Christmas as DH working. We have this evening and most of tomorrow together. We don’t get much time to ourselves so I was looking forward to this evening.

We agreed we would cook a meal together after I finished work and have a quiet evening in.

He texted me at lunch time to say he was going out for a few drinks and getting a kebab . I didn’t reply.

As I arrive home and he phoned to say he’s on his way. I’m sure he was but I flipped and told him not to bother. I don’t doubt he meant well and would be home with his kebab in hand expecting me to settle down to an evening with him.

That was an hour ago. Because I shouted I’m guessing he’s staying out now , ie reverting to his normal default behaviour. He has form for this. It’s not a Christmas one off.

I’m thinking of getting in the car and driving to my Aunts 500 miles away for Christmas even if he does come home any time soon. I’ve had enough. I am supposed to be staying at home to sort out his needs between his long shifts.

Op why are you still waiting to go to your aunts. I think you deserve to be around someone who loves you and cares for you and won't throw you aside cos their mates said let's go get pissed.
You looked after his family needs and put his needs first, you both had plans which he ignored.

1. His text to you was not asking for your opinion or permission rather dictating to you about what his plans are
2. If he has been drinking since lunch he will not be fit company, but sluggish and tired
3. He sorted his own dinner out I stead of coming home for a meal with you, not caring about what you will eat

Please stop putting this selfish man ahead of your own needs and emotional well being. You deserve better and you are right he will not value you or change until he has Co sequences for his Inconsideration. Please go to your aunts and let him sort himself out.

I find it difficult to believe that there are women on this thread who defend the alleged right of man to go and get pissed instead of sticking to the agreed plan of having a nice dinner with his wife.
Who of those saying she overreacted would really prefer to have a festive dinner with their drunk partner?
Go to your aunt OP and don’t be a doormat.

You have arranged Christmas without your DC so that you can look after him and spend time with him when he is off shift; after cooking and entertaining a houseful of guests on the weekend; at the same time as doing a full-time job. He has gone out after work for drinks, brought himself food home he knows you don’t eat, and is now sulking in another part of the house.

It is not setting the bar low to be unhappy about this. From what you say, this is not the first time this has gone on.

I think even if you do not go to your aunt’s (and a 500 mile drive is a lot at short notice), then use the quiet time you have this week to make plans for a better future. This really should be the last time you prioritise his needs over your own (including for time with your DC).

I think he’s been massively unreasonable and thoughtless. You made plans together and he basically ditched them, getting drunk and eating alone. I’d be in my way to my Aunts!

Hope that you are either at or well on your way to your Aunt's Op.

" defend the alleged right of man to go and get pissed instead of sticking to the agreed plan of having a nice dinner with his wife."

That's probably others who put up with similar shit!

@Iatetotheparty there are a few things you've said on this thread which worry me. Him calling the shots on when family visit, never negotiating what he does, wanting you to be alone at Christmas so he can have peace to go to work and facilitating him. (whatever that is) he could just be a dick. But there are also some potentially controlling things there. I'm pointing this out as sometimes we don't see these things when we're close to them.

Question to ask yourself: If you behaved the way he does, would there be a relationship?

Honestly, we have all been there waiting for the return from the lads lunch. We get worked up because we know he will be late and somewhere between tipsy and pissed whilst you sit there waiting.

I had with my ex, but I certainly haven’t with my husband because he isn’t selfish and doesn’t drop me to go get pissed with his mates!

@LemonTT have we... ? I certainly haven't waited around for my partner to finish getting pissed with "the lads". He isn't 17 and if we isn't a disrespectful wanker.

I would go to the aunt’s if I was in your position, and let him shift for himself. Maybe he will get the point when he’s not being waited on hand and foot by someone who has subordinated their own Christmas preferences just to suit him.

Hope you have gone to your aunts op. Those defending your DH clearly have never lived with an irresponsible drunk. You said he has form so this is clearly the last straw for you.
I get you. My exDH ruined a milestone birthday for me, several Christmas and New Years because of his excessive drinking and unreliability. We split days before Christmas years ago because I simply couldn’t face another special occasion being ruined for the DC and myself. At 50 he won’t change, get rid.

Hope you went to your Aunt's.

Just because some PPs think it is ok - it does not mean it actually IS.

My DH does not ask for permission but he does consider me and he does not cancel plans that have been made specifically around him to get drunk and have a kebab.

Tell him to fuck off and find yourself someone who puts you first or you'll have years of this.

Hope you're at your aunt's @Iatetotheparty. Spend this time with somebody who really cares about you.

Go and see a solicitor in the new year.

Every year my Christmas would be ruined by my ex who would finish a night shift on christmas eve morning, go to bed until early lunch time, the out for a few drinks, arrive home pissed, fall asleep on the sofa until 9-10 pm then ask what we were having to eat, try to get back into the Christmas spirit etc, then wonder why I was pissed off. Each year I would get all the presents, sort the children's presents , baths , traditions out for the day, prep all the food, just to keep up the happy family pretence, after many years of sadness and wasted time I divorced him, the best thing I ever did, Christmas is now what it should be for our family

Go to your aunt! He is a selfish prick. You are def NOT being unreasonable.

You should go and leave him to it. He obviously does not give a shit so go be with someone who values and appreciates your company....x

Update. I think someone further up the thread wondered if I would actually go to my Aunts.
I did, I’m here now.
Merry Christmas Everyone.

Merry Christmas! @latetotheparty have a wonderful day x

Merry Christmas OP

Hope you and your aunt have the loveliest day!! 🎅 🎄 🎁 🍾 x

Good stuff have a lovely day.

latetotheparty I just read all your posts and most of the thread.

Merry Christmas to you and your Aunt!!

Hi I'm getting email notifications for this thread but I didn't start it?! I've been LateToTheParty for a several years on here, not sure how there's two of us now.

Better contact MNHQ.

Thanks have done