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Original poster

Boyfriend cheating.. just found out..

871 replies

Beebeezed · 18/12/2019 21:19

Omg, I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend has gone out on a work do. I kept hearing a pinging coming from his office so I went in to mute whatever device it was and it was his iPad. Went to mute it and saw the message ‘can’t wait babe’ on the home screen. Obviously I opened it and have now found hundreds of messages between him and another girl. No idea who she is. Haven’t even looked into that yet. Just read the messages. He says he loves her. I have an 8 month old baby I feel sick please what shall I do from here? He’s just text me saying he misses me and I can see on the iPad he’s text her saying he misses her

OP posts:
LinaDee · 30/12/2019 00:01

Just RTFT. Wow OP.
Msg from OW is very fishy. If she thought she loved him - why would she all of a sudden be over him just because you found out, especially after she had been in your house and knew that you and your son existed.
She’s just as bad as him.
You’re well shot of him and personally I don’t think meeting her will give you any closure, it will probably do the opposite.
If she is feeling genuinely guilty - it’s not your responsibility to help her with that.
You need to continue doing what you have been - being strong and looking forward for you and your DS.
Ignore, ignore, ignore and block!!!

Icecreambaby · 30/12/2019 00:29

OP, ignore her! There is nothing you can gain from this contact. Why give her more time and energy? Remember she continued with him even after she knew you exist.

sugarplumtum · 30/12/2019 00:33

Op she's being a bitch!!! June? She new from June and then shares that she's in your home and the goes on about her and her baby lol.
I'm guessing her bloke left her for someone else too.
Don't you dare respond, I can't believe she has the cheek to play victim and act as if it's because you have a baby - which it isn't at all.
Carry on being strong Thanks

MsDogLady · 30/12/2019 01:16

I would ignore this disingenuous and manipulative message.

He took OW to your sacred space...your home, your baby’s home. He is the lowest of the low and so is she.

Sweetpeach3 · 30/12/2019 01:30

Ignore her and just keep your chin up high and get on with your life and your DS

She's clearly a c and a bitch but from that text she's only trying to make herself feel better for what she did to you as she knew all along what she was doing was utterly wrong and nasty GIRL CODE!!!!!!

Your clearly the bigger and better person op
Your truely amazing for how you've delt with it all of this. So go be more dignified and just get on with life, she's just a slimey bitch and their probably still talking for her to text you.... x

CharlottesPleb · 30/12/2019 01:46

"Swear on my families life"

This is something that is only ever said by utter scum, and only when they are lying.

She must be very stupid and dishonest as well as a moral void. Do not engage, do not become embroiled.

MissMoan · 30/12/2019 02:08

Aww OP, so sorry to hear all this.
It sounds like the OW is looking to clear her conscience, her motives for meeting seem self-serving so it may not be of any benefit to you to indulge her.

I wish you all the best for the future, and at least you have found out about the ex now rather than waste any more time on him.

Best wishes to you x

Original poster
Beebeezed · 30/12/2019 04:47

Thank you all so much. I’m not going to reply, I’ve blocked her.
3 weeks ago?! That’s a lie as I know they were still messaging lovey dovey stuff on the 18th. So the rest of her apology is now invalid as she isn’t being truthful.
It’s sooo obvious when you walk in that house that a baby lived there. He could have ensured she didn’t go in to certain rooms but as soon as you walk in there’s scan photos to your right on the pin board. I highly doubt he took everything down and hidden stuff, I would have noticed when I got back that things had moved around. Also if she has a child she’d have noticed little things like Muslins and wipes and bepanthen dotted around, I don’t buy it.
Also, I remember I changed the bedding before I went to a wedding in June that he didn’t attend due to ‘work’ (this is the only time I can think of that it could have happened, I had a 3 month old I wasn’t going out much). I would have found it weird if the bedding had been changed again, plus he never changes it unless I ask. So assuming they had sex in our bed, I slept in those sheets :(

Eurgh I hate him even more now. How dare he give her my number. How dare she lie when she’s supposed to be apologising. The fact she has a child makes me wonder if they were playing happy families but I can’t assume things, it’s just making things worse. He told me the reason it started was because we were having a baby and he was scared but she has a child too so it cant have been that carefree and wild? God I’m torturing myself thinking of this, she’s blocked he’s blocked. Thank god I found out!!

Thank you all again honestly you’re getting me through this xx

OP posts:
Kristallen · 30/12/2019 05:13

I'm glad you blocked her! She seems to think you have similar experiences! FFS!

I think my mind would be going exactly where yours is - it's natural when you find out he had her over at yours.

