Boyfriend cheating.. just found out..

[Beebeezed]

Omg, I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend has gone out on a work do. I kept hearing a pinging coming from his office so I went in to mute whatever device it was and it was his iPad. Went to mute it and saw the message ‘can’t wait babe’ on the home screen. Obviously I opened it and have now found hundreds of messages between him and another girl. No idea who she is. Haven’t even looked into that yet. Just read the messages. He says he loves her. I have an 8 month old baby I feel sick please what shall I do from here? He’s just text me saying he misses me and I can see on the iPad he’s text her saying he misses her

Teary eyes reading your last update OP- the pp was totally right in saying your handling of this should be textbook- I think why it's resonated with so many (me!) is because we have not/wouldnt have dealt with this so well at all (had him back, believed the bullshit, texted the OW, meltdown....!)- honestly for anyone going through this right now (your really not alone) your thread should be compulsive reading-

So glad you had a wonderful night with your friends, your Christmas was with the people who love you most and thank you for sharing your journey as far, its aspirational x

Have a wonderful new year OP, I'm positive better things are ahead for you and your LO

As I said before, you will be just fine. You're sensible, strong, resilient, and you have a good understanding of your feelings.

I'm glad you had a good night with your friends. Of course you will be feeling sad that this Christmas wasn't the one you had dreamed of, allow yourself to feel that sadness, it doesn't mean you're ungrateful for how the day did turn out. There will always be people who are worse off than you, but that doesn't diminish how what you are going through, is affecting you.

Things will get better, time is a healer, and you will find happiness again. In the meantime, just take each day as it comes, and find joy in the simple things.

After reading the update I can tell and your son are going to be just fine. I only hope others who find themselves in your position find this thread and take strength from it, because you're giving a masterclass in how to walk away with your dignity and respect intact. Your DP is an idiot for losing such an incredibly strong woman.

Someone once said, when you are going through hell, keep going.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't me but someone who knew a thing or two about being in shit situations. Just keep going. It won't last forever.

This was a thread that could have been filled with despair but is now filled with hope after positive actions taken by OP.

This should be on Classics as a masterclass on what to do in these situations so it can help others.

Churchill is credited with that Winter.

Beebeezed
Stay as strong as your last post sounded.
What an idiot your ex partner sounds. To give up the chance of a lovely family for a sh*g with someone. He's a complete tosser.
Im so glad you have the love and support of your parents. Wishing you a great 2020.

You are incredible OP

You are amazing. Strong, classy, sensible. Your family is full of rockstars! I wish you nothing but love, happiness and peace in 2020. Keep us updated if you feel you can.

You are so amazing. Carry on being strong and the best mum as you already are xxxx

Thank you all, you’re all so up lifting I can’t even explain how much posting this on Mumsnet has helped me. Admittedly, I don’t even remember writing it (in shock I think) but I did so because I was too ashamed to speak to anyone in real life and you have all taught me how ridiculous that is. Thank you so much.
Today, I had a bad day. We were meant to be going on holiday and I kept thinking to myself ‘right now we’d be boarding’ ‘right now we’d be landing’ I don’t know why I’m doing this to myself! I had a good day out with my son, and tried to distract myself as much as I could but I did keep having little cries.
One thing that is happening, and I would love to speak to anyone that’s been through the same thing, is that I’m becoming obsessed about the OW. Not in a way of messaging her or anything but whenever I’m anywhere I keep thinking I’m seeing her!! I know roughly what she looks like based on one WhatsApp profile pic but I have no idea where she works, loved etc. But wherever I am, I think I see her. Any blonde person I’m like THATS HER. Has this happened to anyone else or am I being a bit crazy? I would never approach this person, as the logical side of me knows that I’m being an idiot, but it’s really ruining any time
I’m spending out of the house.
The only option I can see is to ask my ex where she works,lives etc so I can rule out 99.9% of blonde pretty females but then that does mean a) talking to him and b) knowing that information and will that make me worse?!
Has anyone that’s been in my situation gone through this and does it get easier the more you get over it?

Lives not loves.*

I’m also really sorry to everyone that’s said how strong I’ve been as this clearly shows that I haven’t been

You are stronger than you realise OP and I think this is a natural reaction wanting to know who the OW is and where she lives etc. I also understand how all-consuming it can become and you think you're seeing her everywhere.

It will pass, and you will continue to be amazing x

I think it's natural to think about her, I wouldn't feed in to it though.

