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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I warned him, and it's his own fault.

345 replies

DieHardISaChristmasFilm · 21/12/2019 12:34

DS is 2 weeks old. I'm BF and hungry constantly. I also had gestational diabetes for the last 10 weeks if pregnancy so very limited carbs.

Last night I wanted fish and chips. DH has unfortunately inherited a bit of competitive under eating from his mother (oh that's me done for the day if there's a big lunch- this is never actually true!) So I was very specific with my order, and being hungry.
He arrives home with a fish each, but one single chips (not even a large one) to go between me, him and DD. He also missed out the curry sauce Xmas Angry
I served up for myself and DD leaving almost no chips for him, then told him it wad his own bloody fault and he needed to go back to the shop if he wanted chips. He's been sulking since last night. WIBU? He knows how much I hate the meager little portions when we go to his parents, it shouldn't be too much to ask for a reasonable portion if chips, esp while breastfeeding!

OP posts:
Durgasarrow · 21/12/2019 23:17

Well done, mother!

cherish123 · 21/12/2019 23:23

If you don't eat carbs, he maybe thought you weren't eating any chips. It was a bit silly for him to get one portion of chips for three but I probably would have shared them equally, maybe giving DD a little less.

cherish123 · 21/12/2019 23:26

Maybe go yourself next time - then you'll get the correct amount.

BlouseAndSkirt · 21/12/2019 23:38

cherish revisit the OP. Check for a) any mention that she doesn’t eat carbs (is that even remotely sensible for anyone breastfeeding??) and b) how he could have misunderstood her very specific request.

CatalogueUniverse · 21/12/2019 23:43

Misogyny. And internalised misogyny.

No woman should have her food intake decided by a man. Or a laydee. Women can take up space we do not need to be as small as possible.

In this case it’s even worse. OP is underweight reason one to eat lots.
Breastfeeding early days particularly needs extra calories. And still the bloke decided he knew better and chose to ignore her specific request and enforce less food. Now he’s sulking because she didn’t submit to the control and because she didn’t submit to bullshit gender role of making sure the man got a decent portion at the expense of the woman and child. Seriously he’s a dick.
He is not supporting the mother of his newborn baby.

Lulualla · 21/12/2019 23:45

@cherish123

What? She suffered gestational diabetes, she lost weight, shes exhausted and breastfeed. She is bloody hungry and deserves to eat whatever she wants.

She obviously stayed home with their daughter and breastfeeding baby whilst he went out to get dinner. She told him she was hungry, and wanted a full meal of fish and chips. He, a competitive underwater, ignored her and got what he considered acceptable. Basically, he expected her to eat less than she wanted so he could still have the amount he wanted, instead of just buying enough food. He knew she was hungry!
But irs her fault and she should go herself? Instead of making him learn what an ass he was?

TriJo · 21/12/2019 23:48

If anyone had come between me and chippy chips while I was breastfeeding my DCs they would be missing a hand now. There is literally no hunger on earth quite like it.

Weenurse · 21/12/2019 23:55

What @ TriJo said

tillytrotter1 · 22/12/2019 02:17

You need a new chippy, at ours a small portion more than feeds two or three and I've sometimes told him to take some off!

dontgobaconmyheart · 22/12/2019 02:31

Wow, this thread has it all. Food police, lovely bit of mansplaining, fat shaming, competitive eating. Obviously YANBU OP, I would have simply pointed out to him that he forgot his chips, he could sulk all the way back to the shop if he'd really wanted who really cares.

Eat what you want OP you bloody deserve it.

StoppinBy · 22/12/2019 02:39

Serves him right, next time he will buy extra if he wants to get any lol.

Tolleshunt · 22/12/2019 02:48

OP, you did exactly the right thing. Hopefully he will now learn his lesson.

I KNEW there would be posters on the thread falling over themselves to finger-wag about committing the mortal sin of eating a whole portion of chips.

Creepster · 22/12/2019 02:56

I recognize that style of abusive behavior from my childhood.

mathanxiety · 22/12/2019 03:25

I strongly suspect your H has an eating disorder and is trying to 'educate' you as to the wrongness of your ways, and assuage his own anxieties about weight gain by policing your food intake.

I have a close relative who let slip several remarks during my pregnancies and post partum period that revealed her extreme anxiety surrounding eating and normal pregnancy weight gain. Thank goodness I wasn't relying on her for meals.

Well done for speaking up on your own behalf. I also had GD, during my last pregnancy. I licked the plates in the hospital after DD was born. My eating disordered relative was delighted to see how 'thin' I was in late pregnancy. I had milk production issues that affected poor DD. It's no joke. Nor is an eating disorder.

kateandme · 22/12/2019 03:28

Tolleshunt but at least they werent from....McDonalds!

scenicview222 · 22/12/2019 03:41

Haha I would order online next time on Just Eat and order what I want. If he wants to eat like a bird he can order the portions he likes.

mediumbrownmug · 22/12/2019 04:39

Yabvvu to give him any chips at all. I’d have split my chips with my DC and taken half DH’s fish to make up for it. Grin

marmitedreams · 22/12/2019 05:01

Currently sat here Breastfeeding’s twins, your DH inspires rage in me. I think it is the mixture of condescension and controlling behaviour that infuriates.

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/12/2019 05:23

God, I'm hungry now. Our local chippy chip portions and a bit large for me but when I was exclusively breastfeeding I had to eat loads of food and I still lost weight. The now super skinny one was a hungry baby and I needed calories and fat to feed him. Enjoy your baby and keep up the good work of teaching your husband not to food shame women. You don't want a daughter with food or weight issues.

MissLadyM · 22/12/2019 05:25

Try some dust! Marjorie Dawes swears by it!

humbleworded · 22/12/2019 05:35

I could have written this post. The portion at my in-laws kill me and my husband eats so much!!!

RhiWrites · 22/12/2019 08:11

who cares.1000 or 100 eat it in balance and it wont matter

Exactly @kateandme the amount of calories in chips is a red (battered) herring.

This is a story about people who decide for you how much you should be eating. It’s rude. And @LurkingFather is another example of it.

00Sassy · 22/12/2019 08:15

@MissLadyM haha now you get it!
Dust! Grin

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 22/12/2019 09:34

Try some dust! Marjorie Dawes swears by it!

It sounds like OP's husband failed to properly understand the full scientific principles of the 'half the calories' diet. One bag of chips only has half the calories of two bags - so you can eat twice as many of them Smile

CheesePleaseLoueese · 22/12/2019 09:40

Still breastfeeding a toddler here. God I want fish and chips now...
YADNBU!
He'll learn!