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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling disgusted by friend’s DD’s salary

730 replies

DisgustedParent · 23/12/2019 15:51

Best friend’s DD is the same age as mine (26) and we’ve known each other since both DD’s were born. My DD went off to uni but struggled to find a job after her degree and has ended up working in a call centre (financial services) where she is paid very poorly, has to work unsociable hours and is not treated well by management at all. It’s awful to watch her struggling to get by after rent and bills, knowing that despite working long hours, she may never own a property of her own or be able to afford to do all of the things she wants to do in life. My friend knows all about DD’s struggles and my worries for her as we are very close.

Her DD went straight in to an apprenticeship after school at 16 and landed herself in a role in Data Protection. Over the years she’s completed all sorts of professional certifications in the field and worked her way up, but never did a degree. I hear today from my friend that she has just accepted a senior management data protection role at the same large financial firm where my DD works. Friend has gleefully told me that her DD will be earning an eye watering £70,000 per year along with all sorts of benefits such as home working, health insurance, allocated parking... all of which of course aren’t available to my DD despite working for the same employer.

AIBU in feeling absolutely furious about this on DD’s behalf and thinking that there is something so very wrong about a company which pays its front line workers the absolute minimum, with no benefits whatsoever, whereas those with more ‘fancy’ job roles who probably don’t do an awful lot at all (and friend’s DD at 26 is still barely old enough to be out of school!) get to swan in to the company earning an astronomical amount, with lots of benefits on top too. Friend’s DD has already bought a house, has a brand new car, is always on holiday and draped in designer clothes. Meanwhile my DD and the rest of her call centre colleagues are threatened with redundancy regularly and are frequently told that salaries will not be increased as cuts have to be made.....How can this be justified?!

OP posts:
user1497207191 · 23/12/2019 16:00

Friend's DD has clearly started at the bottom and worked her way up, no doubt doing additional study/exams in her own time whilst also working full time? Perhaps she was envious of your DD spending 3 years partying and socialising whilst at Uni whilst she was struggling on minimum wage and having to study evenings & weekends??

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 23/12/2019 16:00

Doesn’t matter that your DD has a degree. She still works in a call centre and is not a manager.

Your friends DD has worked her way up from an apprenticeship to a senior manager and now her 11 years of hard work are reaping in the dividends for her.

You are just sore that someone who took a different path than your DD is doing so much better than her even without the magical degree.

CamembertIt · 23/12/2019 16:00

WTAF?! This can't be a real post. If it is, I feel sorry for your friend and her DD who would be waaaay better off without you in their lives.

Original poster
DisgustedParent · 23/12/2019 16:00

I should point out that I have nothing against friend’s DD at all. I’m happy for her of course. My post is about the unjust nature of this with regards to the way in which my DD is treated by her employer vs the pay and treatment which friend’s DD is going to be receiving from the same employer.

OP posts:
SeaViewBliss · 23/12/2019 16:01

get to swan in to the company earning an astronomical amount

She hasn’t though has she? She has worked hard to gain the qualifications and experience to successfully be appointed to a senior role.

SimonJT · 23/12/2019 16:01

How is 26 barely out of school when she would have left school ten years ago.

At 26 I had completed a degree, masters and most of my professional qualifications and earning a very similar amount to your friends daughter.

If your friends job is so easy why don’t you do it and earn £70k a year?

Does your daughter know you think so little of her future prospects?

PaddingtonBrown · 23/12/2019 16:01

Wow jealousy is a very ugly trait.

KatherineJaneway · 23/12/2019 16:01

Your friend's dd has clearly worked hard to get where she is. Maybe your dd should do the same .

VanyaHargreeves · 23/12/2019 16:01

Nobody had replied when I started typing either!

