Feeling disgusted by friend’s DD’s salary

[DisgustedParent]

Best friend’s DD is the same age as mine (26) and we’ve known each other since both DD’s were born. My DD went off to uni but struggled to find a job after her degree and has ended up working in a call centre (financial services) where she is paid very poorly, has to work unsociable hours and is not treated well by management at all. It’s awful to watch her struggling to get by after rent and bills, knowing that despite working long hours, she may never own a property of her own or be able to afford to do all of the things she wants to do in life. My friend knows all about DD’s struggles and my worries for her as we are very close.

Her DD went straight in to an apprenticeship after school at 16 and landed herself in a role in Data Protection. Over the years she’s completed all sorts of professional certifications in the field and worked her way up, but never did a degree. I hear today from my friend that she has just accepted a senior management data protection role at the same large financial firm where my DD works. Friend has gleefully told me that her DD will be earning an eye watering £70,000 per year along with all sorts of benefits such as home working, health insurance, allocated parking... all of which of course aren’t available to my DD despite working for the same employer.

AIBU in feeling absolutely furious about this on DD’s behalf and thinking that there is something so very wrong about a company which pays its front line workers the absolute minimum, with no benefits whatsoever, whereas those with more ‘fancy’ job roles who probably don’t do an awful lot at all (and friend’s DD at 26 is still barely old enough to be out of school!) get to swan in to the company earning an astronomical amount, with lots of benefits on top too. Friend’s DD has already bought a house, has a brand new car, is always on holiday and draped in designer clothes. Meanwhile my DD and the rest of her call centre colleagues are threatened with redundancy regularly and are frequently told that salaries will not be increased as cuts have to be made.....How can this be justified?!

Well articulated @WorldsOnFire

Being responsible for hundreds of people in a corporate management role, getting phone calls at all hours, along with a commute as opposed to dicking about in a shop for 9 hours.

Both work hard no doubt but, I know who I’d be rewarding more

The company should offer certain benefits, like health insurance for instance, to all employees. A company who doesn't do this after employees have worked there for x amount of time is a shit company who doesn't value their front line staff. Obviously things like home working, free parking etc can't be offered to all, but bonuses (relevant to grade and pay structure), health insurance, equal % pension contributions, life insurance etc, should be offered across the board. I have always worked in companies where this is the case. Salaries are always going to be a different story unfortunately. In far too many companies the pay gap between those at the bottom and those at the top is too big, but there you are. That's not going to change anytime soon.

Seriously... yabvvu. Going to uni doesnt mean extra salary. Why doesnt your dd apply for job at her friends place of work.

Obviously, the OP quite liked being the one with the university-educated daughter until her friend's daughter, who rose through the ranks via the apprenticeship route, abruptly eclipsed her.

What's illogical is that the OP only seems to care about this because friend's daughter is working for the same company as her DD now.

@saraclara

I think that’ll be because it draws a direct side by side comparison between the two girls. One of whom has done very well for herself whilst the other has not.
OP doesn’t like that her ‘university educated’ DD is stalling in a low wage job and her friend will no doubt know this now. The girls will work for the same company but in entirely different leagues.

What’s hypocritical is that I’m 99% sure the OP wouldn’t be raising a single issue if it were her DD in the higher position 👍🏻

Don’t be outraged about your friend’s daughter’s high salary, be outraged at companies paying wages that are too low to live on, and hiring on shitty contracts.

Your rage is misguided.

I understand you OP but friends Dds role is obviously more valued within the company and unfortunately that's the way of life.

What has your daughter been doing since her degree??
She’s 26! She must have been out of uni for 5 years?!?

She has had 5 years to demonstrate her worth somewhere and work her way up somewhere, yet she’s still doing unqualified work that a school leaver could do.

I worry you have given her an entitled attitude which will not serve her well.

DH has 2 degrees. He works for the NHS in a job he loves but it doesn't require a degree. He earns less than OPs daughter. I've no doubt he works hard and what he does benefits society. I work in FS and earn more than double what he does, I left school at 17. I dont have a degree but I do have some professional qualification s. I could do more, I could apply for senior positions but I dont want to. I work hard and I have things going round in my head when I'm not at work. I don't want to have increased responsibility at this stage in my life. I'm hoping to semi retire and work part time in a job I don't have in my head 24/7. I accept it pays less.

Once again, working hard doesn't necessarily bring great rewards, working smart, taking risks and responsibility does.

I f OPs daughter is unhappy then she needs to do something about it.

I did two degrees and ended up earning the same as my brother who left school at 16 to do an apprenticeship. My friend only did one degree and earned twice as much as me... Point being you can't assume a degree will earn you more, and YABU to feel hard done by on your daughter behalf. Sounds like your friends daughter has worked hard to get where she is and deserves her money. Not that your daughter doesn't deserve more but she won't get it in a call centre unless she works her way up.

