Boyfriend cheating.. just found out..

[Beebeezed]

Omg, I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend has gone out on a work do. I kept hearing a pinging coming from his office so I went in to mute whatever device it was and it was his iPad. Went to mute it and saw the message ‘can’t wait babe’ on the home screen. Obviously I opened it and have now found hundreds of messages between him and another girl. No idea who she is. Haven’t even looked into that yet. Just read the messages. He says he loves her. I have an 8 month old baby I feel sick please what shall I do from here? He’s just text me saying he misses me and I can see on the iPad he’s text her saying he misses her

‘Hi @Beebeezed, so sorry to message you like this. (Ex) told me that you know about us and I wanted to share my side of everything before you ended up hating me and thinking I’m a bitch.
I swear I didn’t know about you until we went to yours and I saw pictures of you on the wall, this was in June and I swear on my
Families life I thought he was single up until that point. anyway, I carried on and I know that makes me a c* but I thought I loved (ex). I loved him until 3 weeks ago when he told me you have a baby together. I am so sorry. It’s taken me 3 weeks to muster up the courage to text you. I have a child too and I would fucking hate me if I were you. I’m sorry for what’s happened but I’d love to meet you, I think we both deserve closure. Let me know (name) x

Shall I respond, if so, how?

This is awful. She was at your house?? Your baby was a couple months old in June, yes? Are you the worlds tidiest new mom or would it have been obvious from being in your house that there was a baby? (ours was also scattered with burp clothes, clothes, toys, books etc in the early months, not to mention pram, change table, crib...)

My gut says that she is not being genuine and you are best to ignore and focus on moving on with your life.

The question is though, do you see any upside to meeting her? Do you want to?

It’s taken me 3 weeks to muster up the courage to text you.

Hmm, until you found out. This is such bullshit, they've been talking and no way has she been thinking about texting you.

Agree with pp. They are likely plotting how to transition to playing happy families/co-parents.

You may have to deal with your ex on child related stuff, but unless he marries this women, she is not a part of your or the babies life. You don't need to engage

Hi OP, I would personally not respond, or at least if you are thinking about responding I would definitely give it a couple of days. Seems too staged, she knew about you since June and whether you have a baby or not that's enough to tell you about what kind of a person she is. Hang in there x

Also meant to say that the text seems like it was written or directed by your ex or both of them together.

I wouldn't respond..yet or never. I feel as if she is fishing for information and the reference to your home feels deliberate to hurt you.

I don't see what you will gain from responding as it will feed the drama and I don't think she sounds very emotionally mature. Obsessing about her is absolutely natural, it will fade as your healing progresses. You are likely to have sad days as it has been one hell of a shock. Seeing her message must make it all the more real. Horrible situation that your Ex created but you are young enough to start over and it will be his loss.

I'm sorry for what happened but I'd love to meet you?! Wow she has some cheek to try and act like that when she's been sleeping with your husband! Obviously it's your decision OP but I don't see what positives could come from meeting her, if that were mme I'd simply respond with 'don't ever contact me again'. I wouldn't want to give either of them the satisfaction of showing any emotion. Your doing great OP, stay strong

Honestly if she's had three weeks to think about it, the genuine and classy approach would have been to message you saying "i just found out (ex) had a baby with you. I am so sorry to have gotten involved with him. I have dumped him and I never want to see his lying ass again. I know this situation must be awful for you so you will never hear from me again." And not ask you for anything in return. The "let's meet for closure because I don't want you to think bad of me" tells you this person is thinking about herself, not you

I'd respond.
'I really have no interest in meeting you. You clearly understand the damage you have caused by continuing a relationship with someone you knew - for the last 6 months anyway - was in a relationship. I really don't think you deserve 'closure' by having me make you feel better about the hurt the pair of you have caused. Live with your guilt and have the good grace not to contact me again.'
Then block her. Block, block, block. She wants to compare notes, to see if he was really planning to leave you like he probably told her he was. Shes going to pump you for info to serif a new relationship is worth pursuing now you have kicked him out. Play no part in it. Stay classy, resist the urge to get angry and tell her to fuck off, but do not engage. If you really want yo throw the cat amongst the pigeons, text your ex and tell him to advise his side piece to leave you alone.

