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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boyfriend cheating.. just found out..

871 replies

Beebeezed · 18/12/2019 21:19

Omg, I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend has gone out on a work do. I kept hearing a pinging coming from his office so I went in to mute whatever device it was and it was his iPad. Went to mute it and saw the message ‘can’t wait babe’ on the home screen. Obviously I opened it and have now found hundreds of messages between him and another girl. No idea who she is. Haven’t even looked into that yet. Just read the messages. He says he loves her. I have an 8 month old baby I feel sick please what shall I do from here? He’s just text me saying he misses me and I can see on the iPad he’s text her saying he misses her

OP posts:

Batshitcrazy82 · 18/12/2019 21:46

Hope your ok op 💐 I would definitely text back on the ipad so they know you know!

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 18/12/2019 21:47

This is awful OP I’m so sorry. Been on the wrong end of this myself (although thankfully no kids involved). I know you’ve got the added complication of the baby but I refused to stand for this- how dare he. And the texting you both the same thing makes me think he sees this all as so routine and mundane. Text back my partner at home with the baby, text my mistress back, return the message from my mate Bob.... no one should take something this serious so lightly.

Chuck his stuff into the front garden, deadbolt the door. You’re better off without a toerag like that.

Original poster

Beebeezed · 18/12/2019 21:48

I’m taking photos of everything. They’ve clearly met up. There’s texts like ‘I’m outside’ ‘up the road a bit’ etc

OP posts:

Bunnyfuller · 18/12/2019 21:48

Agree, take your baby to your mums for the night.

Hugs xxx

NomNomNomNom · 18/12/2019 21:48

Definitely take a photo of the messages on your phone. Call a trusted friend or family member to come round and be with you if you can. I wouldn't text him now while you're in shock.

nespressowoo · 18/12/2019 21:48

Take pictures so if he deletes them you still have proof, I'd even send them to him. Take your baby and go to your mum's. What a fucking bastard.

Original poster

Beebeezed · 18/12/2019 21:49

I’m reading everything you’re all saying and taking it all on board thank you, I’m sorry I’m just interjecting with random information

OP posts:

ButtonMoonLoon · 18/12/2019 21:49

Screenshot everything that you can.
Make sure you have any documents you need, mortgage, rent, passports, birth certificates, everything.
This would have to be the end for me.

I’m so sorry. Asking your Mum to come round was a good idea, I’m glad you’ll have her with you soon x

Aquamarine1029 · 18/12/2019 21:49

I would be sending screen shots of his texts to him, without question. I would also be telling him not to bother coming home. Clearly, he has another bed he can sleep in. The rotten fucking bastard.

user1486131602 · 18/12/2019 21:50

Not easy! I’m sorry!
I would honestly do as the others have said. Take screenshots for proof.
Before you do anything else wait to talk to him when he’s sober.

Go on the iPad, and send yourself their conversation so if it IS something you can see what he’s saying. Are you sure he’s cheating, could there be any other explanation! Perhaps look up the girl info, that might throw some more light on it.
I would honestly hope for the best, but prepare for the worst

mrsbyers · 18/12/2019 21:50

Is it 100% his account ? Just thinking could someone else have logged into the iPad ?

nespressowoo · 18/12/2019 21:51

Don't be sorry. You will be reeling. Take it easy, OP. I personally would tell your mum, she will know something is wrong. It's times like these you need your mum

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 18/12/2019 21:51

You got this. This is where you need to be strong for your baby. Cut him loose and enjoy the rest of your life. I know it’s easy to write. I’ve been there and after the shock, hurt and dismay life got better than ever. Take care.

ivykaty44 · 18/12/2019 21:51

Thing is if he comes home at midnight and can’t get in and bag on step ...he’s likely to cause a fuss and bang on door etc wake op wake baby and being yanked up - it’s not going to be pleasant

Better to avert such nasty ness for ops sake

Lipz · 18/12/2019 21:51

Tell him to do one. That you've seen all the other messages. Actually I'd screen shot them all and send them to him now.

Ginger1982 · 18/12/2019 21:51

Keep watching his phone and take pics.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 18/12/2019 21:52

Can you put her number in your phone under a random name and see if her pic is on WhatsApp? See if you know her at all?

CherryPlum · 18/12/2019 21:52

I don't see why you should have to spend the night away from home, stay where you are and tell him not to come home.

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 18/12/2019 21:52

I’m so sorry for what he has been doing to you op, you have afew options but you need to work out what is best for you and what you want to do now you have seen these messages, What would be best for you and your baby tonight is the best place to start think about everything else tomorrow, would it be best for you staying at home and asking a friend to stay over and ask him not to come home or do you want to speak to him tonight do you need to know more right now and want to confront him about it, Or would it be better for you to ask a family member/friend if you can stay at theirs tonight and ask them to come pick you up and you then pack afew things you and baby will need your in a lot of shock right now the hurt and anger will come and I would advise a close family/friend being there for you tonight

Junie70 · 18/12/2019 21:52

You're in shock, OP. Be kind to yourself.

The shame is his, by the way, never yours.

He's the one who's thrown a family away.

MissPepper8 · 18/12/2019 21:52

I think I changed my stance, I think this is more you need to stop his night and get him to come home. Not inform her, but take screenshot of her number incase.

It's late, he will be home soon I think he either comes home or you tell him to stop else where or he will be too drunk to deal with.

halfthesun · 18/12/2019 21:53

Hello, so sorry to read this. Good that mum is on her way ... you will need plenty of support. Sadly I have been in your position, found out when OW told me. MN was invaluable then and now.

FizzyGreenWater · 18/12/2019 21:54

YOU WILL BE OK.

Not right now but you will be.

I am so sorry. But you will realise very soon what a lucky escape you've had and won't want this cheating lying shit any more.

You've got a lovely family you can lean on by the sound of it.

If it were me, so close to Christmas, I'd pack my bags and the baby's - not his. Do it with your mum while he's out, and go back with your mum for a Christmas with the people who love you and your baby. And let him come 'home' to a cold empty house and enjoy a cold empty Christmas, as his bit on the side will no doubt have other plans.

81Byerley · 18/12/2019 21:54

I know what I'd do. I'd pack a bag, take the baby and go back to your Mum's, taking his iPad, and turning your mobile off. And I wouldn't leave a note.

Crazyoldmaurice · 18/12/2019 21:54

Never go back. He has cheated on both you and your baby, despicable. You and your little one deserve better. Get rid and never look back.

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