You’re all lovely people for giving a stranger some of your time and offering such kind words of support. I honestly have read these comments during low moments and I’ve felt better. thank you so much.
My night with the girls was great, I took your advice and didn’t take my phone but made sure my ex knew who to contact incase of emergency with DS. I cried, my friends cried, we danced and we sang and it was honestly so Bridget Jones but so amazing. I woke up feeling like I’d really let off some steam. (And hangover free as I’d stopped drinking once I got teary as I could predict it could have got messy.)
Christmas was ok, certainly not the ‘baby’s first Christmas’ I’d imagined but I was fed, watered and living in a warm home surrounded by people that love me. I have decided to take myself off of all SM as I was just comparing myself to all these seemingly perfect families and beating myself up about it. I know everyone has their own battles and I need to remember that life isn’t what you see on Instagram! My son is only 8 months so won’t remember a thing but we had a good day :) I was so sad but also so content, it’s so strange. Cheaters don’t realise the impact they have on their spouse, it’s life changing.
My ex is hounding me whilst also being respectful to the fact I’m busy being a mum to our son and living with my parents. He turned up once but as soon as my dad told him how inappropriate this was he hasn’t returned. He is calling and texting but also saying ‘I know you’re busy being the best Mum to our son so don’t feel the need to reply’. By all accounts he spent Christmas at our home on his own , but I don’t feel sad for him. He chose this.
I know for a fact he got me a watch for Christmas, but he’s now telling my mum he’s got me a car and sent her pictures. This means once I found out he decided to go out and get me a car, as a guilt present I assume and maybe to buy some attention. This isn’t Doing him any favours as it’s showing me he’s guilty and buying me stuff to make me come round. As if a bloody car would make me forgive him?! It’s like the brother situation all over again. If anything, it’s making me resent him even more. He’s ok financially to be doing this, so I’m not worried he’s going to spiral into debt trying to woo me. He’s just being an idiot.
I haven’t, and won’t, message the OW.
I can’t lie and say I’m looking forward to 2020. A few weeks ago I thought I’d be seeing in the new year with my partner and our son in the home we built. Now I’m single, living with my parents and Sharing a room with my son in a travel cot. I know I’m better off than a lot of people with this situation, but it just isn’t how I expected my life to go. But these past few weeks have taught me how lucky I am, I took my family and friends for granted and I’m now going to work on myself and become the best mum I can be. I’m angry, I’m resentful, I’m disappointed and I’m hurt. but, one thing I’m not is naive and I know that If I let these resounding emotions take over, and allow myself to forgive him I will just be living in a life of mistrust and resentment. If I had no children, I’m sure I’ll have forgiven him. But I need my son to grow up in a happy home, it will definitely be more humble than if there was two of us but at least it will be genuine.
I hope you all had a merry Christmas and have a fantastic new year, thank you al again xx