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Original poster

Boyfriend cheating.. just found out..

871 replies

Beebeezed · 18/12/2019 21:19

Omg, I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend has gone out on a work do. I kept hearing a pinging coming from his office so I went in to mute whatever device it was and it was his iPad. Went to mute it and saw the message ‘can’t wait babe’ on the home screen. Obviously I opened it and have now found hundreds of messages between him and another girl. No idea who she is. Haven’t even looked into that yet. Just read the messages. He says he loves her. I have an 8 month old baby I feel sick please what shall I do from here? He’s just text me saying he misses me and I can see on the iPad he’s text her saying he misses her

OP posts:
Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 29/12/2019 21:34

Been thinking of you OP.
You are so brave. Was sad to read your message telling us you're not strong because OMG you so are!
As for comparing yourself to the OW. To start with she's likely put some filtered good pic on her whatsapp, but more importantly, look how she's acted. She's knowingly stayed in a relationship with a man she knew was unavailable. That's no pretty blonde, that's a horrible woman. There's no comparison; you're a strong, dignified, calm and intelligent woman, she's a home wrecker who even now is still selfishly putting her needs for closure first. You're worth 100 of her! Your silly ex, I know already he will never find anyone like you, you'll be the one who got away and I expect he will regret this forever.

Don't ever doubt how fucking amazing you are!

MadeForThis · 29/12/2019 21:36

I wouldn't believe her. Even if it is totally true she's trying to make herself feel better. She was happy to cheat.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 29/12/2019 21:49

Absolutely agree she is 100% trying to make herself feel better, she did not message you out of the goodness of her heart. Ignore and keep your head held high, you're amazing OP

Cherrysoup · 29/12/2019 21:50

I call bullshit. Don’t dignify her with a reply. She was at your house?! What was he thinking? Surely there were clear signs that there was a baby living there?

Alicia870 · 29/12/2019 22:00

I can't believe she had the cheek to say to you 'we both deserve closure'. As though she is the one who has been wronged? Shows a complete lack of insight.
Any pain she feels is only due to her own selfish actions. It takes 2 and she made her bed. I honestly think that responding to her and meeting with her will hurt you even more - she sounds like a self obsessed princess

Alicia870 · 29/12/2019 22:02

Also, she loved him until 3 weeks ago when she found out about your baby but wasn't she messaging him on the night you found out which is less than 3 weeks ago? Does she know about that iPad stuff?

TigerComesBack · 29/12/2019 22:10

Also, she loved him until 3 weeks ago when she found out about your baby but wasn't she messaging him on the night you found out which is less than 3 weeks ago? Does she know about that iPad stuff?

^This.

This is them together messaging you.

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 29/12/2019 22:12

Wow, just wow, she's got some cheek. And complete disregard for your feelings. And for bounderies well she proved that carrying on with a taken man, how the hell did she get your number!

She found out about you in June and carried on, too right she's a cunt!!! I wouldn't believe for one minute she only found out about your gorgeous baby 3 weeks ago.
I wouldn't bother responding, she deserves nothing from you.

Indie139 · 29/12/2019 22:16

Id say ignore or give her a piece of your mind (esp as shes been in your house and continued with him) and then id block!!

Either way though i def wouldnt be meeting up! You're not friends and she doesnt deserve your time. Meeting prob wont benefit you in any way ..you know what you need to know and youve started the moving on process. Keep pushing forward!

MondeoFan · 29/12/2019 22:26

I'd say ignore but if you think meeting her will give you some closure then go ahead

CokeAndCrispsAndDip · 29/12/2019 22:26

I'd not message or have any contact. Why should you make her feel better? I'm pretty sure if you go in any house that has a young baby there's evidence of it!! Lying bitch. She knew about you for 6 months. Plenty of time to deal with her own conscience. Not sure if I believe that's true anyway.

Leave your strength to deal with your recovery, the obsession is a natural part of grieving. You grieve the man you thought you knew and the future you had planned. One day at a time, you're doing great Flowers

MrsAJ27 · 29/12/2019 22:32

Do you want to respond?

