AIBU. Is anyone else also strugling this christmas ?

[LidiaM]

I am so depresed,
me and my husband are strugling this year as my maternity has finished and hes got his pay from work today which menas that the next one will be on the 30th of January ..
I am sooo stressed out, my hair has fallen down from the amount of stress.My nails are cracked and I have been getting spots lately.
I AM LITERALLY LEFT with £200 for 6 weeks incl food, nappies etc
my little girl turns 1 next 2 weeks and I have only bought her one cheap present incl christmas too, we are not going to have a party for her either as I cant afford it !!
we are not getting any benefits and everything is soo expensive.
rent, council , electricity, I cant do this anymore :(((
I am cant borrow any money from friends or family because I am so ashamed and I feel lile a failure.
I even considered setting up an anonim fund me page to get £100 or £200 and put my mind at ease as I cant live like that.
I am stressing out too much and my body cant take anymore.

St Vincent de Paul society can help when you're in a crisis. They can bring out oil stamps, supermarket vouchers, even money sometimes.

I was in Aldi today and noticed they are selling bags of veg for 15p. There was a whole red cabbage, a swede, 1kg carrots, 500g sprouts, parsnips and a 2.5kg bag of potatoes priced at just 15p. Might be with going to stock up on things like that which will do some decent meals. You just need to add store cupboard bits for nice soup, maybe buy a chicken for Christmas dinner. Good luck.

I'm having the worst Christmas time in my memory as well.
I lost my job 3 weeks ago, I've had a mental health breakdown, I have no family support at all and people who I thought were friends have screwed me over. I have a partner but he is working away till the beginning of January. I have 2 kids from my ex husband and this is his year with them for Christmas and I'm dreading dropping them off on Monday.
I keep bursting into tears, I just feel bleak and like I dont know how I'm going to turn things around for myself. Holding out the tiniest of hopes that 2020 will be better 🤞😔

@MrsFoxPlus4Again
@doggybiccys a rainbow baby is a baby born after loss.

Oh my god. I’m so sorry - I had no idea. Sorry if this upset anyone.

£200 after bills and rent is more than enough. What are you on about OP? Come off it. And it's not like you haven't had all year to put a few quid away 🙄

Begging thread is begging.

Due to an unexpected illness we're broke too and with a 6 week gap between pay like you - our DC are 2yo. We decided to reduce our Christmas plans and tbh - we all feel better for it. Pressies for the twins are from local charity shops, we aren't doing a Christmas dinner but instead having our favourite cooked meal as a family (nothing exciting by most people's standards, but the one thing I cook I can guarantee me DH and the twins will eat is a home made lasagna - not expensive and so bloody easy to make :D).

I'm in the process of making some home-made decorations which I wanted to start earlier this week but we all came down with horrible norovirus D:

Lidl or Aldi have really reasonably priced food and if you're worrying about essentials like formula if your child is FF - then your local Welfare Rights team might be able to set you up with foodbank vouchers, that way you can get your food via the foodbank if possible and use the money you would have spent on Formula.

If things get really tight you can contact your energy provider/water provider and explain your circumstances, they can set you up with a reduced/amended payment plan for lower income than expected. Some companies can even defer a bill payment by a month to tide you over until January.

There are loads of ways to compensate when your money is stretched a bit tight, Moneysavingexpert is a good place to start.

Jack?? The surname escapes me £1 a day lady

@Lanaa I know !!!, just got back with full bags of potatoes, carrots , cabbages, and sprouts! so cheap. will add some stock and we will have healthy meals from it.

@AntiEverythingToday I am sorry to hear that :(
I do hope that 2020 will bring more happines into everyones lifes.
best wishes to you, you can do itx

@NaviSprite aww. I am sorry, must be rubbish for you , hope you are getting better .
I do have life and other sort of illness insurances that I pay monthly to make myself feel a bit more secured in case something bad happen but its month like this one that makes me think if I really need it ? what will be it will be. I dont know.
Hope everything turns good for you in 2020.

I think you’re going to have to put your pride aside and ask your real life family for help. Even if someone can make you a spag Bol or a big soup that can last you a few days
.

We normally muddle through but I spoke up about needing to reduce some expenses or when cancelling services this month and have managed to reduce a couple of bills and our DDs ST costs, which will help us a lot stick to a budget. The suggestion of the Aldi 15p veg bag is brilliant, go check that out.

It’s jack munroe with the cheap meals. See here

cookingonabootstrap.com/category/recipes-food/

£200 after bills and rent is more than enough. What are you on about OP? Come off it for 6 weeks for food and nappies too. 32 pound a week?

Jack Munroe is a good place to look for recipes, I do a lot of 'pot luck' casseroles for our family, plenty of veggies and when buying meat I always walk to the local shops on the day to look for the reduced price fare - then get home and cook it (if you're a meat eater that is :D).

I'm sure 2020 will be a fair bit better for us thank you and I hope the same for you and others who have had to struggle through this year.

