Boyfriend cheating.. just found out..

[Beebeezed]

Omg, I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend has gone out on a work do. I kept hearing a pinging coming from his office so I went in to mute whatever device it was and it was his iPad. Went to mute it and saw the message ‘can’t wait babe’ on the home screen. Obviously I opened it and have now found hundreds of messages between him and another girl. No idea who she is. Haven’t even looked into that yet. Just read the messages. He says he loves her. I have an 8 month old baby I feel sick please what shall I do from here? He’s just text me saying he misses me and I can see on the iPad he’s text her saying he misses her

Ah :( , if he's calling her I'd be so angry to text in the convo it's OK he can stay with you because I don't want him home with our 8 month old baby tonight.

Op please please call a family member to come sit with you xx even talk to your mum or a friend xx

I have people. I’m just so embarrassed because we’ve always been the happy ones. I’m going to call my mum. This is going to be huge, they love him and have done for 11 years

He's like a dog with two cocks. As pps say, take pics of the messages with your phone so you have proof. Take your time deciding what to do for now.

@bigbubbles
What on earth is wrong with you!?!?

@OP
I'm sorry; you must be in shock. Deep breath, I suggest not responding straight away. Whilst he is out read everything you can and try and figure out what you want to do.
My sincere sympathies.

Thank you all, I’ve scrolled the messages and this has been going on since November 2018, our son was born in April 2019. Nothing seems real now

Screen shot the messages and text them.tk him..tell him not to come home tonight as you need to think. Then contact someone IRL for some physical support. I'm sorry man.

Is there someone you want to be with you?

You've been together 11 years!!?? I'm so sorry- DO NOT feel embarrassed x phone Mum

Take a video of the messages on your phone so you can scroll through as you video.

Please call someone to come and sit with you. It doesn't matter how much your parents loved him, they will be on your side. You don't have to protect them from this.

Don’t feel embarrassed. You are not the one who should feel embarrassed. Call someone to come and be with you and help you figure out next steps.

Take down the number of the other girl because once he knows you lose your chance to choose.

Take pictures of messages on your phone

Text boyfriend back to say 'miss you too' while you think about your next steps

Find all important documents (passports, birth certificates, bank account details, finances, investments etc and either keep it makes copies.

Take a long breath and decide what you want to do next. I would recommend you do not confront him if he comes home drunk on alcohol. It's never wise or safe to row with a drunk person and it will do neither you or your baby any good. If it were me I would get through tonight and use tomorrow to decide what you want to do.

Sorry this is happening

From the messages does the other person know that he’s cheating?

I'm so sorry, this must be a huge shock.

I'm really sorry to hear this. Be true to yourself and what you feel you should do, but my advice would be not to do anything too rash. Take pictures of the messages, then try and look after yourself and give yourself time to process this. Only you know how you feel and unbelievably hurtful as it is I would give your boyfriend a chance to respond to you if you are at all interested in continuing the relationship. Relationships can survive infidelity where both partners are committed to it. Much best wishes being sent

Don't be embarrased. Te shame is his not yours.

Report your post and ask for it to be moved to Relationships. You'll get endless support and advice there from women who've been through this - and come out the other side.

I’m sorry if I’m rambling. I’ve been physically sick. My mums coming over but she doesn’t currently know why. I am dreading her face when I tell her she sees him as a second son. He’s still texting me mundane stuff about the restaurant, his colleagues etc all the while texting her seconds in between. How can someone be so deceiving

Just seen it's been going on for over a year. If it were me I'd call the other woman. Not to be abusive but just to get the truth and to tell her the truth too. Don't be abusive but definitely take control of your life. I would put money on her having been lied to as much as you.

Then pack his bags, put them outside in his car/garage/safe(ish) place and definitely call your mum.

I really like @shouldhavecalleditoatabix’s advice but would add that you might want to think about going to your mums tonight in case you’re unable to stay quiet/keep up pretence and he does come back very drunk. Texting back “miss you too” - as icky as it feels - will buy you time to calculate your next move.

Another Mumsnet handhold from me 💐You poor thing, I’m so so sorry this is happening. Definitely don’t feel embarassed, it’s not you it’s him. Play it cool but get your Mum over ASAP. You need her to be the voice of calm, and she’ll help you make decisions without panicking. Sending you very big hugs.

I'm so sorry.
You need to speak to him, I suggest you ring him and say he needs to come home right now.
Please speak to your family. Xx

@bigbubbles don’t be tiresome. “Girl” is a common colloquialism for a woman, and the OP clearly meant an adult as you well know.

OP photograph the texts, pack him a bag, put it on step, lock door and then text him a snap of his texts with a ?

Leave him to stew.

A girl-as in a child?

Don’t be deliberately obtuse. You know what she means.

I'm glad your mum's coming over OP.

As others have said

Take photographs of the messages using your own phone
Take photographs of her phone number

But don’t knee jerk into a reaction and talk to your mum

It’s not going to be any good talking to him with alcohol inside him

Can you let him know you’ve been vomiting and so you’re going to stay at your mums tonight? Take baby and get mum to look after you?

You poor thing. My ex did this to me. It was going on all throughout my pregnancy and I found out the same way.. he left his laptop open by accident. I would get all the lovely messages and so did she.

I reacted too quick. I was so angry!!! We had been together 12 years and 3 kids.

I agree with the others. Take pictures! Don't feel bad. This is him that has ruined everything. Not you!!? Idiot.

However, there is no going back. You will.mourn for what could have been and feel so angry that he has spoilt it. From experience it is impossible to forgive and move forward from it.

Good luck and be strong. You will flip when you see him. Hope your mum. I would personally tell.him to get his arse home now!!