Hi all,
Hope you’re all well.
Wednesday went well. I was so nervous beforehand, I kept practising what I was going to say. We met in a coffee shop as I thought this would make me less likely to cry, get angry etc.
I think he’s probably lost over a stone, considering he is a fairly slim guy anyway it really shows and he looks gaunt. His clothes weren’t ironed, he just looked a bit of a mess to be honest! It’s the first time in 11 years I’ve seen him and actually thought you’re not very good looking at all. I was noticing all of his ‘flaws’, the things I used to like now made me feel sick. He’s been signed off work for stress.
I bought my laptop and was extremely matter of fact about everything. It was like a business meeting. We discussed the house and got the ball rolling with that. Everything that is planned is fair and I’m happy with the agreement. He offered me more but I declined.
When discussing DS, it’s hard to take the emotion out. It didn’t feel like we were discussing our son, the son we had longed for for so many years. It just didn’t feel real, but there we were. The agreement with childcare is also fair and I think we’re both happy. It means that DS sees us both a good amount. His routine will be affected as little as possible at the moment. Obviously I know things will change once he starts school etc but at the moment it’s all fine. I’ve never had any concerns with regards to his parenting. I don’t worry at all when he’s with him, so I guess that’s something.
By the end, we were actually able to talk cordially. We even shared a couple of laughs! It was so awkward though, like a weird first date that neither of us wanted to be on. He keeps chasing the idea of getting back together but I hope I made it clear enough during this meeting that there is literally no chance at all.
So all was going well, we were finishing up (I said I had an appointment at a certain time to give me an excuse to leave). We were just talking about mundane things to do with the house and he said ‘if you want to keep the house you can, it’s DS’s home’ to which I said ‘I don’t want to step foot in that house again after you bought OW there’ to which he replied ‘I didn’t, I never would have bought her in to our sons home’
Liar.
I looked at him, smiled and showed him the message from OW. His face dropped when he saw it, I genuinely believe he had no idea she messaged me, or if he did he didn’t know the content. I just can’t believe after all this he’s still lying to me!! It’s making this whole thing so much easier though, it’s clear he’s a compulsive liar.
There are some whispers that have got back to me that he’s been spotted with OW in public, but you know what, I don’t care. If he’s still with her, more fool both of them! That relationship is built on so many lies I don’t know how either of them will ever be able to trust the other, but that’s not my problem!
As always, thank you for your support and for checking in on me. I’m doing just fine, DS is amazing, I’m loving this age he’s doing new things every day. I’ve got even closer to my family and friends and I get more help with DS than ever before. How lucky am I 😊