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AIBU?

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Original poster

PTA Mum acting entitled at school nativity

204 replies

nutcrackered · 19/12/2019 23:33

I've been thinking about this and wondered if AIBU for thinking pta mum is a cf or if she is.

Wednesday morning was my child's first nativity (reception age). It was in the school hall. Ticketed and people had been queuing outside in the bitter cold for a really long time before it started. The school didn't let anybody in until the minute it said on the ticket.

Nativity started at 9.15 which is when people went inside. People were queuing so I'm told from about 8.10am. By 8.25 there was quite a bit of a que already. One of the other mums who I have seen organising a lot of pta things arrived at about 8.30 with her husband and walked right past everybody else in the que and went inside. When we all went in they were sat on the front row and looked like they had been for some time, I don't know what makes them so special that they don't have to wait like the other parents,
AIBU to think this is so rude and entitled?

OP posts:
churchandstate · 20/12/2019 08:13

If PTA mum helped set up the nativity, organised ticket sales, costumes etc., then it’s totally reasonable that she gets a front row seat, isn’t it?

lanbro · 20/12/2019 08:15

There was a huge queue for our harvest festival...I really needed the loo and had food to drop in so pushed through. When I'd done what I needed to do it would have been crazy to push back through and ne even further down the queue so I just stood at the front, studiously ignoring everyone. I got the best seat at the harvest festival and I'm sure everyone thought I was a cheeky fucker but hey ho!

My2ndfavouriteFword · 20/12/2019 08:21

So there's a lot of PTA people commenting on this thread then....

BacktoMA · 20/12/2019 08:29

I've often thought at our school a nice way of rewarding PTA and governors would be reserved seats, we have trouble with PTA retention (I'm not on it btw so not saying it for myself!)

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 20/12/2019 08:42

I'm on the committee for ds's preschool. At their Nativity the front two rows were compromised of the committee because we had to be there early to help with the organisation. The committee is open to all, people don't even have to make all meetings as we have an online group to discuss/organisation things as well.

She would never in a million years waltz past a queue of people who had been waiting in the cold for an hour and claim front row seats.

That's not what the woman did though is it. We don't know what she was doing for the 45 minutes between her arrival and the rest of the queue entering the building. If it was like ours, she might have been putting chairs out, setting out the raffle prizes she'd helped gather from local businesses, organising refreshments including a lot of home baking done by the committee and wrangling kids into their costumes.

Spinderellacutituponetime · 20/12/2019 08:45

I had to push past the queue at our nativity to help help sell raffle tickets. A few people looked very disgruntled. As it happens I ended up standing at the back as by the time I was finished the Hall was packed and no seats. I am on the pta, I work F/T and I do lots of stuff for the local community. I find those that do more, do more. I wasn’t annoyed that I hadn’t got a reserved seat or was able to sit at the front but now I think about it that would be nice form of compensation for me giving up my time.

Needtochangemymindset · 20/12/2019 08:48

OP - Keep this thread and in a couple of years read it again!

Queuing for an hour to get in to a ticketed Reception year nativity play really is quite ridiculous and I say this as a mum of three very young children.

If you are upset about this you are in for a long ride of pain! School gate mums, PTA - step back and see it all for what it is!

JoyceJames · 20/12/2019 08:49

I wasn't on the PTA but I wouldn't begrudge that kind of privilege to those who give up their time, when I don't.

HoppingPavlova · 20/12/2019 09:00

I used to get a front row seat at my kids primary school for concerts. I held a key position in the PTA, had a job with incredibly long and antisocial hours that I made every effort to rearrange around PTA work which took up many many hours per week.

So, in the OP’s example there was every chance I would have been there helping to set up from 5.30am, having already devoted numerous hours behind the scenes prior to that. I would have then ducked out to go home to collect kids (allowing them to sleep to normal time and DH to organise breakfast, get them ready etc), then we would return altogether. I would drop kids at muster point, and yes would have bypassed a long queue to go sit in my seat in the front row. To go even further, someone would put cones in a spot in the teachers carpark for me so I didn’t come back, be unable to park and have to park ages away and walk a few km with the kids. I think this is fair and it doesn’t breach the spirit of ‘volunteer’.

