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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend going on holiday with another woman

163 replies

ThePriceOfSugar · 20/12/2019 02:46

I've been with my boyfriend 10 months. Everything has been fine up to now.

He asked if I wanted to go on holiday with him to a rural part of the country for hiking and sightseeing. I grew up there, have done the hiking exhaustively, and have no desire or extra money to go. I declined. He said he would go with a friend. He has 3 good male friends and lots of colleagues. I said fine.

That was a month ago. Today he mentioned that he has arranged an itinerary and booked leave to go with a "colleague" (who lives in a different country) who will be over here when he wants to go. This colleague is a woman he's met once before while he was at a conference overseas. They met in a club after hours. His friends joked with him that she was really into him. She invited him to present at her workplace in October, which he did. I thought nothing of it.

I'm shocked and angry that he booked the holiday with her. It's just the two of them, multiple overnight stays. He says she is just a colleague and he has done nothing wrong since I declined the trip and said he can go "with anyone". Obviously I didn't mean this arrangement. He claims he has "no one else" to ask and wants to share costs.

The hypocrisy of it hits me hard too because he always assumes all my male friends and colleagues want to have sex with me.

Am I being unreasonable? Isn't it normal to have this kind of boundary in a relationship?

OP posts:
katewhinesalot · 20/12/2019 06:35

So they are supposed to be platonically sharing a room. And she's into him...
Yeah right.

Fizzysours · 20/12/2019 06:44

Another one on 'team dump him'. You are not being jealous. He is pursing / in a relationship with her. He wants two women on the go. Don't be one of them.

Womenwotlunch · 20/12/2019 06:46

Cut your losses now Op.
I don’t want you back here in one year telling us what a tosser this man is. He has shown you that he really isn’t into you. It’s only been ten months
Get rid

TheStuffedPenguin · 20/12/2019 06:49

A reasonable man would understand why this would create uncertainty in you . He's obviously not bothered about that . Time to move on I think,

OverByYer · 20/12/2019 06:49

If it was a lifelong female friend maybe. But a woman he’s just met? No way.
Kick him in to touch

theLadyofShallnot · 20/12/2019 06:52

It really sounds as though he isn’t that into you but has been into in her.

I also suspect that he hasn’t been entirely honest to her about his relationship with you either.

Not a keeper.

TreeSwayer · 20/12/2019 06:56

Very interestingly, a person posted on the relationships board about this statement

he always assumes all my male friends and colleagues want to have sex with me

and they said when a man behaves in this way it is possibly because every woman they meet they think of sleeping with her, therefore he thinks every man who interacts with you will be thinking the same thing. Really made me think about that.

I would not be happy with them as a pair going on holiday together, especially when his friends have indicated that she has feelings for him. Maybe you can trust him but it doesn't look good that chose her and knows it would make you uncomfortable.

LatentPhase · 20/12/2019 06:59

Haha! No. Red flags galore here.

Bye bye to him. Don’t look back.

Dontdisturbmenow · 20/12/2019 07:03

In the end, if something happens then, it means that your relationship is not strong enough and it would have happened anyway, in another most likely more secretive way.

A 10 months relationship is still very fragile, so this is really a make or break situation. You need to accept that you said you didn't want to do (which he might have taken offence to as he might have thought you'd be excited to show him the place you are familiar with), and he is free to go with a friend.

The issue is whether he is faithful or not, and again, if there is interest between the two of them, they would have found another occasion to do something, likely another conference. In that case, the earlier it happens, the quicker you are shot of him.

Equanimitas · 20/12/2019 07:04

So, since October, he's had a two week holiday near her and is now going on this hiking trip with her. It doesn't look good, does it?

Costacoffeeplease · 20/12/2019 07:04

I’d have binned him just for assuming all males you come into contact with want to have sex with you. Then the holiday think wouldn’t even be an issue cos he’d be gone. What a creep

ColaFreezePop · 20/12/2019 07:07

Dump.

He accuses you of cheating with old friends and colleagues but is going on holiday with a recently made female acquaintance.

HideYourBabiesAndYourBeadwork · 20/12/2019 07:07

I was about to give him the benefit of the doubt until this: The hypocrisy of it hits me hard too because he always assumes all my male friends and colleagues want to have sex with me. And it made me think that basically he’s a game playing prick. Maybe.

QueenOfTheFae · 20/12/2019 07:11

Until you said The hypocrisy of it hits me hard too because he always assumes all my male friends and colleagues want to have sex with me. I was a bit,... but after that, no way jose

Kit19 · 20/12/2019 07:13

Hell no and I say this as someone whose DH went on a two week holiday with his female best friend to America. Difference was he’d known her & her family for years and I knew her too.

This is entirely different - somone he’s met (so he says) just once or twice & now he’s going on holiday with her & she’s into him? No way!

It’s so unreasonable that I’m wondering if he’s trying to engineer the classic bloke reverse dump where he behaves so badly you get rid and then he can paint you as the bad guy while he swans off with holiday girl

AllYouGoodGoodPeople · 20/12/2019 07:14

Well it's not so much him going on holiday with his work colleague as him going on his second holiday this year with his new girlfriend that he met in a club .... but given he's a lying, jealous man it shouldn't be much of a loss to you.

Loveislandaddict · 20/12/2019 07:19

He’s going on a holiday with someone he has met once!

It

It’s true he can go ‘with anyone’. However, ask him how he would feel if you went away for a weekend with a lad you’ve only met once.

MsPepperPotts · 20/12/2019 07:26

Wow some people are just selfish, cheating idiots and think their partners will believe this type of BS.
He's taking his OW on holiday and taking you for a right mug.
I hope you don't live together because it makes it so much easier to dump his lying arse.

Palaver1 · 20/12/2019 07:27

You are unreasonable to even think this might be reasonable.
Get rid of this man thank your stars that this has come up now and not in years to come

Equanimitas · 20/12/2019 07:29

He’s going on a holiday with someone he has met once!

I suspect he's met her way more than once. There was the original conference, then there was the seminar at her workplace when he stayed in the country in question for a two week holiday ostensibly on his own. It's looking rather likely that he spent time with her during that fortnight.

Vulpine · 20/12/2019 07:30

Im not sure you're that into him either if you declined the chance of a few days away with him

helpmum2003 · 20/12/2019 07:30

Bin him. So sorry.

Gardai · 20/12/2019 07:35

I think you should have finished with him already OP.

teentree · 20/12/2019 07:36

I would end it. He is testing the waters here and obviously willing to break up, but putting it on to you to end it. If you don't end it you will be giving him a green light to treat you like a doormat.

Radardodgingninga · 20/12/2019 07:38

As other people have said he’s clearly not that into you and to be fair you are clearly not that into him if you declined the holiday because you know the area well. Holidays aren’t just for getting to see new places, they are about spending time with loved ones. If my eventual DH had turned down a holiday with me on those grounds I’d have been hurt. If you aren’t mad keen to spend as much time as possible together in this very early phase of your relationship It doesn’t sound like a long term thing to me.

That aside, its fair enough for people to holiday with opposite sex friends but it’s not OK for him to have a double standard about them. That alone would be a deal breaker for me.