Feeling disgusted by friend’s DD’s salary

[DisgustedParent]

Best friend’s DD is the same age as mine (26) and we’ve known each other since both DD’s were born. My DD went off to uni but struggled to find a job after her degree and has ended up working in a call centre (financial services) where she is paid very poorly, has to work unsociable hours and is not treated well by management at all. It’s awful to watch her struggling to get by after rent and bills, knowing that despite working long hours, she may never own a property of her own or be able to afford to do all of the things she wants to do in life. My friend knows all about DD’s struggles and my worries for her as we are very close.

Her DD went straight in to an apprenticeship after school at 16 and landed herself in a role in Data Protection. Over the years she’s completed all sorts of professional certifications in the field and worked her way up, but never did a degree. I hear today from my friend that she has just accepted a senior management data protection role at the same large financial firm where my DD works. Friend has gleefully told me that her DD will be earning an eye watering £70,000 per year along with all sorts of benefits such as home working, health insurance, allocated parking... all of which of course aren’t available to my DD despite working for the same employer.

AIBU in feeling absolutely furious about this on DD’s behalf and thinking that there is something so very wrong about a company which pays its front line workers the absolute minimum, with no benefits whatsoever, whereas those with more ‘fancy’ job roles who probably don’t do an awful lot at all (and friend’s DD at 26 is still barely old enough to be out of school!) get to swan in to the company earning an astronomical amount, with lots of benefits on top too. Friend’s DD has already bought a house, has a brand new car, is always on holiday and draped in designer clothes. Meanwhile my DD and the rest of her call centre colleagues are threatened with redundancy regularly and are frequently told that salaries will not be increased as cuts have to be made.....How can this be justified?!

I went to Oxbridge, my DB left school with no GCSEs - one of us is a multi-millionaire, and it's not me. Wouldn't swap though.

Yet had the data protection daughter qual,ified as a solicitor instead and worked in London as a data protection solicitor she might well have been on £100k now not £70k (writing as the mother of London solicitor daughters for whom £70k is less than they earn)....

Data protection is a fairly complex subject which sometimes non qualified lawyers do do and there has been massive demand for expertise in that area due to the 2018 changes - GDPR and today data breaches and big data etc make it a core and important issue for many companies so that was a good choice for the apprenticeship daughter.

The data protection daughte rin the example will never earn say the £500k she might get as a London solicitor as she chose not to qualify as a solicitor or barrister or was may be not up to it so relative to those jobs she might languish on the lower pay of £70k. In other words it is all relative really. There will always be someone better off and so what?

Xenia in that case there isn’t anything to stop the friends dd doing an open university degree whilst working and then going on to earn 6 figures,

My first degree was criminology. I also ended up in a dead end call centre type job. I had intended to join the police on the graduate scheme but a bad accident at uni scrapped those plans. There’s stuff your dd could use it for such as prison service, police.

Thankfully I did it before tuition fees. But it does have a reputation of being a poorly thought of degree and the graduate level employment stats, certainly a few years ago, had criminology degrees as the worst.

Could she do a Masters in something a bit more specialised and give her some more skills? Or certainly explore graduate schemes?

I work at a uni now and see teenagers coming on open days and being interested in stuff like health and social care degrees, psychology degrees, criminology degrees and just want to say to them.....why the heck would you? And no I don’t teach on any of those!

What a nasty and jealous reaction to a young woman doing well for herself. Sorry op, you're going to want to rethink your views of others successes.

I work at a uni now and see teenagers coming on open days and being interested in stuff like health and social care degrees, psychology degrees, criminology degrees and just want to say to them.....why the heck would you

I think it's a bit of a hard call. DS1 is great at Maths and technical type stuff, he's doing a Masters in Computing Science at a well respected Uni, even if he hadn't been particularly academic he'd have been able to do a practical apprenticeship as he's good with his hands and just has that type of brain. he's currently in 2nd year and averaging 90% in everything. On paper he looks a good prospect for a good high paying job, however he suffers from extreme social anxiety and we suspect he's on the aspergers spectrum so actual employment might be tricky.

Ds2 has dyspraxia, he is not great with his hands or maths or computing. He is straight A in Politics and associated "wordy" subjects and he's now doing politics at an ancient though not RG uni. On paper his prospects at a high earning salary from that are not great. However, he's not ready for work and an apprenticeship in anything he'd be good at hasn't come up. We'd instilled in both DC that Uni was about doing something that leads to a good employment route however, now it's come to it we've had to say that he needs to do something he's got a good chance of doing well in. I do worry about what employment he'll get but he is personable and passionate about his chosen subject and to be fair is not driven by money particularly but obviously needs enough to live a decent life on.

So, technically i wouldn't particularly recommend what he is doing but it's the right route for him for now but none of us are under any illusion. He's keen to work in the civil service or doing stuff such as policy writing or working for the trade unions. Where we live £26k would be a decent salary and he could get on the property ladder and run an inexpensive car on too.

"whereas those with more ‘fancy’ job roles who probably don’t do an awful lot at all..."

You sound very naive - I can guarantee your friend's DD's role is very important to the company if she's on that salary, and she's most likely got an awful lot to do!

It is a bad situation to be in as comparisons with your DD are inevitable, but in a way it's encouraging that you can do that well without going to university.

