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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

whether to report dh for drink driving right now?

260 replies

steakandmantoo · 22/12/2019 21:29

I can't even believe I'm in this predicament. DH is a bus driver, so driving is his job, what supports us.

he has came home drunk a few times, where he has drove home, and I've been angry, and warned him to not do it again.

He just popped back now to drop me some food off, and I smelt vodka, his eyes looked red, and his cousin is in the car, drunk also. He flat out denied it, and said I'm imagining things, and then he went back to his car and drove off.

I'm really worried about him killing himself and cousin, and other people. But if I report him, and the police catch him, that means his jobs gone, and we would be left broke with no income?

I just don't know what to do to make sure he never does this again.

OP posts:
NatashaRomanov · 23/12/2019 08:57

Well done OP.
I hope you are doing OK this morning. And good luck for the future.

Hangingwithmygnomies · 23/12/2019 08:59

I cannot believe 11% of people voted YABU!! Pretty sure you'd change your mind pretty damn quick if one of your family/friends was injured or killed by a drink driver!

fedup21 · 23/12/2019 09:05

@steakandmantoo so what happened last night-have you heard from him?

Did the police come? Did they arrest him? Where is he now?

TripleSeptic · 23/12/2019 09:17

@steakandmantoo it looks like your thread got hijacked by rp30, but I hope you're okay, and I hope they got him. It's taken a lot of courage to report him Flowers

Original poster
steakandmantoo · 23/12/2019 09:31

Good Morning everyone!

He came home and informed me that his cousin got arrested, when the police arrived in the car park. He was not sat in the car but letting his cousin do "dohnuts" as they call it.

So now I'm even more embarrassed that I have a 28 year old husband who sits in car parks with his friends spinning their cars and doing god knows what, and his cousin who then also lied saying he has been driving my Dh car all night to cover Dh back even more. (Why would he so that? )

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/12/2019 09:43

Hopefully he came home to find his bags packed.

Is the cousin insured to drive his car? Otherwise he’s facing driving without insurance and I think the person allowing it can also be allocated points.

fedup21 · 23/12/2019 09:49

Your DH’s cousin was arrested and will no doubt be charged to cover for your DH? That sounds most bizarre. Why would he do that?

What will it be-points? Fine? loss of license? Jail?

Iwasneveragoddess · 23/12/2019 09:55

Should add you are as guilty as him if he kills someone as you know and decided to put yourself first over others safety

No she is not, I hate this sort of vitriol on here.

ChongADong · 23/12/2019 10:01

The police went out the next night and lay in wait? Blimey I wish I was on that force instead!

PhilCornwall1 · 23/12/2019 10:27

No she is not, I hate this sort of vitriol on here.

Totally agree. This kind of stupidity on MN saying another person will be equally guilty, really has no place.

FFSFFSFFS · 23/12/2019 10:28

I have a huge amount of respect for you OP reporting him. Very well done. Now get him shifted out of the house and start living a delightful grown up and mature life!

PhilCornwall1 · 23/12/2019 10:32

@steakandmantoo

Donuts in the car park? This is the stuff of teenagers and 20 somethings. Does this "man" really have any meaningful place in your life anymore?

Instagrump · 23/12/2019 10:34

Well done OP. Maybe his near miss has made him at least think and he won't risk it again.

As for those disapproving if someone "snitching" a drink driver in, I truly hope, from the bottom of my heart, that your car gets sideswiped by a drunk driver who then drives away anonymously every single time you get it repaired having had to claim on your own insurance each time. I hope you incur car hire costs. I hope you miss time at work having to deal with transport issues. I hope your insurance premiums go through the roof.

It's not just killing or maiming people through drink driving that effects lives. Many people rely on their cars and can't take the financial hit of damages.

Mishappening · 23/12/2019 10:36

You had no choice OP - but nevertheless very difficult to do. Well done - it us about saving lives. I hope things work out for you.

Stickywhitelovepiss · 23/12/2019 10:53

Well done OP - I hope I don’t ever have to face that situation (mine was just caught drink driving too - have a thread ongoing), but you did the right thing.

Original poster
steakandmantoo · 23/12/2019 10:55

@ChongADong nope, they went out the same night where I told them they would be, but they only arrested those who were caught actually driving the cars!

OP posts:
MitziK · 23/12/2019 12:00

Maybe a message suggesting that they check the CCTV to see who else was actually driving last night wouldn't hurt?

After all, they'd need to have evidence for a successful prosecution. And I don't think there's a single pub that doesn't have CCTV nowadays.

Still need to let the employers know - they can do a random test on drivers, it's part of the contract they sign - and would be highly likely to do it around this time of year in any case.

mencken · 23/12/2019 12:10

well done, OP. You will suffer because of your drunken druggie husband, who I hope will be an ex soon - but the suffering will end and you have prevented a lifetime of suffering for someone else.

for the playground 'don't snitch' brigade - there was a tweet on our local newspaper site from one of the journalists, remembering as she does every year at this time when her father was killed by a drunk driver, leaving her mother a widow with two young children.

that is the lifetime of suffering that these people cause. It is time drunk drivers were charged with murder.

GladAllOver · 23/12/2019 12:32

nope, they went out the same night where I told them they would be, but they only arrested those who were caught actually driving the cars!

Unfortunately the police can only arrest drivers who are behind the wheel while drunk or who they can prove have been driving. In this case they won't have that evidence.

sashh · 23/12/2019 12:49

He and cousin need to come clean, otherwise they are looking at attempting to pervert the course of justice and that is jail time.

bd67th · 23/12/2019 12:56

for the playground 'don't snitch' brigade

I'm forced to wonder who benefits from people not "snitching", because it isn't the innocent people hurt by criminal and abusive behaviour nor is it the people pressured into not "snitching". Hmm

Could it be the criminals and bullies and abusers who benefit, I wonder? So what kind of person comes onto a parenting forum and tells a mother who is being emotionally abused by a drink-driving male a) not to "snitch" and b) to take responsibility for that male's actions(1)?

rp30 may not be an abuser, but they sure are posting like one.

(1) First rule of misogyny: women are responsible for men's actions.

fedup21 · 23/12/2019 13:03

Is he contrite about drunk driving or just feeling relieved that he wasn’t caught?

RaininSummer · 23/12/2019 13:09

Thank you for doing the right thing OP. I am always really worried this time of year in particular that some selfish drinker will plough into my loved ones.

GabsAlot · 23/12/2019 14:11

shame he didnt get caught no doubt he will do this again so all you can do is keep reporting

Grumpelstilskin · 23/12/2019 15:26

Well, the cousin WAS driving when the police got there, so he deserved to get arrested. More fool him if he takes the rap for someone else. Just keep reporting every single time. Or better still, kick him out.