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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I warned him, and it's his own fault.

345 replies

DieHardISaChristmasFilm · 21/12/2019 12:34

DS is 2 weeks old. I'm BF and hungry constantly. I also had gestational diabetes for the last 10 weeks if pregnancy so very limited carbs.

Last night I wanted fish and chips. DH has unfortunately inherited a bit of competitive under eating from his mother (oh that's me done for the day if there's a big lunch- this is never actually true!) So I was very specific with my order, and being hungry.
He arrives home with a fish each, but one single chips (not even a large one) to go between me, him and DD. He also missed out the curry sauce Xmas Angry
I served up for myself and DD leaving almost no chips for him, then told him it wad his own bloody fault and he needed to go back to the shop if he wanted chips. He's been sulking since last night. WIBU? He knows how much I hate the meager little portions when we go to his parents, it shouldn't be too much to ask for a reasonable portion if chips, esp while breastfeeding!

OP posts:
Tolleshunt · 22/12/2019 11:08

Kate Grin

ahmadsmom2015 · 22/12/2019 18:00

Stand your ground but let him know you understand his ways but don’t impose it on you. Also, show him some text about the calories breastfeeding needs so he can fully understand. Although he should know, just remind him and be nice to him when saying so and then just be firm and walk off to do other bits. Always works with my husband.

alistairric2 · 22/12/2019 18:04

You should have took his fish as well.

Muminthewoods19 · 22/12/2019 18:23

I wouldn't have given him any chips, I'm also breastfeeding and starving, the Hanger is real x

DistanceCall · 22/12/2019 18:27

Tell him he has a problem with food, and while you will support him, it's for him to sort it out. Making you and your child suffer because of his unexamined issues is ridiculous.

FelicisNox · 22/12/2019 18:29

YANBU for being pissed off and hungry but YABVU by behaving like a petulant child.

You should have dealt with this appropriately and despite what the MN mafia will say, being a hormonal breastfeeding mother is not an all access pass to acting like an asshole.

Your child witnessed you both behaving like idiots and that is never ok.

It's time to apologise for being a twat but make it clear that his weird food issues stop now or he will be eating alone because you won't tolerate his unhealthy eating issues to rub off on your kids.

Congratulations on your new bambini.

DreamTheMoors · 22/12/2019 18:30

@DieHardISaChristmasFilm

Absolutely YANBU but I have a question: if you know he’s a competitive under-eater did you specify that you wanted your own large chips? Because wouldn’t he just revert to type and do exactly what he did?
You taught him exactly the right lesson. Let him sulk.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 22/12/2019 18:34

You should have dealt with this appropriately

What do you deem appropriate? I can't see much wrong with dishing up appropriate portions for two people and then leaving the remainder for the one who decided to change the order. It's nothing like being a "petulant child" (unlike the DH who then sulked for a significant amount of time)

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 22/12/2019 18:35

FelicisNox

Are you reading the same thread as the rest of us?

She gave her own order and he deliberately failed to get it, because he thought he knew better than her what she should eat. However does that make her to blame at all?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 22/12/2019 18:37

I have a question: if you know he’s a competitive under-eater did you specify that you wanted your own large chips? Because wouldn’t he just revert to type and do exactly what he did?

Yes, it's in the OP. She didn't even ask for a large chips - just a small one i.e. a normal portion for an adult.

SalmonFajitas · 22/12/2019 18:41

@FelicisNox

Don't be ridiculous - OP was entirely appropriate in her response. She told him what he should get her - he decided to get less so he should absolutely be the one who eats less. The child learned that attempts of one partner to control the other aren't acceptable.

awesomeness · 22/12/2019 18:42

Id leave him for the lack of curry anyway

Seriously he needs to keep the under eating to himself, you put your order in girl .....not your fault he forgot to order a bag for himself

rp30 · 22/12/2019 18:44

The responses here are like memo's from business tycoon's about deals rather than women talking about their lovers

sage46 · 22/12/2019 18:44

YANBU , I would have been furious with him. Bf makes you very hungry. Good that you called him out on his silly, pretend eating 'issue'.

Lulualla · 22/12/2019 18:46

@FelicisNox
So what would be appropriate? He screwed up the order in a deliberate attempt to deprive her of food.
She simply served herself a small portion and her daughter a small portion, so the child and the breastfeeding mother had a half decent meal. She gave him a few, which I wouldn't have done.

What would you say she should have done?
A) dont have chips herself and just give them to hil and their daughter
B) dont give their daughter any chips and just have split them between the adults.

He is the one who didn't buy enough food. She made sure that she and her child had enough to eat (even though it was still less than she had ordered for herself). And she is still the problem in this scenario?

firstimemamma · 22/12/2019 18:49

"He's been sulking since last night"

Wow. Just wow.

Yanbu!

If he complains to you again you tell him breastfeeding requires an extra 500 calories a day! He needs to grow up!

FruitcakeOfHate · 22/12/2019 18:56

Wow, he behave inappropriately. He's the one still sulking but she is 'hormonal' 'asshole', needs to apologise for being a 'twat'? WTF? All she did was serve up herself and her child, there was no scene.

nocoolnamesleft · 22/12/2019 18:58

Your only mistake was leaving him any chips at all.

Socksey · 22/12/2019 19:01

is will probably pies you off, but a portion of chippy chips has between 800 and 1k calories.

Add the fish and the batter. You are looking easily at a day and half of nutrition or more in a single chippy portion. Without breakfast or else.

While he might have behaved like an arse, it seems your hunger and your actual needs are also not well lined up. Having pregnancy diabetes sets you up for becoming diabetic long term, so you might as well address that now."

Really.... if you eat that every day then maybe.... but as part of a healthy balanced diet, it is not a problem to overeat occasionally....
Diabetes does not come on from a single overly large meal.... we all have different dietary needs.... do you know that I needs the better part of 3000calories daily not to lose weight.... i suspect you are like my mother who thinks that anything over 700 is massive and more than anyone needs.... btw... she has been over weight most of her adult life and at 5'1" has spent the last 25+ years weighing in excess of 15stone... I weigh less than 2/3 that and only so much due to a sport I play... I carry less than 20% body fat... just in case anyone thought I was excessive on my eating....

LittleMsM · 22/12/2019 19:02

You handled that like a boss, plonker shouldn't be sulking. Any reason you couldn't of picked up? Got delivered? This would annoy me so much!

Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 22/12/2019 19:08

Does he know how much more formula would cost him than an extra bag of chips?

Seeingadistance · 22/12/2019 19:09

I’m on page 7 of this 10 page thread. Off to the chippy now for a fish supper.

Will continue reading on my return.

LH1987 · 22/12/2019 19:15

I am currently pregnant so your situation made me incandescent with rage (might be hormones...). I think you were very understanding, I don’t think 1 small chips is enough between you and DD TBH.

Junie70 · 22/12/2019 19:17

The fact he's still sulking would suggest to me that he was trying to control your calorie intake.

And failed.

Good for you OP. I remember those early days of constant hunger and thirst when BFing.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 22/12/2019 19:21

Curry sauce? On fish n chips?
Has anyone actually seen curry sauce In the south or is this really a northern thing?