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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU. Is anyone else also strugling this christmas ?

128 replies

LidiaM · 20/12/2019 15:59

I am so depresed,
me and my husband are strugling this year as my maternity has finished and hes got his pay from work today which menas that the next one will be on the 30th of January ..
I am sooo stressed out, my hair has fallen down from the amount of stress.My nails are cracked and I have been getting spots lately.
I AM LITERALLY LEFT with £200 for 6 weeks incl food, nappies etc
my little girl turns 1 next 2 weeks and I have only bought her one cheap present incl christmas too, we are not going to have a party for her either as I cant afford it !!
we are not getting any benefits and everything is soo expensive.
rent, council , electricity, I cant do this anymore :(((
I am cant borrow any money from friends or family because I am so ashamed and I feel lile a failure.
I even considered setting up an anonim fund me page to get £100 or £200 and put my mind at ease as I cant live like that.
I am stressing out too much and my body cant take anymore.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 20/12/2019 17:01

Have you used any of the benefit calculator websites to input your details and see whether you may be entitled to UC and council tax reduction?

rebecca102 · 20/12/2019 17:02

@MissLadyM Jesus what do you eat? There is no way I could live off 200 for 6 weeks and apart from food all the other expenses, fuel etc.

AiryFairyMum · 20/12/2019 17:07

If he's been paid early, do you still have some money left from last month's pay? There should still be 10 day's worth from the end of November's pay.

PepePig · 20/12/2019 17:07

If you're not working I'd buy loads of cheap stuff to batch cook with. Make huge cheap portions of mostly veg based meals. Own brand products. Budget lines, etc. Go to Lidl rather than Asda. Basically try keep your shopping bill tiny with no luxuries. Set aside money for fuel if you drive. Walk as much as possible to conserve it. Sell things if you need more money on Gumtree, etc. We sold old phones a few weeks ago and got just under £100 from EE.
Apply for jobs tonight. Literally anything.

Can you go to a relative's for Christmas dinner? That'll save some money.

expatinspain · 20/12/2019 17:08

I hate MN at times like this. It's easier said than done to put a bit away each month if you don't have enough each month to start with. £200 is loads until 30th Jan?! In what world?! I really hope the people posting this aren't in comfortable situations themselves, as that would show a complete lack of empathy and compassion and make you a bit of a wanker. OP, I have been where you are, struggling, trying to juggle everything. It's shit. Yes a one year old doesn't need stuff or parties, but you are surrounded by people who can afford this, Christmas adverts depicting the perfect family etc and it's shit to be on the outside looking in and struggling. Just be positive and think at least you have all your bills paid and you're not worrying about that and give yourself a break. Next year will be better x

daisypond · 20/12/2019 17:09

While it is tight, £200 for six weeks for two adults and a baby is doable, if that’s what you have left after bills.

PiggyInTheMiddle19 · 20/12/2019 17:09

If paid 4 weekly.. And has been paid early. Where's last month money gone?

BrickTop999 · 20/12/2019 17:11

I second the benefit calculator
“Entitled to” website is extremely easy to use and understand
Try it

BlackCatFan · 20/12/2019 17:12

It doesn't sound like a begging thread to me. Sounds like someone in a tough situation who wants support, that's all 🤷‍♀️

TheMustressMhor · 20/12/2019 17:15

I have been in your situation and I truly sympathise.

It isn't any help to the OP when people tell her she either shouldn't have had the baby or that she should have budgeted for this month.

She clearly doesn't have enough money to have saved anything from the last pay day. Be realistic.

TheMustressMhor · 20/12/2019 17:17

Where's last month money gone

As I said - try to be realistic. Last month's money went on food and bills, of course.

coconutty101 · 20/12/2019 17:18

OP, I think everyone struggles this time of year.
I'm afraid to say you just have to cut back, cut corners.
I have a 1 year old, he has a few presents because I got them in November.

My OH isn't working, we're on UC, and my part time wage.
We are managing just about but being careful with money.

Most people get paid early December and then have to wait til end of january.

But yes agree, seek food bank, and go to the job centre or Cab to see whsg you're entitled to.

Redannie118 · 20/12/2019 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 20/12/2019 17:19

@MissLadyM £4.76 a day to feed 3 people and buy the other necessities OP listed above more than enough?! What planet are you on?

Scarsthelot · 20/12/2019 17:21

As I said - try to be realistic. Last month's money went on food and bills, of course..
If you get paid every 4 weeks and then paid 2 weeks early for christmas, it means at some point then there was only 2 weeks between pay days. So the last wage only lasted 2 weeks? Knowing they would be waiting 6 weeks at one point?

OP and her dh knew they would be skint. If they couldnt afford to save a little, op needed to be looking at work. Supermarkets have been crying out for people to work any shifts up to and over christmas.

There is much OP could have done

TheReluctantCountess · 20/12/2019 17:22

@Redannie118 where does the op say about the lost baby?

user764329056 · 20/12/2019 17:22

Sorry for the stress you are going through OP, money worries are horrendous and all-consuming, especially at this time of year, please research local resources to see if you can have any help

Scarsthelot · 20/12/2019 17:23

Your child has its 1st birthday in the next 2 weeks? So for the sake of argument child was born 1st Jan 2019? Yet you say you lost a baby christmas day 2018 at 6 weeks?

It wasnt op that lost her baby at christmas.

TheMustressMhor · 20/12/2019 17:24

@Redannie118

It wasn't the OP who said she had had a miscarriage on Christmas Day 2018.

TheMustressMhor · 20/12/2019 17:26

Heavens, some people have no idea how hard it is to budget when you're on a low wage.

It isn't as simple as saving a little every month. There isn't anything to save.

Original poster
LidiaM · 20/12/2019 17:27

@Scarsthelot no I havent lost baby last year christmas ! we have had a lot of losses over the past FEW YEARS and we have been trying FEW YEARS. get over

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 20/12/2019 17:27

There is much OP could have done

I really do not think there was anything she could have done. This comment and others like it make me so mad.

Fr0g · 20/12/2019 17:28

I've worked for many organisations that paid people early before the Christmas break - it's only a timing difference, and to assist people that need money before the break. (and so finance staff don't have to do payroll and bank transfers between Christmas and new year).
If your husband had been paid on 30 Dec or whenever, you'd still have had the same amount of money overall - the 'have to wait six weeks' stuff makes no sense - he has just received the December pay two weeks early - so whatever was left from the November pay after bills/rent/mortgage only had to last two weeks (or there's half of that left).

Redannie118 · 20/12/2019 17:29

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, and so we've agreed to take this down now.

TheMustressMhor · 20/12/2019 17:29

@LidiaM

MN isn't always a useful place for advice and support when you haven't got much money, I'm afraid.

Sorry you're depressed and struggling for money.

Things will improve when you go back to work.

In the meantime, don't worry about getting your baby presents and having a party. They don't notice birthdays until they are three.