OP, there are two words to describe whingers like you.

weebarra · 20/12/2019 09:02

Somebody said upthread that if you want something done ask a busy person!
Our PTA all work, as well as having several children. We work really hard to raise money for the school but it's hard to get people to help.
Other parents complain for example, that we don't have a Halloween disco after school but no one volunteers to help.
The DCs of PTA parents didn't really get to enjoy the Christmas fair because their mums and dads were all helping out at stalls and there weren't extra helpers to give them a break.
People don't do these things for the perk of a seat at the nativity!

Ellybellyboo · 20/12/2019 09:10

I used to be on the PTA when my children were in primary school

We would help set up chairs, sort out tea/coffee/mince pies/etc before the nativity play so always went in early

I never sat on the front row - it just wasn’t worth the ridiculous shit storm that would always kick off from a certain group of parents who would never help but were very vocal in their criticisms

Doyoumind · 20/12/2019 09:13

I hope there isn't a perception our PTA members get preferential treatment. We don't. We do give up a lot of our time though whilst most can't be bothered.

Nat6999 · 20/12/2019 09:19

When ds was in primary school, alpha mums used to practically lay across the front row to prevent other parents from sitting there. I'm so glad he is in secondary school now so I don't have to put up with all that shit.

ThePlantsitter · 20/12/2019 09:25

I don't know why the PTA people are more worthy if they work. Doing PTA work is unpaid either way and more irritating, politicky (due to people who can't be arsed to volunteer moaning) and thankless than any paid job I've ever done! Those of you who think the nativity play is just a distraction from work... Don't bother them and let someone else have your seat!

JustASmallTownCurl · 20/12/2019 09:33

I wasn't on the PTA but I wouldn't begrudge that kind of privilege to those who give up their time, when I don't.

This. I don't even have kids yet and I can understand it.

Emmapeeler1 · 20/12/2019 09:54

No reserved seating at our school. And no hour-long queues! I wouldn’t begrudge the PTA a reserved seat though. They put in hours of their free time.

MrsBricks · 20/12/2019 09:59

Volunteers get some perks!

showmewhatyougot · 20/12/2019 10:03

A lot of salty Sally's this week Crown Biscuit

MsMellivora · 20/12/2019 10:25

I worked long hours so didn’t officially join the PTA but my mate was on it. I did help at a few fetes and school discos. She however spent a lot of time doing stuff, I would never begrudge a perk like front row seats.

CombineBananaFister · 20/12/2019 10:41

YABU - as others have said, if it was anything like our PTA, she probably went in early to wrangle x 30 little ones into costumes and calm teary, nervous, overwhelmed 6 year olds so you got a decent performance. Sometimes this is a quick process and you can get back to the hall in reasonable time, quite often it's unpredictable and takes longer and you end up with no seat despite being there helping 3hours before any queue starts to form.
Did PTA for a year, raised money for defibrillators, phonics dictionaries and chrome books. You're either hated by parents or at least most are suspicious of your motives and are constantly critiqued. If anything, it puts your child at a disadvantage most of the time because you're too busy helping to enjoy events and teachers are wary of picking your child for key roles, competition wins etc as it inevitabley seen as favouritism. (A teacher actually said this)
Let her have the bloody seat.

Appletreehouse · 20/12/2019 10:55

I think it's fair if they're PTA to get a reserved seat, so long as they did something for the particular event itself.

My DD is in reception and I've already been amazed but resigned to people pushing in, someone literally waved to a friend at the front of the nativity queue then pushed past the whole queue and got a front row seat. I was also bemused to see a parent at the phonics education night save 6 seats all across the front row for her friends, only for hardly anyone else to turn up and the rest of us have our pick of seats. Now I know what to expect I won't be so surprised and will rise above it all. . .

notfromstepford · 20/12/2019 11:27

I also think YABU. PTA spend their time for free on a lot of things. Surely this is one of the perks? I'm not on the PTA, but think it's only fair to be honest.

Quinceandmedlarsrule · 20/12/2019 11:32

When we were on the PTA one of the (few) perks was a front row reserved seat for school plays. It was a nice touch for all the free hours we willingly gave to raise extra funds for the school.

FlamingoAndJohn · 20/12/2019 11:45

While all these people were in the queue at 8.10, where were their children?

Concestor · 20/12/2019 11:46

I'm on the PTA. At our nativity I was there an hour early to organise refreshments which I then was selling up to 5 mins before the performance.
I bagged a front row seat with my coat as soon as I got there. Why not? It's a perk of helping out.

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