Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling disgusted by friend’s DD’s salary

730 replies

DisgustedParent · 23/12/2019 15:51

Best friend’s DD is the same age as mine (26) and we’ve known each other since both DD’s were born. My DD went off to uni but struggled to find a job after her degree and has ended up working in a call centre (financial services) where she is paid very poorly, has to work unsociable hours and is not treated well by management at all. It’s awful to watch her struggling to get by after rent and bills, knowing that despite working long hours, she may never own a property of her own or be able to afford to do all of the things she wants to do in life. My friend knows all about DD’s struggles and my worries for her as we are very close.

Her DD went straight in to an apprenticeship after school at 16 and landed herself in a role in Data Protection. Over the years she’s completed all sorts of professional certifications in the field and worked her way up, but never did a degree. I hear today from my friend that she has just accepted a senior management data protection role at the same large financial firm where my DD works. Friend has gleefully told me that her DD will be earning an eye watering £70,000 per year along with all sorts of benefits such as home working, health insurance, allocated parking... all of which of course aren’t available to my DD despite working for the same employer.

AIBU in feeling absolutely furious about this on DD’s behalf and thinking that there is something so very wrong about a company which pays its front line workers the absolute minimum, with no benefits whatsoever, whereas those with more ‘fancy’ job roles who probably don’t do an awful lot at all (and friend’s DD at 26 is still barely old enough to be out of school!) get to swan in to the company earning an astronomical amount, with lots of benefits on top too. Friend’s DD has already bought a house, has a brand new car, is always on holiday and draped in designer clothes. Meanwhile my DD and the rest of her call centre colleagues are threatened with redundancy regularly and are frequently told that salaries will not be increased as cuts have to be made.....How can this be justified?!

OP posts:
AhoyMrBeaver · 23/12/2019 15:58

You're not disgusted, you're jealous and bitter. Is your daughter as bothered about this as you are?

Mrsjayy · 23/12/2019 15:58

It isn't the girls fault your Dd can't get a better job, university isn't the be all ...

Jomalaldi · 23/12/2019 15:58

Hahah jealous much?

Batqueen · 23/12/2019 15:58

Op, it’s one thing to feel disappointment for your daughter and sad that she hasn’t found her niche yet but yabvvvu in your comments about your friends daughter. It sounds like she has worked hard to complete relevant qualifications that command a higher salary.

YouTheCat · 23/12/2019 15:58

My dd did a degree but chose very wisely and studied cyber security. She's now working her way up in that field. By the time she's late 20s I expect she'll be earning quite a lot.

I think apprenticeships are an excellent way to learn and earn and your friend's dd sounds like she has been wise to go into an area that, while not the most exciting, is quite essential in this day and age.

Howlovely · 23/12/2019 15:58

Green is an ugly colour on you.

doadeer · 23/12/2019 15:58

How do you know friends DS is swanninf around not doing anything? Management positions come with lots of responsibility and accountability.

Your DS should be making a plan for her own life, taking to her manager about how she can get to the next level instead of directing anger at another woman doing well.

MzHz · 23/12/2019 15:58

Sounds like your friends dd has worked her arse off to get he highly specialised and prized professional qualifications needed in an extremely important and “now” field. The perils of getting data protection wrong are enormous and individuals able to work in the field are specialised and remunerated accordingly

Think your dd ought to give serious thought about getting out of a job that anyone could do, perhaps retrain and manoeuvre herself into a better job or a profession with more prospects.

Yeah it’s falling cos I bet your dd still has uni debt to pay, but uni doesn’t work for everyone, apprenticeships ARE valuable to those who don’t want to or can’t go to uni.

Geminijes · 23/12/2019 15:58

You sound very jealous.

Your friends DD has obviously worked hard to gain her professional certifications (so what if it's not a degree) and has experience that her employers recognise will enable her to do her job well.

Envy sucks the joy out of life.

Congratulate your friend on her daughter's appointment and be happy for her.

doadeer · 23/12/2019 15:58

Swanning*

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 23/12/2019 15:59

whereas those with more ‘fancy’ job roles who probably don’t do an awful lot at all (and friend’s DD at 26 is still barely old enough to be out of school!) get to swan in to the company earning an astronomical amount

Over the years she’s completed all sorts of professional certifications in the field and worked her way up

She swanned in to fuck all. She worked her way up over 10 years.