There is not going to be one single piece of information that he, her or any mate of his gives you that's going to make the situation better. Not one. Are there other people he might get to contact you that you can preemptively block?

Has your mum seen the text? Or a friend? Do let them.

Sorry to bring it up, but have you thought of STD testing?

Greenkit · 30/12/2019 08:26

I agree with every one who said she is fishing and not to contact her.

Keep bloody strong xxx

LinaDee · 30/12/2019 08:39

@Kristallen I think OP has mentioned that she kept busy in the initial days and getting a sexual health check was one of the things she did.
@Beebeezed stay strong, You seem like an incredible person - you will get through this x

Whiskers14 · 30/12/2019 08:39

She's only reached out so she can tell her friends and family that she's a lovely person who apologised and make out you're the unreasonable one for not replying. She's not worth wasting any further brain power over and nor is your ex, because giving the OW your number to text you out of the blue is cruel beyond words. Thank god you're so much stronger and wiser than both of them, OP!

vivapuff · 30/12/2019 09:58

Well done, OP! I think you are right that she is not being truthful. She had to have known about you and the baby much longer than she let's on (if she first came over in June, what was his excuse for never having her over before that??) and she would be way more upset if she had really just found out she was also being lied to this whole time.

She was looking to be able to say 'I had coffee with his ex and she's fine with us, was planning to leave him anyway, etc' so they can take their relationship public. Good job denying them that.

You can get back to focusing on what matters most -- building a new life for you and your baby

Pumpkinpie1 · 30/12/2019 10:05

I think you are absolutely right to block and not see her why give them any satisfaction
I wouldn’t hide what they’ve done in trying to contact you from those closest to you
You need all the support you can
I am in awe of how you’ve dealt with this

Taddda · 30/12/2019 10:09

Well at least she's sticking to the homewreckers handbook! I posted early doors OP she'd have to answer to her friends and family the 'you've been having an affair with a man who's just had a baby with his partner of 11 years!?'....she's looking for you to give her a pass- dont give her an inch!

She's also thrown an added 'Bitch Bonus' in there by stating she's been in your home (further pissing on your territory? Yeah, she seems lovely!)- She's desperately trying to claim the higher ground here, you own that spot OP, dont let her anywhere near it!

(Your doing so well btw Flowers)

SandyY2K · 30/12/2019 11:38

I would not respond and simply block her number.

I'd also let your Ex know that his bit on the side contacted you.

Taddda · 30/12/2019 11:44

@SandyY2K I agree- I would let him know she's trying to make contact with you, you want nothing to do with whatever's going on with them - (I'd possibly let a family member do this for you to keep your distance from it?)

Geschwister4 · 30/12/2019 11:52

How did she get your number? He must have given it to her, so he knows she has contacted you. That is beyond cruel, her contacting you and dropping in that she has been in your house- what kind of person does that, as if shagging your husband wasn't enough! They are both as bad as each other, ignore them both!

OpportunityKnocks · 30/12/2019 12:05

Well done OP. You are amazing. I hope you are doing ok? You sound so strong and it's wonderful that you have such a lovely family around you.

Blocking her is the best thing for you. She's nothing to you and your energy is better placed elsewhere. No reason at all to give a crap about her wants or needs. She had all the opportunities to walk away and chose not to. Her closure is her problem.

letsdolunch321 · 30/12/2019 12:06

@bee this vile slag who has been with your ex does not deserve anything from you.

She is a vile piece of shit that doesn't deserve any happiness.

You have done the right thing in blocking her. Karma will do its thing.

Chin up sweetie 💐

OldEvilOwl · 30/12/2019 12:34

Well done for blocking OP. I'm afraid I probably wouldn't have been so restrained. You are stronger than you think

Beelzebop · 30/12/2019 12:39

I hope you have left. I'm not able to read all the posts. If you haven't please do, I'm so glad your Mum is there to support you.

Geppili · 30/12/2019 13:52

People who swear on their familie's lives are always lying! God, op, I cannot believe that message! You have done so well to block. These people are not worthy of your precious emotional energy. You are being so strong and dignified. X

paulinespeaksmanylanguages · 30/12/2019 14:07

We were playing-over the last of the Christmas Cake- a game of name your hero.

I hope you don't mind, OP, but I recounted your story as you are a hero! Everyone agreed and there was even a tear in the eye of my crusty old dad.

Amazing story.

Taddda · 30/12/2019 14:49

I'm not sure he's given her your number, I reckon she's crafty enough to have had his phone at some point and taken it down herself- she's known all along, so she's also been aware that you were going to find out at some point, she'd have been expecting you to react at her- which you bravely haven't at all- it takes some immense strength not to you know!

I'd have jumped all over that text, and regretted it immediately!

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