Feeling disgusted by friend’s DD’s salary

[DisgustedParent]

Best friend’s DD is the same age as mine (26) and we’ve known each other since both DD’s were born. My DD went off to uni but struggled to find a job after her degree and has ended up working in a call centre (financial services) where she is paid very poorly, has to work unsociable hours and is not treated well by management at all. It’s awful to watch her struggling to get by after rent and bills, knowing that despite working long hours, she may never own a property of her own or be able to afford to do all of the things she wants to do in life. My friend knows all about DD’s struggles and my worries for her as we are very close.

Her DD went straight in to an apprenticeship after school at 16 and landed herself in a role in Data Protection. Over the years she’s completed all sorts of professional certifications in the field and worked her way up, but never did a degree. I hear today from my friend that she has just accepted a senior management data protection role at the same large financial firm where my DD works. Friend has gleefully told me that her DD will be earning an eye watering £70,000 per year along with all sorts of benefits such as home working, health insurance, allocated parking... all of which of course aren’t available to my DD despite working for the same employer.

AIBU in feeling absolutely furious about this on DD’s behalf and thinking that there is something so very wrong about a company which pays its front line workers the absolute minimum, with no benefits whatsoever, whereas those with more ‘fancy’ job roles who probably don’t do an awful lot at all (and friend’s DD at 26 is still barely old enough to be out of school!) get to swan in to the company earning an astronomical amount, with lots of benefits on top too. Friend’s DD has already bought a house, has a brand new car, is always on holiday and draped in designer clothes. Meanwhile my DD and the rest of her call centre colleagues are threatened with redundancy regularly and are frequently told that salaries will not be increased as cuts have to be made.....How can this be justified?!

Go back to before your DD worked a crappy job on a crappy wage. Did you ever think, when you ordered food, or shopped in a supermarket, or phoned a call centre 'those poor people on minimum wage, zero hours contracts etc etc'? no. But now your DD is one of those people you think it's horrifying? What does that say about you?

It’s hard for lots of people in the Job market right now. There’s an entire generation in your daughters situation op, it can be rubbish.

I am 37. The job market is hard.

However, I chose to not go uni (even though I had a place) because I knew it was pointless. I would have been wkft with debt and it wasnt a degree that was a must for a career

The job market is hard. But theres too many people like OP, thinks a degree is a golden ticket to a good paid job. When doing your degree you have to prepare for your career. Volunteer, do extra curricular things to be able to walk into a job in your field.

Ops daughter could have applied to the police in the time she has been out of uni. But hasnt. She could have done extra qualifications. But hasnt.

Theres still a myth that having any degree is desirable and it looks good on your CV, even if it's not relevant. Ita simply not true. When lots of people have degrees, just having one isnt anything special.

The ops daughter has made the job market harder for herself. She has to take some responsibility and change it for herself.

The thing is that companies who offer a career progression and look after all their employees are few and far between. Most will do the bare minimum.

So if they have a whole load of entry level positions that are easily fillable replaceable, they don't need to offer a whole load of benefits. For a senior role, where there are far fewer qualified candidates, as well as the high salary, they have to make the role attractive, so will offer the parking space, extra holiday, private healthcare, whatever. It's not about loyalty or longevity, it's about the rarity of the skillset your friends dd is bringing with her.

Bwah ha ha ha ha!!!

Degrees are becoming increasingly obsolete in a lot of fields. Employers want hard workers who are intelligent and trained in the specifics of their field, not someone with a degree in something abstract with few or no practical applications.

You sound bitter. Your DD started her career 5 years behind your friend's DD.

There are loads of jobs. Loads. You just need to accept they're minimum wage.
There's hundreds in hospitality but "I don't want to work evenings/weekends" etc.
I've been recruiting on and off for years. People's expectations vs their ability is astounding.
Experience free people requiring all training known to man seem to think they should waltz into a £40k role with benefits, flexible hours and we should be thankful they attended interview.

Reality is sobering.

Wow, you're so rude and patronising.
The whole comment about her owning her house and barely being out of school is ridiculous. She's a 26 year old woman who has worked hard to put herself on the property ladder and to that I say FAIR BLOODY PLAY.
There are lots of us who work hard including myself that at the moment even getting on the property ladder looks slim but would I be jealous and angry about someone else my age doing it. Not at all.
She has been working since 16 and has progressed in her career. Why shouldn't she be rewarded for that?
I also have a degree and yes you study hard for them but being as bitter and angry as you are isn't helping at all and really isn't getting you anywhere.

barely out of school

She's been out of education for 10 years and has the experience and professional exams to prove it.
10 years is a long time in which to move up the ladder.

Instead of moaning on here, encourage your DD to apply for promotions, volunteer, help her adjust her cv to make her more attractive, create a LinkedIn profile.... I could go on.

Everybody doesn't have a degree...only 43% of the working population are educated to degree level.
God people spout some absolute rubbish sometimes.

This is horrible. And 26 is not just out of school at all. I'd be over the moon that my daughter was doing so well as I'm sure your friend is. You sound very bitter and it's not any of your business to comment on her daughters job or earnings.

I think its really good for business when people have worked their way up the ranks applied themselves as they really understand the business

I think we shall see more of a trend for this rather than taking on graduates who quickly move up often I have experienced them know far less experience is important

Your dd will have more options open to her so while struggling now she had more opportunities to change direction

Working conditions sound awful but she has more options open to her than her colleagues without a degree

*They are constantly told that they are replaceable and are generally not valued. Why are they not entitled to the same benefits that a senior manager working for the same firm is entitled to? Why are they not deserving of a parking space or as much annual leave? We are living in sad times if this level of inequality in the workplace is widely considered acceptable.
*
Careful now OP, you are speaking like a socialist. I think they've been banned now.

