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Boyfriend going on holiday with another woman

163 replies

ThePriceOfSugar · 20/12/2019 02:46

I've been with my boyfriend 10 months. Everything has been fine up to now.

He asked if I wanted to go on holiday with him to a rural part of the country for hiking and sightseeing. I grew up there, have done the hiking exhaustively, and have no desire or extra money to go. I declined. He said he would go with a friend. He has 3 good male friends and lots of colleagues. I said fine.

That was a month ago. Today he mentioned that he has arranged an itinerary and booked leave to go with a "colleague" (who lives in a different country) who will be over here when he wants to go. This colleague is a woman he's met once before while he was at a conference overseas. They met in a club after hours. His friends joked with him that she was really into him. She invited him to present at her workplace in October, which he did. I thought nothing of it.

I'm shocked and angry that he booked the holiday with her. It's just the two of them, multiple overnight stays. He says she is just a colleague and he has done nothing wrong since I declined the trip and said he can go "with anyone". Obviously I didn't mean this arrangement. He claims he has "no one else" to ask and wants to share costs.

The hypocrisy of it hits me hard too because he always assumes all my male friends and colleagues want to have sex with me.

Am I being unreasonable? Isn't it normal to have this kind of boundary in a relationship?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

ElfAndSafeKey · 20/12/2019 03:07

Since he's only met her once, and given the background, I don't think you are BU.
Shortly after I got with my partner, he went on a prearranged holiday with his (female) best friend. the BF has known him since they were 10, and it's a completely platonic relationship... but still weirded me out. (I've since come to know the friend, and 100% believe it is a genuine friendship and nothing more!)


ElfAndSafeKey · 20/12/2019 03:09

Hit post too soon! I meant to say, that, depending on the context, it can be OK to go away with opposite sex friends.
But obviously you are not OK with it in this situation.


bananahood · 20/12/2019 03:12

YANBU. Sounds like he is trying to punish you for saying no. I can't imagine why she's agreed to go, totally bizarre set up.


KatherineJaneway · 20/12/2019 03:32

So they are sharing a room? Not sure otherwise how taking her along cuts costs but I don't go on hiking holidays so maybe I am missing something.


outherealone · 20/12/2019 03:37

Yanbu! Ten months? Fuck it off


Aridane · 20/12/2019 04:04



HannaYeah · 20/12/2019 04:25

I’d be done with this guy.


nowaypose · 20/12/2019 04:27

YANBU at all. If it were a long term close friend then it wouldn’t be so bad but someone he’s only met once who is apparently into him? No, definitely not. I’d sack him off.


nowaypose · 20/12/2019 04:28

Why did he even ask her of all people? It’s such a strange thing to do, he doesn’t even know her.


Aquamarine1029 · 20/12/2019 04:28

He's not serious about you. Cut your loses and bin him off.


GiveHerHellFromUs · 20/12/2019 04:29

Nope YANBU. He said he was going with his mates now he's going with a virtual stranger to 'share costs'? She just happens to be in the same country when he wants to go? The only costs you share are surely travel and accommodation?


RLOU30 · 20/12/2019 04:35



kateandme · 20/12/2019 04:42


ThePriceOfSugar · 20/12/2019 04:56

Thanks for your support everyone. I'm pretty shocked and angry about this and it's very out of character for him (or so I thought). I'm now starting to wonder what happened when he went to her country to "give a seminar" last month. He was there for 2 weeks, ostensibly holidaying on his own.

Hope I haven't been played for a fool.

OP posts:

RonaldMcDonald · 20/12/2019 05:04

He’s not that into you - just watched this again and the advice is great

You will do better on your own x


Jojo19834 · 20/12/2019 05:08

As you point out, it’s also hypocritical as he wouldn’t accept the same in return so he really should see the problem


sall74 · 20/12/2019 05:08

I find it odd that he wants to go on a holiday with someone he barely knows regardless of whether they're opposite sex or not.


ukgift2016 · 20/12/2019 05:09

I'm now starting to wonder what happened when he went to her country to "give a seminar" last month. He was there for 2 weeks, ostensibly holidaying on his own.

Um yeah, that was your red flag there. Let this one go, he is a cheat.


Rottnest · 20/12/2019 05:12

It certainly sounds like you are not important to him. Forget him, concentrate on your own interests and hobbies, and look for someone new.


Skidzer · 20/12/2019 05:51

He will be fucking her. Sorry to be crude. Up to you whether you believe that or not and what you do about it.


ChristmasSweet · 20/12/2019 06:00

No it's not OK that he is doing this.

I'd ask him how he would feel if you went away on holiday with another man, just the two of you. He no doubt wouldn't like it. If he then continues this holiday, he is trying to either punish you or make you jealous. Dump him at that point. He's not worth it and he has big issues that will only get worse.


Aridane · 20/12/2019 06:02

+He’s not that into you *

I think it may be a little worse than that


StealthPussy · 20/12/2019 06:13

Yes it’s a red flag

And so is is this....
“he always assumes all my male friends and colleagues want to have sex with me.”

But you’ve not arranged to holiday with your male friends.

He’s either doing it to cheat or to punish you. Both are abusive.


PurpleFlower1983 · 20/12/2019 06:17

After 10 months OP honestly I would dump him. It’s not worth the hassle surely?


AmayaBuzzbee · 20/12/2019 06:33

Agree with everybody else. You would be a fool wasting anymore of your time/life with this cheater. Dump and move on, and find somebody who has respect for you.

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