I think the more you know about her the more you will think about her; this isn't about her at all do not allow her that space in your head as it won't help you.

You are doing amazing though

stay strong op - you got this!!

You are being amazingly strong but you mustnt expect too much from yourself. Allow yourself tears, anger and crazy moments. Its an immensely hard thing that you are going through and no two days will be the same for a long time. If you do end up doing something that you said you wouldn't, forgive yourself and think of how amazing you are being 99% of the time. This is a process and you will get through it but it will take time. Xx

@Beebeezed

Hi OP, I totally get where you're coming from.

Many moons ago my DH left me.

Every time I heard the gate go, saw a red car, I thought it was him. I became obsessed to the point where I was camping in my car outside her house at 2am waiting to see the lights go off.

It's totally normal behaviour. And it will pass. I assure you.

But you must stop. Don't beat yourself up. But it does no good. You're only torturing yourself:

@Beebeezed I completely understand. I've not been in exactly the type of situation you are in but I have had my heart completely shattered and pined for a long time over an ex. I was incredibly insecure when we were together as I had doubts over whether he was still seeing his ex at the time (never found it but in hindsight I'm pretty sure he was cheating on me with her). He then returned to her after we broke up.

I used to search her on fb and compare myself to her all the time. I would try to gain an insight into the type of person she was from the comments below her photos etc. But then I just realised that it was completely futile. It didn't matter who she was as it had no bearing on ME and the who I am at all.

I understand the desire to know who she is out of sheer curiosity but you are torturing yourself and finding out will only prolong and impair your recovery from this. You need to Not contact him. This too will pass.

Hi op,

I have just read your all your posts. You are utterly amazing. You have handled this is a way that all woman wish they could but very rarely have the strength. Having a bad day does not make you any less strong. You are muddling your way through one of the absolute worst situations at a time of year which would only make it harder.

You step a strong, beautiful, courageous woman who sounds like a wonderful mother and from your so many comments you sound so kind and thoughtful.

You did not deserve this. You did not ask for this yet unfortuanlty you have to now work your way through it. You will have good and bad days, that's normal. Cry when you need to and laugh when you can.

You will get through this and you will come out stronger than ever.

You will also find your happily ever after. Continue to use those around you for support. That's what they are there for. Such in awe of you op.

I'm sorry you missed your holiday, that's just salt in the wound and adding more heartache unfortuanlty.

You and your son will be ok. You will make sure of it because you're that type of person. You have determination others wish they had.

All the best xxxx

@Beebeezed

Op your not going crazy!!
My baby dad went with another girl (a lot younger then me) who I went to school and college with and every girl I seen with blond hair I thought was her also when I was out

Eventually I did see her and Il be honest I did punch her in the face as she knew we was together from going school an college together so I was very annoyed with her aswel as him.
They both got a punch and never lived it down since. Both a pair of rats !!
I'm clearly no were near as dignified as you ! But your not cracking up xx

Totally normal reaction OP, it in no way diminishes how strong you are and have been, you have to allow yourself this grieving process (it's very important, and IT WILL pass, but does take time).

I did the 'compare'- ended up losing way too much weight and dont even get me started on what happened on Social media!!.. (I was so pleased when you mentioned you were coming off FB etc, honestly for anyone going through a breakup 'delete, recover, pick your friends if you decide to go back'...there should be rules around relationship breaks on SM! so destructive).

Your holiday would have been now, of course your feeling the 'we would have been....', but remember if you didnt find that iPad you would have now been on that holiday with a cheating dick still playing his game....which would you have preferred?

You'll always hold the higher ground OP, how you left was so impressive, it took immense courage...now allow yourself some time to come down from that, keep your friends and family close, perhaps get really involved in some mums clubs with your LO, but one foot infront of the other for now is totally good enough

(Also had that god awful thought 'what if you had found all of this out on your holiday' OP!? You'd have been 100's of miles away from your friends and family, possibly being 'talked around' or trying desperately to find flights back for you and your LO?)
Don't miss the holiday, you'll have plenty of lovely ones in the future I'm sure (minus the arsehole!).

You ARE strong. Having bad days is all par for the course. You're grieving, so will be up and down for a while. Just take each day as it comes, and allow yourself those times of "weakness".

Just wanted to echo what others have said. You're human and how you're feeling is understandable. Remember you are strong. Look after yourself and don't worry about what others think. Good luck.