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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU. Is anyone else also strugling this christmas ?

128 replies

LidiaM · 20/12/2019 15:59

I am so depresed,
me and my husband are strugling this year as my maternity has finished and hes got his pay from work today which menas that the next one will be on the 30th of January ..
I am sooo stressed out, my hair has fallen down from the amount of stress.My nails are cracked and I have been getting spots lately.
I AM LITERALLY LEFT with £200 for 6 weeks incl food, nappies etc
my little girl turns 1 next 2 weeks and I have only bought her one cheap present incl christmas too, we are not going to have a party for her either as I cant afford it !!
we are not getting any benefits and everything is soo expensive.
rent, council , electricity, I cant do this anymore :(((
I am cant borrow any money from friends or family because I am so ashamed and I feel lile a failure.
I even considered setting up an anonim fund me page to get £100 or £200 and put my mind at ease as I cant live like that.
I am stressing out too much and my body cant take anymore.

OP posts:
FestiveFavourites · 20/12/2019 16:33

@Lozz22 that is heartbreaking.

AFemale · 20/12/2019 16:34

A baby doesn't need a birthday party and won't miss a pile of presents. I really wouldn't worry about that.

I've been on the bones of my arse and I know how shit it can make you feel but a baby is none the wiser and it's not worth making yourself ill over. You have your bills paid and £200 left, it might not feel like it but compared to others you're in a better position knowing your rent is paid.

Original poster
LidiaM · 20/12/2019 16:34

@TheMustressMhor
what do you mean ? why the hell would I lie ?
I wanted to post but the page wouldnt allowed me to and it said that the thread cant be post.
Do you really think I am here to beg for money ?

OP posts:
TheReluctantCountess · 20/12/2019 16:36

On a practical note, do you have anything you could sell? Bundles of outgrown baby clothes can get a few quid.

Clawdy · 20/12/2019 16:36

FestiveFavourites didn't you think there was something odd about that post?

Tetran · 20/12/2019 16:37

Don't worry about presents or a party for the birthday, they are 1, they won't remember, and you can get some lovely photos still so you have memories of the day. £200 after bills for 6 weeks is more than doable if you make meal plans. What nappies do you use? We didn't get on with Aldi (although they're super cheap) but find all of the other supermarket brands great; 84 for £2.99 which last a while. It is tricky, but please try not to worry too much, you shouldn't go hungry or baby without nappies, £33 a week doesn't sound much, but can buy plenty enough with that. Does baby eat what you eat for meals?

Original poster
LidiaM · 20/12/2019 16:37

@Lozz22 I am so sorry to hear theat, Me and my husband been trying for 5 years before I got pregnant with my rainbow baby and here she is with us.
Never stop believing !!!

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 20/12/2019 16:38

I didn't say that you were begging for money, @LidiaM

I simply pointed out that you had two threads going about this.

NoOneNeedsToKnowThis · 20/12/2019 16:38

On one of your recent threads you said your DH was told to expect a Christmas bonus - did he get one?
You also said you were given a £50 voucher from work for Christmas even though you’re on mat leave. How about selling that or using it if you’re short of cash?

MissLadyM · 20/12/2019 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bourbonbiccy · 20/12/2019 16:41

I do feel for you being so upset and depressed at Christmas, that's sad it happens to anyone.

Ok so you have 200 pounds to last 6 weeks for food. Batch cook and freeze, you can eat quite cheaply if you plan your meals and only buy what you need or what will make a meal.

Wrap up toys your child already has if you are worried about her not having anything to open. I understand that you want her to have the birthday and Christmas experience, but that can happen on zero budget. Wrap up existing things you own, the fun bit would be ripping off the wrapping paper, but at 1, she's probably not that interested,

Other family and friends will buy pressies.

I hope it turns out ok, no one deserves to be sad at Christmas.

I lost my mum and I'm still devastated and struggling, I know it doesn't help but it really is about the people around you and sharing the day and love,

Scarsthelot · 20/12/2019 16:42

If you get paid every 4 weeks and been paid early, that means he got 2 pay, 2 weeks apart?
Surely you knew all this was happening.