You don’t owe her anything OP - You don’t owe her closure, or forgiveness or anything that makes her feel better. As she says she behaved like a cunt. Well actions have consequences, let her stew

Do you see any real point to meeting her? Would it give you any 'closure'?

She's already told you her (supposed) side of the story. She 'didn't know', but when she did find out she didn't break it off. Obviously she wasn't 'sorry' then. What more is there to say?

As far as what supposedly happened 3 weeks ago, I'd say if they have broken up, it's just as likely that he dumped her as that she got a sudden case of morals and dumped him. And it's quite possible (if he dumped her) that she's just trying to find out if he's trying to get back with you.

Personally, I probably wouldn't even bother with a reply or would reply with a terse "No, I have no interest in meeting you, you've done enough damage". You don't need to be the means by which she salves her guilty conscience or uses you to plot a way back into his life.

RTFT- so sorry you've been through all this. You sound incredibly brave.

I agree with others- that you should not give this woman or your ex the satisfaction of replying to this message, and CERTAINLY not meeting her! How has she even got your number? It's an invasion of your privacy and it's fucking disrespectful (and clearly done in cahoots with your ex). Just block her outright and say nothing. You will honestly look back on this in the future and feel a nice satisfaction that you were the better person. And your actions will leave them stewing.

Do you believe that she only found out 3 weeks ago? Most women people I know have an uncanny way of finding out incredible amounts about someone when they first like them!

I’d love to meet you, I think we both deserve closure

WTF???

She deserves nothing and you won't get any closure from meeting her!

Do not respond to her or engage with her in any way. Don't share any of your thoughts or insecurities with her or your ex - they are not your friends and no good can come of it.

You're doing amazingly well, and yes, it's completely normal to think about her and wonder what they're doing, etc. Just keep it to yourself, your DM (and MN if you like) but don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they're getting to you.

That’s a point @OxfordCat how has she got OP number? The more I think about it, the more I think you should not respond & block her OP

, just want to say how sorry I am, and how dignified you have been.
Good wishes to you and your son .

@Beebeezed this sounds so fishy, I'd wonder how she got your number for a start. Closure for her to know you forgive her for carrying on an affair with your DP behind your back maybe. Also, as another PP said, were there no photos, baby items, toys etc, at all in your house that she would have seen when she was there? I know when my DC was a few months old the house was full of stuff, and at that stage tidying it away was not high on my priority list.

Be cautious OP.

Ignore. She knew and you owe her nothing.
This is your chance to feel in control by not responding to either of them.

Ignore her
I know it. Must be so hard. I'd be desperate to message her and give her a piece of my mind, especially as she carried on when she knew about you but riae above it. I do wonder how she got your number etc. I hope you're ok

Ignore her please! Do not engage, neither of them deserve it.

What a piece of work she is !
I really think the pair of them deserve each other
I don’t think she’d know the truth if it was starring her in the face and I certainly wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of speaking to her . She’s already shown she is lying through her teeth
Block her & consider changing your number how on earth did she get it ????

Wow. Just wow. I can not bare the brass neck of some people, she clearly wants your forgiveness and to know details of your relationship to justify things to herself. She is selfish and rotten.

A very similar thing happened to me 3 years ago when o was pregnant and it's heart breaking. It's a roller coaster but you have handled it so so well and your baby will keep you focussed and strong.

Ive done why you mentioned, looking at every woman wondering if that is the OW. And more recently looking at every woman thinking it's his current GF. Well I've built it all up in my head and yesterday I actually saw her. Greasy hair, scruffy and screaming at her son in a shop. The few pictures I have previously seen she has been dressed up and carefully preened (although still oozing ugly from within) so seeing her yesterday as I glided past and she clearly knew who I was first made me feel good. I got some closure. You will always be classy and have your morales. As will I!

Much love to you and your baby, I promise you will get through this and you will be so proud of yourself 🥰