Blimey!

pillowtalking · 23/12/2019 16:01

😲 My DD has a degree and is a medical professional. She earns around 28k
My DS (6 years younger) did a 5 year apprenticeship and is a Gas Engineer. He earns 40k
They arnt jealous of each other and respect each other's chosen career pathway.
They both worked really hard to get where they are.
YABU

Taibhse · 23/12/2019 16:01

You're entitled to be annoyed that your dd has a poor salary and working conditions but yabvvvvu to shit all over your friend's DD out of jealousy.

zebra22 · 23/12/2019 16:01

YABVU you should be excited for your friends Dad instead you sound jealous and nasty

It’s not her daughters fault that your daughter took a different path

KnightandDay · 23/12/2019 16:01

You sound awful! This young woman has obviously worked very hard, studying while working too and has earned her senior role and well paid salary! The fact that you say those with more ‘fancy’ job roles who probably don’t do an awful lot at all tells me all I need to know about your horrible, jealous attitude!

FruitcakeOfHate · 23/12/2019 16:02

Wow, aren't you bitter.

iwantavuvezela · 23/12/2019 16:02

josephine loved the draped in designer clothes - trying to picture what that means!

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 23/12/2019 16:02

YANBU to feel that call centre staff should be treated with respect and have decent terms and conditions.

YANBU to rail at a system where the gaps between the highest and lowest paid are such a chasm

YABU to think your DDs degree somehow entitles her to more than someone who has been working for 10 years, and or that someone who did the entry level jobs a decade ago isn't entitled to have her hard work, skills, knowledge and talent recognised, degree or not.

marshmallowkittycat · 23/12/2019 16:02

It's fine to be angry about your daughter being treated poorly by her employer and sad she's not earning more by this point. It's unfortunately fairly common in graduates of your daughters age.

But her friend has worked hard too, apprenticeships are hard earned too and she must be good at her job to progress. Good for her, as hard as it is to accept for you.

zebra22 · 23/12/2019 16:02

DisgustedParent

I should point out that I have nothing against friend’s DD at all. I’m happy for her of course. My post is about the unjust nature of this with regards to the way in which my DD is treated by her employer vs the pay and treatment which friend’s DD is going to be receiving from the same employer.

Then your daughter needs to find a new job and push herself a bit more

Purpletigers · 23/12/2019 16:02

Your friend’s daughter has 12 years experience . She deserves her wage .
A University degree isn’t a guarantee of a good wage.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 23/12/2019 16:03

What is your DDs degree in?

myself2020 · 23/12/2019 16:03

In summary, your daughter did a degree, couldn’t find a job and now does unqualified work. has she done anything to extend her degree? was it a fun degree, or one with actual value on the job market? jobs don’t just appear magically!
your friends daughter has worked hard for 10 years, with relevant, applied qualifications and a bit of luck. she’s earned her salary, great for her!

Hollycatberry · 23/12/2019 16:03

Well you admit your DD's friend has completed professional qualifications and clearly has a lot of experience in the data protection field which means she can command that salary.

The good news is your daughter has a job, she needs to see it as a step on the ladder to bigger prospects. She needs to look for other opportunities to get involved in things that will be good for her career (e.g. offering to help with a project or taking on some additional admin to help the manager) or look at the possibility of moving internally. Often you can raise this in 121's and talk about interest in x or y area and if there's any possibility to shadow or get involved in that area. Call centre staff are not always treated the best, but the turnover in these roles is really high so if an employee shows willing, good attitude they are likely to get earmarked for better opportunities and then doors can open up internally. Your DD needs to focus on herself and what will bring her opportunities to move up rather than compare to her friend who has had a different career path.

YouTheCat · 23/12/2019 16:03

Also 10 years of relevant work experience is worth a whole lot more than an unrelated degree.

Pfefferkuchen · 23/12/2019 16:03

Senior roles being paid more than junior roles. Shocking.

Nothing is stopping your own daughter to get professional qualifications and climb the ladder, if she already has a degree she clearly can do it. Why doesn't she?

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 23/12/2019 16:03

I should point out that I have nothing against friend’s DD at all. I’m happy for her of course. My post is about the unjust nature of this with regards to the way in which my DD is treated by her employer vs the pay and treatment which friend’s DD is going to be receiving from the same employer.

then your ire is entirely misdirected.