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To think this was an an awful comment to makr

280 replies

Misscromwellrocks · 23/12/2019 12:17

A friend of mine is having her parents and several siblings and nieces and nephews for Christmas Dinner.
A few of us were out last night and one of them remarked how busy she was and how much she still had to do. My friend said something like Oh I know how you feel and the response was 'well in fairness you don't have kids so it's not the same stress and hassle'.

My friend would love to have children and is a brilliant aunt but just hasn't met the right person and is now 43. She went very quiet and I could see she was trying to force herself to join in and be sociable for the rest of the night.

Aibu to think it was an insensitive and rude comment to make?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

2162 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
Dolorabelle · 30/12/2019 09:23

Exactly @SerenDippitty - it's astounding that people don't understand this. Life "pre-children" (which implies children now) is not the same as the OP's friend's situation in any way shape or form.

As I said upthread, I really think people who talk about how they've changed etc blah blah after children must have lived pretty pointless shallow lives before

Misscromwellrocks · 30/12/2019 10:12


Are you saying you know what it's like to be unhappily childless and to see the years slipping by and your dream of motherhood fading? To have moved beyond the stage of being young and carefree and enjoying your single child free years and be ground down by disappointment and a sense of loss and lack in your life?

Knowing what life was like before you decided to have children is not the same as knowing what life is like when you're middle aged and have been denied much wanted kids.

OP posts:
DrivingMsCrazy · 30/12/2019 11:44

I disagree with sb74 assertion that all things being equal, it's always harder with kids.
My friend and I both lost a parent within weeks of each other. She is childless and lived in her parental family home. We both did a lot of nursing and end of life care in the run up to their passing.

My loving family and cuddles from my DC helped massively whereas she was going home to an empty house filled with her parents belongings. I know she has struggled so much with the idea it's now "just her" left than I have with my support around me. Yes it's a devastating thing losing a parent but DC gave me a focus and a lot of strength so no, at the worst of times having DC does not make it harder.

louderthan1 · 30/12/2019 16:40

I don't even want kids and that comment would fuck me off no end.

Tetran · 30/12/2019 16:44

I hate this. I have children, I am tired. I was also tired before I had children. It's so boring the competitive tiredness, as if you can't possibly be tired for any other reason; like when someone says they are busy, 'oh you don't know what busy is as you don't have children'. Gah how teedious, and in this case, insensitive.

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