@WaxOnFeckOff you’re right and I was probably being a bit harsh. It is perfectly possible for some people to get into a decent job or on a decent graduate scheme with a degree in anything. Someone who gets a 1st or a 2:1 in anything and has got some work experience of some description, has the gift of the gab and can do well on applications and in interviews (and actually applies for such things) do certainly have a chance.

@waxinfeckoff there are IT companies that have schemes to recruit candidates with aspergers because of their specific talents.

Check out autistic charities and companies like Oracle, SAP and IBM for DS1, when the time comes.

Mint Julia. He doesn't have a diagnosis and we'd need to have a talk with him about going for one as when we've brought it up before he's been reluctant.

It was very insensitive of your friend to gloat about her daughter's salary knowing your DD struggles. It's not unfair for her DD to be paid well though.

I haven't been to university or even got a c grade GCSE in maths. I completed my a levels, started in a care home and now work mid level in Social Care earning more than my DH who went to uni and is a teacher. Uni isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I always remember a teacher friend of mine at a large secondary complaining to me a decade ago that her school policy was to encourage everyone to go to university.

She said a huge number of the students she taught were very bright but not necessarily
academic and who would have done so much better if encouraged into a trade.

She wasn't allowed to advise this though and was instead forced to guide them to take the sort of degrees that would probably end up useless.

Each time she’s up against a huge pool of candidates and the role is always given to someone else with experience. DD can’t gain experience in her chosen field as no one will give her a chance!

She really needs to do some volunteer work In her chosen field around paid work then. Yes competition is stiff these days and your DD needs to work hard to improve her CV by the sounds of things. Of course nobody is going to give her a chance without experience... shouldn’t she have volunteered in uni... LIKE THEY TELL YOU TO DO?! Sorry but you are being totally unreasonable

Folks - OP has clearly no intention of coming back and agreeing her DD is the dead end job as opposites to her friends kid.

Xenia:

The average salary for a London solicitor is £58k

www.glassdoor.co.uk/Salaries/london-solicitor-salary-SRCH_IL.0,6_IM1035_KO7,16.htm

We all have choices. Your daughter chose university which doesn't always pay these days. Also your friends DD has been working since she was 16 so ten years but your daughter perhaps only 5 years.

If I was you I would be proud of friends DD and being trying to find out how your DD could move into this line of work and maybe use her contact To help her (if that's what she wants).

I think you’ve come under a lot of criticism here op. It sounds like your friend is enjoying rubbing it in.

Your DDs are both still really young- after graduating I didn’t particularly progress quickly, probably due to having an English degree and lacking confidence.

Some friends were high flyers at a young age and got their “breaks” early on. For me my “break” was a few years ago where I finally found my dream job, working the hours I wanted, for a small business, which pays well. Yes I have friends who earn more than me, but the job suits me perfectly and I can balance family life with my DD. It’s not all about money but the whole picture.

I would encourage your DD to do extracurricular activities, whether that’s further vocational study or volunteering- it will boost her skills and confidence. She might also fare better working for a smaller business- there’s lots of opportunities to get involved in the day to day running and learn new skills.

She has years and years to establish herself- wishing you both luck.

Going against the grain here. But I took op point to be that despite both having a strong work ethic there is a massive difference in lifestyle. One lives in the bread line cant get on the property ladder and one has no financial worries. Imo everyone who works full time should be able to afford their own home and small luxuries. If management are being payed massive amounts and the workers next to nothing surely that's unfair. Not that the friends dd should have less but her own dd should be able to afford a home, children when she wants them........if every manger got paid 50 thousand and the people on the bottom rung got a little more would that not be more equal. Everyone is working hard. Can see where she is coming from. We should accept our children may not earn massive amounts but the gab between the rich and poor is too big in lost of industries and that's not fair. Fair days pay for a fair days work and all that. It's wrong she is working full time and will struggle to get on the property ladder.

I agree with the poster who has mentioned supply and demand. Pay either tends to reflect responsibility or a demand for the role, and is not a narrative on how hard working or how much of a benefit to society the job is. I used to work in recruitment, and the sector I was in would offer ridiculous salaries because there weren't enough people with the desired experience and professionals qualifications to meet the demand. They didn't have masses of formal qualifications, or decades of experience, but they had made good decisions regarding training and career path.

The reality also is that the perks are probably afforded just because they are either needed for the role, or can be accommodated. For example, home working wouldn't work for a call centre employee, but for someone who can feasibly work remotely a lot of companies are pushing for more home working. A parking space could be because the other DD will be required to attend meetings away from site etc, which OPs DD is unlikely to do.

if every manger got paid 50 thousand and the people on the bottom rung got a little more would that not be more equal

Why should someone who has a massive amount of responsibility (and all the stress that goes along with that) and who has completed years of training earn pretty much the same as someone who does an entry level job which involves no responsibility and no training or study?

I dont agree with that at all. Thats not fair.

A degree does not entitle anyone to any job or role. You are rather jealous and bitter.

@Chickenkatsu most good city firms in London pay starting salaries of £60k-£100k to newly qualified solicitors. That can then increase significantly and if a partner in a top (magic circle firm) then average partnership profits are £500k.

That’s what @Xenia was referring to

Obviously you have smaller and mid size firms in London too - and those that specialise in eg immigration, family, criminal law rather than corporate law - hence The lower average

Speaking as a London lawyer myself

@Halo1234 We don't actually know if OP's daughter has a strong work ethic though. It sounds more like she is coasting along in a dead-end job since she had zero job progression.