LeggyLinda · 23/12/2019 15:59

YABU and a coming across as a little jealous and resentful of your friend's DD's hard work.
Can your DD not use this as motivation to start working herself up the career ladder? She's only mid 20's and, as your friend's DD has illustrated, learning and self-improvement is a lifelong process - not something that stops upon graduation.

Sewrainbow · 23/12/2019 15:59

Yabu, jealous and bitter

Murraygoldberg · 23/12/2019 15:59

Can your daughter do the professional exams? Years ago I worked for Barclays and they offered to pay for professional exams but very few took it up.

ivykaty44 · 23/12/2019 15:59

Whilst I agree with the co-operative way of working and there being a set financial limit between MD and lowest paid worker...

Your post is coming across as jealously inspired.

Op if you feel strongly about the injustice of low paid workers, have you joined a union or acorn? Have you done something positive about changing how things are set out?

Brefugee · 23/12/2019 15:59

and this is why the UK needs a properly regulated system of apprenticeships like they have in Germany - 3 years, school and work and overseen by the Chamber of Commerce so the apprentices aren't just used as cheap labour.

Professional qualifications pretty much guaranteed and as your friend's daughter has found out a very good route into a well paid career.

Be happy for her. And try to help your daughter find something better than a call centre.

dietcokemum · 23/12/2019 16:00

What degree did your daughter to? Many degrees aren't worth much in the job market and working your way up is often better than doing media and cultural studies at an ex poly.

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 23/12/2019 16:00

draped in designer clothes Grin

SquashedOrange · 23/12/2019 16:00

It's hard to be happy for others when things on your own life (or in this case own DD's life) aren't going so well.

YABU and sound awfully bitter. Stop it.

PettyContractor · 23/12/2019 16:00

Ha, there were no comments on the thread when I started composing mine, and my first idea of a response was going to be "you are going to be flamed." While I was writing a few kinder sentences, 20 people got in before me!

VanyaHargreeves · 23/12/2019 16:00

I tell everyone I know with late teenage children to choose an apprenticeship over uni.

I came out of uni FIFTEEN YEARS ago to discover that my degree was nearly worthless in the job market despite what teachers told me. EVERY job advertised wanted experience and NVQ style qualifications

It is only worth it for "The Qualified Professions" now not "Subject Degrees"

It is not your friends DDs salary you should be disgusted with it should be the way the education system hoodwinked your DD into believing a degree was prestige still and worth the colossal amount money they cost now as it did me.

They are completely devalued.

Chocolatelover45 · 23/12/2019 16:00

Her daughter has been working for 10 years though. Yours for less. They have different skills. Your daughter probably doesn't actually need a degree to work in a call centre. It's basically unskilled work.
Encourage your daughter to go for better jobs, rather than thinking the other girl ought to be paid less.
YABU for saying she doesn't work hard - how can you possibly know?

SymphonyofShadows · 23/12/2019 16:00

It’s justified because what she does is very specialist. What your daughter does is not. Had she not have been very good she wouldn’t have got this far. She got her head down and got stuck in instead of choosing uni life. She hasn’t got a degree but her qualifications will far exceed that. I know because that was me, a long time ago.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/12/2019 16:00

You DD is entirely free to find another job...

You sound horrible jealous of a young lady who seems to have worked very hard to gain professional qualifications. She has earned every penny of that salary.

Maybe she has made smarter life choices than your DD; in terms of apprenticeship rather than Uni and racking up loads of debt.

TheWinterCaillech · 23/12/2019 16:00

You are wrong to target an individual rather than thinking the company should pay living wage and have more supportive management, and yes, you do sound jealous.
Do you see your daughter as a failure? A disappointment? Were you a little smug when she went to university, expecting great things?
Your friend’s daughter has worked in her profession for a decade, achieved several qualifications and deserves the promotion.
Perhaps encourage your daughter to move on from the call centre, maybe more training and a job search for 2020.