To think adult gift giving is a waste of time

[longestlurkerever]

Things I have seen denounced as crap (or at least very risky) gifts on Mumsnet this year:

Books
Bath stuff
Clothes
Jewellery
Homeware
Perfume
Ornamental things
Vouchers
Homeware
Experiences
Charity Gifts
Candles
Slippers/dressing gowns etc
Plants
Foodstuffs
Alcohol

I mean wtf is a good gift? And then you run the gauntlet of "not having put enough thought in" and being judged as uncaring for not being able to adequately express your love or friendship through the medium of commerce. Why do we put ourselves through it? Can we just have a collective pact not to bother?

One year - happened to be the year I was widowed - my family decided to just buy presents for the children. I don't have children.

My sister and her husband bought presents for each other. My brother and his wife bought presents for each other.
We all bought presents for our parents and the kids.

No one bought me anything. It hurt. A lot.

Since then we have gone back to a secret Santa type of thing so everyone gets a present. All the children are grown up too so they have their own.

Sometimes, when you're the one who is single and childless and so get no presents from children or your partner, it is nice to get something for Christmas just to know that someone does actually give a shit.

Book tokens - everyone I know, who knows me well will get me book tokens - a gift that goes on giving - all year round I will get time all to myself, to go choose my books, to sit and read them in companionable silence with my family.

I love my presents.

I think it depends on the relationship with that person and what they consider a 'nice' gift. I can buy my dad thoughtful, wanted gifts easily (we have the same taste in books and music, and he loves getting both as gifts). Ditto my DP, who likes experiences (trips, gigs etc) and being surprised - easy to do.

But my sister, who has very expensive taste? Nightmare - she would never expect me to buy her the things she likes and buys herself, and she's always grateful for what I do buy her, but I know it's not what she's really bothered about and it seems a waste of time. Or my mum, who is very fussy, lives very simply and doesn't like stuff or clutter, doesn't drink, would hate a spa day or weekend away, hates being bought clothes or jewellery... impossible. This year she's getting a power tool, but I had to ask what she wanted because I had no idea, and her knowing ruins the surprise (although she wouldn't have bought it herself, so it's still nice).

Leighhalfpennysthigh - sorry for your loss, this is exactly my issue though so many people get 'forgotten' (single mothers, unwed/childless, widows, older family etc...) with these rules, which favor people who are privileged to have families, partner, spare money to spend on themselves etc...

People moan about consumerism/cost but thats not it because gifts dont have to be expensive (or even cost anything) it's a gesture, thought and effort that says we care - just because some decides they personally dont like 'gifts' doesn't mean others in their life would be so ungrateful and gifting is about the receiver not the giver.

I only buy presents for adults, my list consists of my DH, my 3 adult DC and my DM.

You need to buy the gift for the person - think about them and what they like, dislike, do, are interested in etc
rather than just buying a gift for gifts sake.

I think it becomes a waste of time and money when you’re just buying for the sake of it and nobody really knows what to get anyone. I managed to stop present exchanging with several family members and a few friends because of this. I now only buy for 3 people but enjoy doing so in every case. So I’d say do whatever works best for you. I like most things on your list!

Thoughtful adult gift giving is lovely

It is indeed lovely, but the loveliness comes from the thought behind it rather than the actual gift.

Children, students and anyone whose income is less than they would like can welcome gifts as luxuries they could not otherwise afford.

Once you get to the point that you have everything you want, or have the means to purchase anything that you desire, then the point of presents is just to indicate love and thoughtfulness. There really, honestly isn't anything anyone could get for me that I want, and have not already got.

In my family, we acknowledge this by restricting buying to small presents (small box chocolates, bottle wine etc.) DH and his side of the family value 'surprises'. Sigh.

I love presents! I can afford to buy things I want, but I really appreciate thoughtful gifts and little indulgences. I'm not really into practical gifts, and I hate people asking what I want.