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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU. Is anyone else also strugling this christmas ?

128 replies

LidiaM · 20/12/2019 15:59

I am so depresed,
me and my husband are strugling this year as my maternity has finished and hes got his pay from work today which menas that the next one will be on the 30th of January ..
I am sooo stressed out, my hair has fallen down from the amount of stress.My nails are cracked and I have been getting spots lately.
I AM LITERALLY LEFT with £200 for 6 weeks incl food, nappies etc
my little girl turns 1 next 2 weeks and I have only bought her one cheap present incl christmas too, we are not going to have a party for her either as I cant afford it !!
we are not getting any benefits and everything is soo expensive.
rent, council , electricity, I cant do this anymore :(((
I am cant borrow any money from friends or family because I am so ashamed and I feel lile a failure.
I even considered setting up an anonim fund me page to get £100 or £200 and put my mind at ease as I cant live like that.
I am stressing out too much and my body cant take anymore.

OP posts:
PiggyInTheMiddle19 · 20/12/2019 16:08

Are you entitled to anything?
My dh got paid today but were pretending its not in there until next Fri when it normally would be in there.. Easier said than done.
Your dc won't know any different so please don't stress or borrow to buy her stuff.im sure she'll get plenty.

We've been there one Yr and it's crap but I always tried to remember there's people worse off than we were.

We now save each month to cover Xmas and I see it as a bill that has to be paid. So no saying ah I won't this month.

ghostyslovesheets · 20/12/2019 16:09

I'm confused but I would a) check you are getting everything you are entitled to and b) seek a food bank referral

you're on mat leave? When do you return to work? Can work sub you?

ComtesseDeSpair · 20/12/2019 16:11

Okay. Firstly. A one-year-old doesn’t need presents or a party or a fancy Christmas, she’ll have no idea about any of it. You really don’t need to feel like a failure for not wasting money on things she won’t understand or remember. You can have a lovely Christmas just the three of you with a roast dinner with some extra trimmings.

When are you due to return work? Can you arrange to return earlier than planned so that you’ll have an income again?

PiggyInTheMiddle19 · 20/12/2019 16:12

What's made this month different to the previous? Except Xmas but you say you haven't brought much so that wouldn't of had a massive impact. Have you had an unexpected bill or something?

Clawdy · 20/12/2019 16:13

Though this thread had been deleted twice already today?

JumpyLiz · 20/12/2019 16:15

Your daughter won't know nor care that it's birthday/Xmas so put that out of your head.

Don't be ashamed to ask family and friends for support. Far more shameful to beg on the internet imo.

apacketofcrisps · 20/12/2019 16:16

What help are you looking for

TheMustressMhor · 20/12/2019 16:16

Lidia - your baby needs no presents and no party, so do not worry about that.

If you have such a small amount of money, ask your HV for a referral to a food bank.

Check www.entitledto.co.uk as well.

Clawdy · 20/12/2019 16:18

Something odd about this post, it's been deleted twice.

Rosehip10 · 20/12/2019 16:19

What are you looking for OP? Hmm

SquashedOrange · 20/12/2019 16:19

But if DH got paid today, then why do you only have £200?

ItsNovemberNotChristmas · 20/12/2019 16:19

Begging threads are always removed

Pilot12 · 20/12/2019 16:20

Could you not have gone back to work when your maternity pay stopped? I have a couple of friends who have done this because they couldn't manage for another three months on one wage.

I don't mean to sound horrible but you knew that your maternity pay was going to stop and when so you could have prepared better for it.

Your DC has no idea what a birthday or Christmas is. I have friends who are getting nothing for their baby for Christmas for this reason. I'm assuming you have friends and family that will be buying her a gift so she'll have presents to open. She'll never know you didn't get her anything.

TheReluctantCountess · 20/12/2019 16:22

At least your child is too young to realise - they don’t need a big present or a party.
You can do this.

FestiveFavourites · 20/12/2019 16:23

Don't set up a gofundme page to buy your child Christmas and birthday presents, she won't know any difference. People won't donate either, even genuine campaigns to raise money for medical treatment get very few donations, people are cynical about giving money to strangers. A few bits and bobs from a charity shop will be more than enough for your child. Tell your family you're struggling too, they may want to help out.

BackBoiler · 20/12/2019 16:25

Small gift and regular sponge cake from the shop with a candle. If you really want a party some small sandwiches and cake with a few little ones and the adults could just have tea/coffee and cake!

Lots of people are in the same boat at Christmas. You need to find a way of boosting income/reducing outgoings or seeing if you are entitled to anything.

Life is sometimes shit but all you can do is try.

ballsdeep · 20/12/2019 16:26

She won't know but maybe you need to go back to work? Stretching yourself for a year is silly if you onky have £200 left to ast you 6 weeks when you've only just got paid.

Lindy2 · 20/12/2019 16:27

Are you working OP?

Perhaps you could get a job to increase your income. I'm sure that would be preferable to a go fund me page.

If your partner works days you could work evenings or weekends to avoid childcare costs.

Original poster
LidiaM · 20/12/2019 16:28

sorry I didnt post anything today. This is my only one . This is not a begging post ! I am not asking for any money I just wanted to express how I feel.
we usually get paid every 4 weeks and now we need to wait 6 weeks which means less spending money ofcourse.
I want to get a job but even if I start in January then my pay day will not be till the end.

OP posts:
Lozz22 · 20/12/2019 16:28

I'm struggling massively. We lost our second Baby on Christmas Day last year when I was 6 weeks pregnant that Baby would've been 4 months old this Christmas Day. We lost our 4th Baby 11 weeks ago. Yesterday I should've been 20 weeks pregnant. All 4 of our Babies have died and today after getting all the symptoms I got during my last pregnancy I tested and got a bfn so I can't even give my other half the present he so longs for

MissLadyM · 20/12/2019 16:29

There's no law that says you have to spend a fortune at Christmas. You can easily manage on that amount of money and get a good bank referral. I hate these begging threads. Some people have zero!

Original poster
LidiaM · 20/12/2019 16:29

@SquashedOrange 200 pounds after all bills incls rent etct

OP posts:
MissLadyM · 20/12/2019 16:31

Ffs £200 is more than enough after the bills are paid!

TheReluctantCountess · 20/12/2019 16:31

Did you budget anything for the Christmas period? For next year, it would be worth setting up some sort of saving account to pay for it.

TheMustressMhor · 20/12/2019 16:32

OP-this is definitely not your only thread about this. I have seen two.