In all seriousness, the problem is we live in a VERY capitalist society. Low skilled work is not valued and companies do not see fit to 'waste' money on making employees feel valued. Your friend's daughter is being remunerated highly for a job with a lot of responsibility which your DD will not have. The perks and benefits that come with a senior level job are to attract the people they want into the role as they will be valued more highly. It's shit, it shouldn't be like that, but nor should you be that surprised.

I think op has been given a rough time here. Her op does sound very green and judgemental But she does have a point. It shows the imbalance in today's work force.
Take away the education and just look at the system.
It is unfair the min wage is so low and gap between the top is so big. Look at the MH and financial problems this causes, relying on benefits to survive.
If the pay gap was Slightly less there would be less problems.
For example: I supervise a team of cleaners. It bloody hard to find anyone who wants to scrub shitty toilets for min wage for 16hrs a week. Anyone can scrub a toilet, no one wants to, especially not for min wage. My boss is on a bloody good wage, his stress level is high but (having done his job for a year for less money I speak from experience) his job is not really worth quite what he is paid. I understand he has worked his way up etc but the monetary value to the job is off kilter. Having done the cleaning job too they deserve much more. I have also worked shop floors and call centres, the threat of redundancy, the lack of respect from customers and higher management the feeling of worthlessness is unbelievable. Pay the underdog a big more, make them Feel valued and you get better productivity. You get people that want to stay in their jobs, you actually get people that want to do that job. I'm not saying they should be paid the same but pay it down a bit.
I have the same argument with footballers/ actors etc. Their wages sicken me when people we Need like nurses are paid such a shitty wage.

CynthiaRothrock The OP is getting a hard time, not because of the difference in pay and treatment, but more that it is obvious that she resents a non uni graduate friend earning more than her degree wielding DD.

As I previously posted, if OPs DD had the better job, she wouldn't care at all about the lower paid staff. As thems the breaks....

YABVU really your friend's DD is getting that wage and perks of her job because of her working experience in her field. He has been working for the past 10 years do you really expect your DD to get the same wage and treatment for less working experience? You say DD is up against so many people when applying for a job in the field that she did a degree in. Did you and her not think how over subscribed the field was when you picked her degree? Did you do any research if going to uni would be the best option for her?

Do you work OP?

In financial services there is huge demand for data, cyber security and risk and compliance professionals due to the financial crash. Your daughter could look into these specialisms and will get a decent salary.

Agree tin, also specific AML and fraud staff and plenty of available qualifications related to OPs daughters degree to get into any of these areas.

No wonder your DD can't get a job with a bitter and entitled mother like you! She has likely inherited your appalling attitude.

Given the number of people who read Mumsnet, there are sometimes threads that make me that the OP hasn’t considered or doesn’t care if they’re seen by the subject.

How much longer will your best friend be your best friend, OP, if she sees how rude you’ve been about her daughter?

Nothing wrong with wishing your daughter was better paid and had better benefits. However, that’s not down to your friend’s DD, who has done bloody well for herself. Wish I had had her good sense at that age.

Instead of being bitter, why not encourage your daughter to look for ways to take a leaf out of this young woman’s book, apply herself and get a better position. Yes, it is hard, but that is the same for many people and your evident jealousy and resentment help nobody.

YABU to compete or compare anyone's salary with your DD's; it's just nothing to do with you.

YABVU to speak so dismissively of someone who has clearly worked hard to progress their career (and lets face it, for a woman to have pushed herself that hard is even more wonderful because there's still a very definite imbalance in most workplaces in terms of what men earn versus women).

YAB most U to let envy colour your life in this way. Not everyone's child can earn over £70k.

I have 2 degrees and countless qualifications but no job, my DH has no qualifications but a very good job (not greatly paid but well respected and on the corporate ladder - also linked to data protection) difference between us?

He worked since 16, learned the practical side of the job and made contacts and I went to school, sat in a lecture hall and read books... degrees are worth nothing without either experience or a door opener.

I get the 'thanks, well think about it' with no enthusiasm at every interview because there's 10 years of no work experience (between school, medical issues and being a mam). My DH has got nearly every interview hes ever gone to, places have fought over him dispite the fact he dropped out of college after one month and has zero qualifications in his field.

Its because he has experience and knows how everything works while teaching the new employees the systems cost the companies thousands and takes months.

fiance also safe from redundancy because his job is to oversee mistakes make by the computer systems so it has to be done by a human where as I was literally told on the first day of my degree that thanks to automation in my field there would be no jobs at the end.

We make choices in life and a degree in an over saturated and diminishing market was/is the wrong choice and you have to just accept you got it wrong and someone else got it right.

• DH not fiance, he works in the finance sector and my little sleep deprived brain got confused

My first husband stopped going to school at about 12. No qualifications. Started a business. Is now a millionaire. My OH left school at 15. Worked his way up the company ladder from the shop floor. Now earns lots of money. Has a company car etc. Bet you hate them OP. Instead of being bitter help your daughter get a better job. Try and get her into the civil service. Lots of scope for promotion.

Good for her. It’ll give your daughter something to aspire to. Sounds like the company is good at nurturing home-grown talent and likes to promote from within. That’s a good place to work if you want to get ahead.

Too bad your daughter bought into the myth that a degree gets you a better job. That may have been true in the 1950s but today employers want a lot more than a certificate.