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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

whether to report dh for drink driving right now?

260 replies

steakandmantoo · 22/12/2019 21:29

I can't even believe I'm in this predicament. DH is a bus driver, so driving is his job, what supports us.

he has came home drunk a few times, where he has drove home, and I've been angry, and warned him to not do it again.

He just popped back now to drop me some food off, and I smelt vodka, his eyes looked red, and his cousin is in the car, drunk also. He flat out denied it, and said I'm imagining things, and then he went back to his car and drove off.

I'm really worried about him killing himself and cousin, and other people. But if I report him, and the police catch him, that means his jobs gone, and we would be left broke with no income?

I just don't know what to do to make sure he never does this again.

OP posts:
Branster · 22/12/2019 23:18

Obviously you have, but surely you must see how wrong it is. The reality is, in most cases, when someone had a few drinks, you can’t always reason with them to try and help them as a partner.

TryingToBeBold · 22/12/2019 23:18

I am not encouraging drink driving but I don't see what informing telling the police acheives. If she worked with her partner, she could potentially establish a long-term change in behaviour that brings more safety to road users. You know innocent children die because of drink driving

You're right. We will never know if him drink driving tonight would have caused a death.

But he was drinking tonight. And it could have. He could be plastered. Innocent children die because of drink driving... yes. You're right. Tonight could be the night of one of those deaths.

rp30 · 22/12/2019 23:18

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TheLittleBrownFox · 22/12/2019 23:19

I've reported RP, although to be honest the nightwatch may leave it for @mnhq in the morning.

If RP is genuine, they're an absolute moron.

alltoomuchrightnow · 22/12/2019 23:19

Are you drunk, RP? Definitely a troll, that's for sure.
I went to Al Anon for a couple of years because my alcoholic ex ruined my life . At least he never learnt to drive. He was a danger enough as it was.
How dare you blame the partner. How can addiction ever be an excuse for drunk driving? If he wants to drink he doesn't have to take a job DRIVING for a living. No one is responsible for someone else's drinking! It took me a long time to realise this, that there was nothing I could have done to help my partner. Leaving him for good didn't make a difference, nothing did. In the end he drunk himself to death. How disgusting that you criticise the OP. She's not pouring the drink down his throat or holding a gun to his head!

rudolfsquiffy · 22/12/2019 23:19

@rp30 will you l be quoting the bible soon, because a woman should stand by her 'man' no matter what he does, just because the bible says so?

ballsdeep · 22/12/2019 23:19

Rp30

Knob off.

TryingToBeBold · 22/12/2019 23:19

@rp30

What was OP meant to do tonight.
Cross her fingers and hope he was okay to drive
"Its okay dear.. we will work this out together when you may have made it home alive".

Ginfordinner · 22/12/2019 23:20

rp30 you are an idiot. Go and educate yourself about our drink driving laws and stop minimising the stupidity of drinking and driving.

Mumsnet doesn't like trolls.

Branster · 22/12/2019 23:20

And in a lot of other countries, you are not allowed to drink and drive at all. I don’t know why this rule hasn’t been applied in the UK yet.

sundaynightflight · 22/12/2019 23:21

A thirteen year old boy was killed this week by a driver who was not fit to drive.

He's lost his chance to have a future and his family's life will never be the same again.

OP, you have done the right thing. You're incredibly strong. Well done.

rp30 · 22/12/2019 23:21

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rp30 · 22/12/2019 23:22

@MutedUser understood and I agree, he should not do it. But breaking the law does not guarantee death.

WingingItSince1973 · 22/12/2019 23:23

@rp30 I hope you're a troll and seriously not someone who thinks like this. Either way have reported your comments. OP please don't listen to this person. You've done such a brave thing and could have saved someone/some peoples lives this eve xxx

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 22/12/2019 23:23

rp30
The OP’s DH is an adult. Why are you trying to make her responsible for his poor choices.

OP you are a brave person.

BlueCornsihPixie · 22/12/2019 23:23

Shame Ops DH didn't think of the team when he risked his job and his life getting behind the wheel when drunk. He wasn't exactly thinking of his DC was he?

If he gets caught it's entirely his fault, if he loses his job it's entirely his fault. He chose to drink drive, he knows the consequences of this and still chose to do it. Losing his job is one of the better outcomes isn't it? As opposed to killing someone.

rp30 · 22/12/2019 23:24

@CoolCarrie get a life. OP you have your reasons and it is between you and him. My point was for others who may in the future be in a similarly sad and horrible position and perhaps welcome a different perspective.

TicTac80 · 22/12/2019 23:24

Well done for reporting him. I did the same (to my ex H)....Who was also an alcoholic for the last 6 years of us being together. Who I supported, looked after, begged/pleaded with him to stop, put him through private residential rehab, took him to numerous GP/AA/CGL meetings. Whose alcoholism resulted in years of verbal (and once physical) abuse, which cast a shadow on my and my children’s lives, risked me losing my job, affected my health etc.

I reported him, and I don’t regret it. It was also the straw that broke the camel’s back after 6 years of doing everything I could “as part of a team” to help him over come his addiction. I wasn’t “dumb and sheeplike”. He simply didn’t want to stop drinking (at that point). I’d be dammed if he was going to be out there driving drunk, and risking death/injury to innocent people, and I did nothing to stop it.

rp30, if you read the first post, the OP had already said many times to her DH that he shouldn’t drink and drive. As a bus driver, he should know that better than most.

thesunhasgothishatontoday · 22/12/2019 23:24

OP you've absolutely done the right thing. Drunk drivers wreck too many lives xx

ExhaustedGrinch · 22/12/2019 23:24

You added nothing to this discussion and you are a loser for being so vulgar and rude. Meh.

Ginfordinner · 22/12/2019 23:26

rp30 you are incredibly naive to think the just telling someone not to drink and drive is going to work. Drink driving is never justified.

doodoodoodoodoolittlelulu · 22/12/2019 23:27

@rp30 You are fucking despicable. Go forth and enable all the bad people. Or y'know dont, because what kind of human being actually believes the shit you're spouting. Reported the troll Hmm

rp30 · 22/12/2019 23:28

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 22/12/2019 23:29

Around 12-13% of road deaths in the UK involve a driver over the limit.
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/680051/illegal-alcohol-levels-provisional-2016.pdf

That was around 240 deaths in 2016.

YuletideFairy · 22/12/2019 23:29

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