I also have 2 degrees. I haven't ever had a highly paid job and now I'm 50 so it's unlikely that I ever will. Partly because of my MH issues (PTSD and ME), and now also because I have 2 adopted DDs of 10 and 7, and DD1 has SEN and attachment issues and has needed a lot of medical and therapy appointments,

I could be bitter and spend a lot of time being angry about what my abusive F put me and my siblings through during our childhood. I don't. I've had good experiences during my life, spent short periods of time working on Christian projects and now I do voluntary work for a charity that helps Central Asian women who have been trafficked or abused in other ways.

I've also worked as a legal secretary in the past. It wasn't highly paid but it was very interesting.

It's up to your DD to make the most of her life. Resenting other people's lives is a complete waste of your time.

A degree doesn't automatically entitle someone to a better job op. It may have been the case a long time ago, but not anymore. I graduated in 1995 and am now 46. I'm currently earning what I earned 17 years ago.

It could be a good time for your daughter to think seriously about what job she wants to do (that won’t become obsolete in a few years) and how she’ll become self-supporting.

Would you feel disgusted by this if the roles were reversed? I.e your daughter earning 70k? I don't think you would.

Some jobs don't require a degree, and some degrees don't get you jobs.

It's life.

Thing is also, as a senior manager she has lots of responsibility on her shoulders. She will need to be "draped" in smart, well tailored clothes, which don't come cheap.

Op you are just jealous! My DH and I have a degree each and he has a masters as well. We both have low paid jobs in the public sector. But we do ok. And we are basically happy.

Thing is also, as a senior manager she has lots of responsibility on her shoulders. She will need to be "draped" in smart, well tailored clothes, which don't come cheap.

Not necessarily. It depends on the organisation.

I agree the difference between lower paid workers and higher paid works is disproportionate. Yes wages should reflect the skill and responsibility of the role but lower paid work should still mean you can afford to live and not be treated like shit.

In some call centres, the staff are treated appallingly like cattle and robots. This needs to change.

A friend of mine after a devorce and being a single mum, had to return to work when her youngest went to school. She is intelligent and had previously been a highflyer. After many years out of work though took a call centre job, Which left her worse off after travel expensives and an XDH who rarely paid maintenance(self employed).

For the first year she cried nearly every weekend because of the working conditions and trying to make ends meet.
But she put her all into it, took an interest in the business, and moved sideways in it then scrabled up the ladder in the company, and is doing well now.

The thing about the OP is she sounds very very bitter, and I suspect that if her DD had landed the better job, she wouldn't give a shiny shit how the call centre staff were treated and paid because her DD so obviously deserves it because she has a degree.

OP your daughter is 26 what has she being doing for 5 years? She was and still is young enough to change direction or follow her degree subject, or just show herself at work as more useful than just call centre fodder.

How your friend's DD has reached this level should be an inspiration to your daughter as by the sounds of your OP the friends DD hasn't had the breaks and education that your own daughter was afforded and yet the friend has managed to hoik herself up through the ranks.

Maybe you should tell your DD to drop the self pitty and and start doing......

@Berrylove
@TorysSuckRevokeArticle50
Thanks for replies. I love mumsnet for such good advise.
Torys I'm so sorry about your mum

Green eyed monster showing there! Your DD doesn't have to stay in her job role, if she wants more money she needs to sort out her own opportunities, shes kit too old to retrain or possibly take the same role as her friend. Dont be bitter for someone else's success

It’s hard for lots of people in the Job market right now. There’s an entire generation in your daughters situation op, it can be rubbish.

Everyone has a degree these days. It isn't special. Your friends DD has worked 10 years and therefore 10 years experience with industry specific qualifications. You should be happy for her.

You clearly have no idea how business works, your front line daughter has no real responsibilities in her role, your friends DD will have.

You sound spiteful, if your DD is like you I can't imagine her getting very far in life

there’s an entire generation in your daughters situation op, it can be rubbish.
I dont agree, DCS are 22 and 24 and friends dc range same age up to 30.
Very few of them walked into their ideal job from uni, but they have all got their career in the end. My DD is still at uni doing a vocational career so she should be able to get a job as there is a shortage in that field. DS as I said above didnt finish uni but has got an excellent job. A few did apprenticeships and are doing well and the uni ones did some low paid temp jobs but they all seem to be on track now. The only ones i know that are a caught in low paid jobs traps want to go into acting/music

I think you should be focusing your daughter towards her own career projections. It isn't your friends daughters fault that your daughter took the first job going and settled. I too would be disappointed if my daughter spent £40k going to uni to work in a call centre.

Did your daughter expect someone to hand her a high salary job straight out of uni without her putting herself out there?