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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

whether to report dh for drink driving right now?

260 replies

steakandmantoo · 22/12/2019 21:29

I can't even believe I'm in this predicament. DH is a bus driver, so driving is his job, what supports us.

he has came home drunk a few times, where he has drove home, and I've been angry, and warned him to not do it again.

He just popped back now to drop me some food off, and I smelt vodka, his eyes looked red, and his cousin is in the car, drunk also. He flat out denied it, and said I'm imagining things, and then he went back to his car and drove off.

I'm really worried about him killing himself and cousin, and other people. But if I report him, and the police catch him, that means his jobs gone, and we would be left broke with no income?

I just don't know what to do to make sure he never does this again.

OP posts:
lauryloo · 22/12/2019 21:58

You have done the right thing OP

geekone · 22/12/2019 21:58

You made the right decision, right decisions can be difficult. Sorry OP and well done

HoneysuckIejasmine · 22/12/2019 22:01

Well done OP. I'm disgusted he put you in that position.

DecemberSnow · 22/12/2019 22:01

Your married and have a child.... And yet he is "hanging" around with mates, drunk and stoned?

How old is he? For god sake, he sounds like he is 17

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 22/12/2019 22:03

That must have been really hard for you, well done.

He would have lost his job in the end anyway, so you haven't ruined anything. All the bus drivers I know are really careful about not drinking and driving precisely because they know they could lose everything if they were caught. If he doesn't care about his job and his family enough to not drink and drive, then you can't help him.

Original poster
steakandmantoo · 22/12/2019 22:06

@DecemberSnow I'm 26 and he is 28. It's only since the birth of our child, he's started doing all this again. He didn't go out for a solid 4 years but it's like since I've become a mother he feels like he can do what he wants and I'll stay.

OP posts:
secretnurse · 22/12/2019 22:06

Well done OP, you may well have saved lives tonight x

recklessruby · 22/12/2019 22:07

I m glad you reported him. I never did report my dp for drink driving though i knew deep down he did it.
He killed himself age 25 one night, fortunately not involving anyone else.
I was left age 24 with ds age 4.
I never thought it would happen to us.
You never do.

overnightangel · 22/12/2019 22:07

What did you say when you reported him?
Do they not have to catch him in the act?
If you said he was drunk earlier and had driven to the pub and they find he is over the limit there surely he can just say he started drinking when he got there?
I’ve heard of police lying in wait and once they open the car they arrest them

ButtonMoonLoon · 22/12/2019 22:08

I can’t imagine how difficult that was for you, but you have done the best thing that you could under the circumstances.
It’s now time to get your ducks in a row, whilst he’s out get hold of any documents you can, passports, birth certs, etc, and put them in safe places, move half of any joint money/savings. If the shit hits the fan which seems likely, then you need to protect yourself and your child.
This may be hard. But you may have saved lives.

Thefaceofboe · 22/12/2019 22:08

Well done for reporting him OP. You would never forgive yourself or him if he killed someone x Flowers

Tupperwarelid · 22/12/2019 22:09

When is he due to work again? If he’s drinking heavily surely he risks being over the limit the next day when he could be working?

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 22/12/2019 22:09

A relative of ours was killed by someone who shouldn't have been driving, he left a wife and two teenagers, one of whom has been affected severely because she feels she caused him to be late setting off to work that morning.

EustaciaPieface · 22/12/2019 22:09

Well done xx

Instatwat · 22/12/2019 22:10

Well done OP, you did the right thing

richteasandcheese · 22/12/2019 22:11

Well done OP. How absolutely awful for you, but at least now you won't have the possible death of another driver/pedestrian on your conscience. He's a fucking bus driver, the mind boggles....

LawnsLT · 22/12/2019 22:13

You get my first LTB, but I wouldn’t, but I wouldn’t protect him in future!

Just leave him and let him fuck his own life up!

Creepster · 22/12/2019 22:15

That is common strategy among emotionally abusive men.
In one of Lundy Bancroft's abuser groups they actually discussed how long they should wait before the abuse could begin without fear of the target leaving.

BadgerBadgerMushroom · 22/12/2019 22:15

Well done OP. It's hard but the best thing to do

Leeds2 · 22/12/2019 22:17

You have done the right thing, OP.

Is he not routinely breathalysed at work before starting his shift? I know someone who was a National Express coach driver, and this was routine for him.

Patsypie · 22/12/2019 22:18

Report him. It's clearly a habit and he doesn't give a shit. Drink drivers are pure scum.

Original poster
steakandmantoo · 22/12/2019 22:18

@overnightangel I told them the truth, and where they would be, there will be lots of cars there all drinking I'm sure of it.

So I'm sure the police will wait around and wait till they start driving away then stop them, if they are smart.

He once told me, police came to the car park and they threw the keys away in a bush and denied that they was their cars so the police just thought of them as walking drinkers.

Truly pathetic

OP posts:
Mlou32 · 22/12/2019 22:18

Well done, it must have been so hard to report him but ultimately, you may very well have saved someones life.

PiggyInTheMiddle19 · 22/12/2019 22:19

Report to his company too if he's working the morning to do a breathalyser.

ohgetyou · 22/12/2019 22:19

Well done that can't of been easy x
You saved a life tonight hopefully and it may have been his. He will never thank you but we all do.