I know some posters have said block, but I think I would be to interested in what she had to say.

I wouldn't meet up with her though, just talk on the phone!

You have done amazingly well and are very strong.

BrandoraPaithwaite · 29/12/2019 22:43

Her story that she fell out with him 3 weeks ago can't be true because OP saw texting including "can't wait babe" on 18th Dec.

She's slippery and slimy.. but that was obvious anyway.

OP keep strong and keep doing what you're doing. You're doing brilliantly. For what it's worth I think you should just ignore her. Block if she messages any more. You silence is the most eloquent reply.

magoria · 29/12/2019 22:45

The message is bull shit. Don't respond.

She knew about you 6 months ago and was happy to carry on with him.

As others said unless you are the tidiest person there must have been signs of your DC in your house.

She fell out of love 3 weeks ago, however less that two weeks ago was still texting him.

Again as others say. How did she get your number to contact you.

She was happy to carry on with the man you were in a relationship for SIX MONTHS not the most reliable or trust-worthy person is she?

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 29/12/2019 22:46

Definitely agree this has been directed by him. How did she contact you? The only reason she wants to meet is to beg you to forgive him and take him back.

Closure for both of them..as that old woman said, what a fucking nerve!!

kingkuta · 29/12/2019 22:49

Please just block her. Sounds like something they've cooked up together.

Wattagoose90 · 29/12/2019 22:59

I agree it's all part of a wider plan to manipulate you in regards to eventually accepting their relationship/her becoming step mum.

Like previous posters say, the best course of action is no action. Of course, I'd be doing the opposite because I wouldn't be able to carry on without knowing and it would torture me. But she'll probably lie anyway and it'll be of little benefit. Though if I did meet her, I'd put chewing gum in her hair.

Betterbegoing · 29/12/2019 23:01

Ignore her. Manipulative, lying cow. What a pair her and your ex will make.

YellowJellyfish · 29/12/2019 23:16

Omg! You are AMAZING the way you have carried yourself through this whole messy affair. I know it won't help much but be glad it's not after 20 years of marriage.

I found out about my Ex's sordid affairs, exactly the same way. I'd bought him an IPad for Xmas 5 years ago and set it up for him. He didn't realise it was linked with his iPhone. I found some messages, began digging and found he'd been having affairs for the whole time we were together.

And same as you OP, felt a bit smug how good our life was. How lucky our kids were to have parents still together. I threw him out but it destroyed me for nearly 5 years. I'm just getting over it now.

I'm not so obsessed about his other women now. They were all about 20 years older and 5 stone bigger than me. He likes older women apparently. Weird. 20 years I was with him and knew nothing.

Anyway back to you. Ignore the cow!

Think of her checking her phone every 10 mins to see if you've replied!!

You have the power, don't reply!

Yerbumsootthewindae · 29/12/2019 23:26

Just found this thread - don't reply! You're doing a cracking job without worrying about replying to her.

You are one amazing woman - your posts on this thread show that you and your wee one are going to be fine. Much love and strength Flowers

Rufftumbles · 29/12/2019 23:39

Just rtft. OP, you are amazing and have been so dignified. I would be inclined to think the message from her is not totally genuine regarding dates/how much she knew about you and her family. However, it’s up to you to decide whether meeting her would be beneficial for you, to help you move on. Despite lots of people telling you not to, you have to do what feels right for you. You also don’t need to decide right away. She is certainly not entitled to an immediate response. Take time, talk it over with family and then decide how to/if you respond. Flowers

Rufftumbles · 29/12/2019 23:39
  • you and your family
Newkitchen123 · 29/12/2019 23:50

Block!

Chunkers · 29/12/2019 23:50

I wonder if he has binned her and this is her stirring the shit? You could check her number on whatsapp to see if its the same person, but I think contacting her would hinder the progress you have made so far.

BonfireStarter · 30/12/2019 00:00

Well done OP. Get rid of him and stay rid of him. Shes welcome to your rejects if she wants them. You can do better.

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