I really do recommend speaking with your Welfare Rights or CAB when you can as well and good luck OP.

Remember you DC just needs you and her Dad right now, she won't worry about presents or the like, just cuddles and comfort and caring is what she needs, I said to my DH I won't worry too much about presents for our two until they get to the 'I want - I want - I want' age

Anyone struggling contact SVP.
They get lots of donations this time of year.

Thrifty lesley also has lots of good meal plans on her website costed out at £1 per person per day. All of them are nutritionally balanced and include your 5a day (and the recipes I've tried have been great). Like Jack mo nroe she knows what it's like from her own past. Meal plans include a Christmas plan as well as things like no heat plans etc

@Redannie118 I’m the one who lost her Baby on Christmas Day 18

@Lozz22 I am sorry.

Long time reader of Mumsnet, signed up to post this, but I am also suffering this christmas.

For the first time ever in my life, I am spending christmas alone.

My parent is in hospital and wont be getting home unless by some miracle her care package is approved by next week.

I have no idea how I'm going to cope. I can't drive for medical reasons, my mental health issues make it difficult for me to get out most days as it is, so visiting my parent isn't an option as we live 14 miles from the hospital,with frankly shit transport links at the best of times.

It will literally just be me, as I have no friends other than on the internet which is pretty fucking sad. I have food, I have heating, I have the tv, so I guess that's something.

My sincerest condolences to you ladies who have lost babies at this time of year, I cannot even comprehend how that feels.

OP, as many have said before, your little one wont even know its christmas at this age. As long as they are warm, fed and loved, that is all that matters really.

LidiaM Agree with everyone else that your daughter is too young to realise it’s Christmas and her birthday so please try not to make yourself feel even more stressed out about it. Is she going to get any presents from other family members? I know it’s not the same as something from you and your husband but hopefully this time next year, things will be better.

The links already on here to Jack Monroe’s Cooking on a Bootstrap and Martin Lewis’s Moneysaving Expert are really helpful. There’s also a website that also helps you check if you are entitled to any benefits:

www.entitledto.co.uk/

If nothing else, it will help you look at your budget, although from what you have posted, it sounds as if it’s more a question of your income rather than how you spend it.

You are right about the overdraft. They are one of the worst ways of trying to get on an even keel financially. When you get back in work, try to reduce it by £100 a month until you are back in credit.

Knowhowufeel That is not a kind thing to post. It does not help the OP with her situation now. If you read her posts, you will see that she and her husband had been TTC for 5 years. Their financial situation may have varied over this time. You will see that she refers to her ‘rainbow baby’ so it is clear that her daughter is a much wanted child.

I live off my overdraft every month. I get paid quite a wack yet still plunge into it ! Im going to try some of the money saving ideas PP have posted. I spend a fortune on drink and alcohol xx

My one year old is getting a bunch of big noisy plastic toys from the charity shop this year. Some I found, some a friend donated. They care not a jot. He will be very happy. Have you got anyone with older kids that is having a Pre Christmas clear out? There is no shame in it, I am doing it as I have three kids and he doesn’t need anything and I hate waste and hate buying new plastic tat.

OP check your entitlement to benefits asap.
Then go through your monthly income & expense and:

• cancel all subscriptions eg tv, gym
• review what you are paying on gas/elec, can you make any savings by switching?
• cut any unnecessary expenditure - hair & beauty, luxuries etc
• scour your home - is there anything at all you can sell? Baby things you are no longer using, branded clothes, electronics, kitchenware. You'd be amazed how much cash you can scrape together flogging a few bits on local buy/sell pages
• go round town, see if any pubs or shops need an extra worker for new years eve or boxing day. You could bring in £50 or £100 quite fast doing a few shifts.
• you can make £200 go quite far especially as I doubt your cupboards are bare. Bulk buy cheap veg, tinned tomatoes, lentils and beans, frozen mince etc & bulk cook.
• don't waste money on baby formula, your little one cab switch to cows milk it's cheaper. Buy asda or aldi nappies.

You will likely have a shortfall but if you sell anything you can or try and get any work at all, you might squeeze through.

Sounds like you need to get back to work asap, if your work won't cover childcare, consider some pub or other evening work when your partner can cover at home.

Ps it's DDs first Christmas, we've got her almost nothing. A teddy I got v cheap (reduced), some hand me down Christmas rattle socks (in good nick from her cousin), and a 3.99 book.

It's DS 3rd birthday and I'm not wasting money on a party they don't even notice it! I asked him what he wanted, he wants his grand parents for tea and some sweeties so that's what he's getting and I'm making a cake myself. For Christmas he's having a toy crane that cost £11.99, a cheap book I had left over from a multipack, chocolate money, pants, socks & thomas pjs all cheap from Sainsbury's, used my nectar points!

And we're on a high income! little kids don't want expensive stuff, he will be thrilled with his Christmas pressies.