MIL trying to organise Xmas with useless DH rather than me

[AHappyCow]

OK, no offence to DH, he’s loyal and a hard worker and loves us to bits. But he’s hopeless when it comes to organising anything, which is why I do it all. As of now, I have no idea what we’re doing for Xmas. I am assuming we’re spending it with PIL. I sent MIL a text a couple of weeks ago to initiate a conversation about Xmas. She said she’d give it some thought but I never heard back.

Instead she called DH yesterday to ask him what the plans were, what the DC wanted for Xmas, etc. he replied “dunno” to every question. I thought she might then call me but she hasn’t.

This lack of communication has happened in the past. Two Christmasses ago we ended up having just a bowl of crisps for our Christmas dinner. Long story, but again down to PIL’s lack of communication. If I ask MIL a question, she’ll give her answer to DH. He’ll then forget, or things will get messed up because he doesn’t know our plans, etc etc.

AIBU to just say fuck them and we’ll do our own thing? I know PIL don’t like me (they don’t like anyone to be fair), but I shouldn’t have to chase them whilst being ignored.

You probably should have said you were in a foreign country to begin with...as it puts a different slant on it.

I like being organised and would be really stressed if nothing was organised 3 days before Christmas.

From now on plan Christmas at home and invite your inlaws.

The OP is crying because someone commented she was seriously disorganised? Drama much

Now we’re alone and haven’t seen our family for years and are trapped in this lonely hell.

OP
Unless you are imprisoned/being held against your will, you have surely chosen your location, in which case you could move/change your circumstances if it’s really that hellish?
You do sound rather melodramatic. Also how can you both be alone and trapped without family when your ILs are popping round for Xmas?

A conversation with DH a week or so ago telling him you've not heard off MIL so you're emailing her an invite to say you & DH are inviting her to spend it at yours (with a if we don't hear from you by 22nd we'll assume you've made other plans) was all that was needed.

This is MN. The stock answer is always dh should deal with his family and not leave you to do the wife work. Maybe MIL is a serious mumsnetter.

I didn't resort to anything. There were people being spiteful, and "keyboard warriors" is a term used to describe people behind a computer/phone screen.

Yes you did and keyboard warriors is not a general term for anyone behing a computer / phone screen. It is an insult. Hope that clarifies for you.

Behind*

Reading your responses you sound like hard work. It is not organised to leave plans to this late before Christmas and it’s not “spiteful” to point out that you sound unorganised. It sounds like you control everyone in your house and their calendars and get upset that your in laws won’t play ball.

Make your own plans with your family and your kids! Sod everyone else. If anyone asks what you're doing you tell them you're having the day as a family on your own as no other plans made - end of. God stop being a martyr!

Do your own thing. If they haven’t confirmed anything now then nothing will happen.

Thanks all, have spoken to DH and we’re going to have a lovely Christmas at home, just us and the DC. If PIL want to pop by, they can, but our 3pm Christmas Day lunch is set in stone now.

This sounds like the best plan, OP. I wouldn't go back somewhere where I wasn't even offered a drink on Christmas Day.

I think someone wanting to actively organise Xmas with in-laws is unusual, hence the responses you get. If we're having Christmas with in-laws, DH organises it all, including timings, our food contribution, wrapping presents, packing the car etc.

Your husband is perfectly capable but he can't be arsed

Yes you did and keyboard warriors is not a general term for anyone behing a computer / phone screen. It is an insult. Hope that clarifies for you.

Love the way you left out half my definition.
Even a quick Google of the phrase will prove what it is.

I'm not wasting any more energy or time on you. I stand by what I said.

@ahappycow you've had an unnecessary bashing on here. As you said on page 1 I do understand this crappy dynamic. I too run our house. It works for us. It works for DH. It works for every other persit except his sil and dB, and his other brother. It even work for his parents.

Next year book a holiday for Xmas time. Decision made and stress gone. (My husband always says to me that it's only my expectation that leads me to get upset. Expect nothing from them and I won't be disappointed. Whilst I think this is a sad state of affairs when talking about family, he has a point. ) Have a lovely Christmas at home.

Love the way you left out half my definition. Even a quick Google of the phrase will prove what it is.

I don't think I left anything that significant off... Your whole quote was...

"I didn't resort to anything. There were people being spiteful, and "keyboard warriors" is a term used to describe people behind a computer/phone screen. Saying things that they would never say in real life in a face to face interaction. It's not an insult, it's an observation."

It doesn't really change what you said about "keyboard warriors" not being an insult, I don't think 🤷‍♀️.

I'm not wasting any more energy or time on you. I stand by what I said.

Well...I stand by most of what you said too . I was mainly agreeing with you, but just took issue with your slightly delivery. But maybe that's just a common theme with your posts? Oh well. Some people can't hold a civil conversation and that's sad, but not my problem.

I would say it’s an observation rather than an insult.

Merry Christmas OP. I can't understand why there have been so many awful posts in this thread.

Take control yourself and go shopping today. Don’t be mucked about. You are giving too much thought to people who don’t deserve your worry or time.

I would say it’s an observation rather than an insult.

"Spiteful keyboard warriors" is an observation, not an insult? I mean...I suppose it's fairly subjective, but I don't think I'd like to be called that and would consider it an insult if I was, (which I wasn't btw, seeing as I was not one of the people who posted unpleasant things about the op). But each to their own and all that. I observe you are a spiteful keyboard warrior. I'll remember how benign/ neutral that phrase is from now on .

The comments were spiteful or did you not think that?

Yes, I did think the comments were definitely spiteful, but I just found it ironic that someone was lecturing us on being kind at the same time as calling people "spiteful keyboard warriors", which is a venomous phrase if ever I heard one*.

*though clearly it's subjective and some people would welcome the neutral observation that they are a spiteful keyboard warrior...ahem...loads of people.

you can be a keyboard warrior without being horrible to someone though, like if you’re debating about something without actually doing anything in the real world, a bit like armchair philosopher. It’s not ‘venomous’ it’s a commonly used phrase. you’re a spiteful keyboard warrior if you’re being spiteful to people from behind a screen.
If they don’t want that pointing out then don’t make people feel like shit.

Spiteful keyboard warrior is definitely an insult to me, but that's interesting that you and the pp disagree. So, thank you for the education on that score! Genuinely. Every day's a school day.

No problem

If they don’t want that pointing out then don’t make people feel like shit.

But you see, this is where I disagree with you. If people are being spiteful and unkind, it is great to feel able to point that out, but the language that pp used was at the very least goady. In the interest of us all striving to be kinder and more supportive online, as we hopefully would all be IRL, as she said herself, I think there are better and more civilised ways to converse. But you know. Stick to "nerr nerr, you wouldn't be say that irl you spiteful keyboard warrior" if that's what floats your boat 🤷‍♀️.

Seems a bit drip feedy to me