To think adult gift giving is a waste of time

[longestlurkerever]

Things I have seen denounced as crap (or at least very risky) gifts on Mumsnet this year:

Books
Bath stuff
Clothes
Jewellery
Homeware
Perfume
Ornamental things
Vouchers
Homeware
Experiences
Charity Gifts
Candles
Slippers/dressing gowns etc
Plants
Foodstuffs
Alcohol

I mean wtf is a good gift? And then you run the gauntlet of "not having put enough thought in" and being judged as uncaring for not being able to adequately express your love or friendship through the medium of commerce. Why do we put ourselves through it? Can we just have a collective pact not to bother?

I really, really don’t see the point. Maybe a book that I wouldn’t think of buying myself? That’s the only thing I can think of that’s “worth it”. The rest just creates obligation. When we all can just buy exactly what we want it seems like this circle of giving just wastes time, money (for all the stuff people secretly don’t want) and creates bad feeling. Only exception I can think of is gifting to impoverished offspring with no expectation of reciprocation. Everyone else trying to spend exactly the same on one another is just bonkers.

All of those sound great!

I love getting gifts, and I love giving them. DH and I are as much kids as the DC's when it comes to Christmas. 'Something you want, something you need, something you love, something to read. . .and possibly a wee touch more'.

We do stockings too.

For everyone. Even the cat.

I think if you know each other well/or can tell each other what you like adult gift giving is lovely.

I'm getting my parents a hamper of their favourite Italian foods ordered online, its all food they like and bring back from Italy but they'd never online shop for themselves (they dont do online food shops either).
I've asked DH for a breastfeeding frendly dress for my birthday, I've told him the shop and the size but this way I get the fun of the design and pattern being a surprise.

Those gifts sound alright to me, they’re surely just generic gifts pretty much everyone likes.

I think it’s better to get generic crap than buy something that completely misses the mark and won’t get used. My Mum doesn’t really know who I am still after so many years, she buys me gifts that are utterly baffling such as unicorn slippers and furry pyjamas. I’m really not a unicorn type person and never have been, I spent my teen years as a goth and she never really ‘got me’ then either.

I’d rather not get a present than get a rubbish one I won’t use. It’s just hassle then having to take it to the charity shop or whatever.

Pointless in our case. We give PIL (loaded) a voucher, and they give us a cheque. Have suggested pooling monies and going out for a nice meal but that's too frivolous apparently. Stupid waste of time.

We gave up a few years ago and a weight was lifted. It’s hard to buy adults things they already have or can afford themselves.

DH - aftershave every year. DF - hankies. I’d also spend time getting lots of silly little bits that my lovely but unthinking FIL would look at me puzzled as if to say “Why did you get a bell that says ring for more beer?” Well as a novelty fun gift, sigh!

Now we have no more tat, don’t waste money, and we just spend time together (and eat lots of yummy food and drink, obviously!)

I like getting presents. In my family we simply ask each other what we would like. Usually a few suggestions to from choose from or sometimes a suggestion may be a specific item. Different family members have different budgets so sometimes a gift given to me isn't always something I could just buy myself because I 'want' it.

Anything can be an excellent or crap gift depending on who’s receiving it though.

I’d be thrilled with books, clothes, something nice for the house. A voucher, a nice experience...all great.

A gin giftset and a celeb perfume were shit gifts I had last year. I’m sure they would have been lovely for lots of people but I hate gin and haven’t worn perfume for ten years - 2 facts the person who got me those knew.

I’m so laid back I’m almost horizontal and i’m a really easy person to buy for...but it’s easy to tell the ‘i grabbed the first generic lady gift set I saw’ gift a mile off.

It’s not about the quality of the gift, more the thought itself. So long as adequate thought has been put into the gift (e.g. not getting someone who is allergic to nuts nutty chocolates or not buying Julie cooper for an intellectual) then that’s all the matters. What counts is that someone thought of you and wanted to get something for you that they think you’d like in order to make you happy.

There's nothing wrong with any of the gifts on that list. Where things go wrong is when people buy without any thought for the receiver (maybe because they have so many buy for that they don't have the time/energy to put the thought into it).