Is there a reason you didnt look at working earlier in the year?

TheMustressMhor · 20/12/2019 16:43

I realise that £200 for six weeks isn't much, but if all the bills are paid and you budget carefully you'll manage.

Most people get paid early because of Christmas.

I do understand that it's depressing and frightening not to have much money available.

Musicalstatues · 20/12/2019 16:45

If he’s been paid early then surely you’re not losing any money, you’ve just got it earlier?

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/12/2019 16:48

Yup..

No more work til probably feb now.

I've just found out I won't be getting around £300 I was banking on getting (gov payment from AtW) for a fuck up that was not my fault (they have admitted this... but cannot change it for at least a month if at all!)..

Theres 60 in the bank until january.

SO it's shit but you know, I won't die, theres food in the freezer theres a roof over my head, theres heating and lighting and nothing will be cut off.. it's just a bit poo that we can't do what we were going to do.

oldmum22 · 20/12/2019 16:54

Do you have any supermarket loyalty cards eg Nectar, Clubcard? You might find you have some money on there that can help with groceries . I feel for you , I really do .

11hairylegs · 20/12/2019 16:55

Been there, still am there to an extent.
At nearly one realistically they have no idea what day it is so don’t go overboard with presents. Maybe get one niceish one secondhand for around a tenner.
Then use the rest of the money to buy good nutritious food for you all (and obviously nappies). You can’t run on empty.
Do look to see if there’s benefits you’re entitled to, the cab can help. There are various charities that give presents to families struggling as well. I’m not sure how you find out about that as I used to get nominated by our social worker.
It’s a hard time of year for many for different reasons. I’m struggling financially and emotionally and I’m facing my first Christmas mostly alone.
Look after yourself.

gamerchick · 20/12/2019 16:55

If you were on maternity, does that mean you have a job to go back too OP? It might be time. 1 yr olds don't know what Christmas is and you can get inventive with food. You've been paid early so surely you had enough food and nappiesto last until your normal payday?

You have 200 after bills. You can do this. Plus you'll get your child benefit to top you up won't you?

TheReluctantCountess · 20/12/2019 16:56

There are so many charity events going on this year, on Christmas Day, for people who are struggling, lonely and the suchlike. You could go to one of those for Christmas Day lunch - many are also doing gifts, so your child could get something else to open too. Have a look on local FB pages for details.

Doggybiccys · 20/12/2019 16:58

What’s a rainbow baby? Genuine question.

rebecca102 · 20/12/2019 16:59

Oh don't worry about your 1 year old and presents. I spent more money than I should have last Xmas and she literally only played with two toys I got her. The one present is fine.

MrsFoxPlus4Again · 20/12/2019 17:00

@doggybiccys a rainbow baby is a baby born after loss.

MNHQ
RivkaMumsnet · 20/12/2019 17:00

Hi there,

This is just our usual reminder that we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been around. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask everyone to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are - and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong.

However, we have no reason to believe the OP isn't genuine - if we did, we would have deleted the thread, so please, no troll hunting.

Best of luck OP - this time of year is really hard for so many people, for so many reasons; please know you are not alone.

Chloemol · 20/12/2019 17:01

You have had all year to put a tiny bit away each month to cover Christmas and birthdays, that’s what I do. The baby’s one, she won’t know so it won’t matter

You can find a job in the new year, and the bills are at least paid for.

And i don’t understand why, if he gets paid every four weeks you have to wait six now, that doesn’t make sense

Finally, and I know MN hates this, but you chose the have the child, you should have planned finances accordingly

MrsFoxPlus4Again · 20/12/2019 17:01

Anyways, £200 should be enough for 6 weeks if you can budge & meal plan. 1 year olds don’t need all the fancy birthday party stuff so don’t stress over that. If you have anything to can sell do that also. Old clothes, old baby bits. Some people are greatful for second hand items at a reduced price

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