For instance my sister is allergic to soaps and perfumes, so I would never get her either of those items as a gift. I personally love getting skincare, body wash, perfume and that sort of thing as a gift though.

I personally only shop for people close to me and put a lot of thought into it. Much easier when it's only 5 people.

I find the thought police just as grabby in their own way as greedy people though. Adults are HARD to buy for. Why do we insist people spend so much energy trying to track down something they like enough to appreciate but not enough to have bought themselves? I am not particularly difficult to buy for. I like pretty much all the things on the list too, but if it was my own money i wouldn't prioritise any of them over getting a load of jobs done around the house and saving up for a course i want to do. Ultimately i have enough stuff. I would love to spend more time with friends though.

It really depends on the person and the gift. Usually something thoughtful or that they like but maybe wouldn’t buy for themselves goes down well! But I wouldn’t take MN posters as gospel, most are a good bunch but others will moan about anything. You could give out Euromillions cheques and someone would be annoyed about having to carry it in their bag

I think it is a complete waste of time. So much so that I have family that now actually just buy their own gifts and we give them the money and wrap it for them.

Depends on the person obviously. Personally I love finding things for my friends and family that I think they'll love, especially if it's not something they haven't bought for themselves but haven't even seen. I've never been told something was shite anyway gifts for the sake of 'having' to get something can be a bit off but if I don't know you well enough, odds are you're not on the list.

Fuck buying for adults. I hate it. No one's ever happy. It's a waste of money. It causes endless amounts of stress at what should be a happy time of year. Xmas should be about spending TIME (not money) with family. And treats for the little ones who believe in all the magic. Buying for adults is the one reason Xmas causes unnecessary stress and agro.

That song, "white wine in the sun", a beautiful Christmas song, had a great sentiment about the old idea of a present of socks "is just fine by me", and I stand by this... however if you want to give me a present and you haven't got a clue what I like, just ask me!

dudsville Beautiful song and the sentiment is perfect!

I think token gift giving (eg in the office) is a bit mad, so don't do that - but I do buy gifts (£20-30ish)for two close friends, who each reciprocate. - Christmas and Birthdays.
I have a small family, so enjoy the gifts from my friends.
I had assumed that one of them (with large family) was inundated with gifts - but it was only last year that it came up in conversation that with siblings etc, they only buy for each others children - or give money to the children.

The value isn't that important, depending what is going on workwise - and I enjoy listening out through the year for things they'd like. As PP has said, it's easy if you're not buying for loads of people.

Off to google the song...

It depends on the adult.. I’m very much a grown up, but still enjoy receiving a gift (my ds’s are teens and actually really good at choosing for me). I like bath stuff, candles, chocolates.. so anyone who knows me would be able to find something simple and relatively inexpensive to buy me. I guess the only problem is people being thoughtless / buying for people they don’t properly know.
I did grow up with parents who put a lot of time and effort into buying gifts for each other though, so maybe it stems from there, Christmas was for everyone, not just the children.

If we gave up giving adults presents we wouldn't have (m)any presents. My sister is childless, her choice. I have 3 adult children and 5 grandchildren. None of us are particularly well off so Christmas is a time to give those little luxuries.

I can understand why large families may want to cut down, once we and our cousins hit 18 we moved on to family presents.

longestlurkerever have tissues at the ready if you're at all sentimental...

We only buy for children with DH’s family. So much easier. My family still do the gift buying and I find it pointless. I stick to food , drink or nice toiletries now as at least they’ll be used.

@longestlurkerever.....I agree. I have everything I need and am too busy and stressed to be shopping for shit fir grown ups. My friends and sister decided about 10 years ago we would stop buying for each other and go out for a meal instead - best decision ever! My FIL hates the thought of no gifts but never knows what to get anyone so I end up shopping for him! Rips my knitting every year

I love gifts. Socks/hand cream/bath stuff/books/clothes... most things. I rarely buy myself stuff and love getting ‘frivolous’ things that I wouldn’t normally buy.
DH hates gifts. There’s nothing he wants.
There’s no ‘one size fits all’ approach. Surely we should know our family well enough to know what approach they prefer? And if I don’t know them that well, I probably wouldn’t be buying them a present anyway.