Boyfriend cheating.. just found out..

[Beebeezed]

Omg, I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend has gone out on a work do. I kept hearing a pinging coming from his office so I went in to mute whatever device it was and it was his iPad. Went to mute it and saw the message ‘can’t wait babe’ on the home screen. Obviously I opened it and have now found hundreds of messages between him and another girl. No idea who she is. Haven’t even looked into that yet. Just read the messages. He says he loves her. I have an 8 month old baby I feel sick please what shall I do from here? He’s just text me saying he misses me and I can see on the iPad he’s text her saying he misses her

Congratulations to you in these difficult times

I am sure you have made the right decision. Whilst he has admitted it all, I don't think may people successfully manage long term to rebuild a marriage. I know someone who tried and it just ate away at her all the time. She left him 5 years later as she said she just couldn't deal with it any more. She was still laid awake at night thinking of the OW. At least this will give you eventually some closure

All I can say is well done. Your mum must have also done a great job raising you with good self esteem so you know you deserve to be treated well.

Can you imagine if every man knew their actions would have consequences, I suspect affairs would be less rife. Or maybe they would just be more devious ( apple phones seem to be a common way to find out about affairs).

Op, if you contacted the OW you are likely to hear difficult info. If she knew about you then he will have told her lies about you and your relationship as a way to justify his affair. (I'm just staying for the baby, she trapped me, we don't have a relationship, she is controlling etc).

Wow, you’re being so strong. And so so dignified with all of this. I’m not sure I’d handle things anywhere near as well as you are and I don’t think many people would so well done. Also I’m still so sorry that this happened especially with a baby. At least you’ve made your mind up regarding the future and can begin to look forwards again and plan things etc. I wish you all the best and I hope your Christmas is still a happy one with your family and your baby xx

Well done for being so strong
What a lovely bond with mum. Cherish her every second.

All the best @Beebeezed.

I am sure you will hit a wall at some point but you are amazing. I am glad you have good friends and family around you. He has behaved like a shit and he will be having a shitty Christmas, more so than you because he has lost you and the respect of those that know him. I would not contact OW now or in future.

You have been truly amazing. You will make an incredible role model for your son. Wishing you all the happiness in the future.

Strong, dignified, classy. These are for you

Wow OP you really are a strong lady, your family and friends are amazing too. Best wishes to you and your son.

He says he loves me but was stressed at the thought of becoming a dad and found it therapeutic to have something in his life that wasn’t serious. Fucking dick head. As if I wasn’t scared to be a mum? But I dealt with that by reading baby books and going to NCT not shagging someone else!!

Classy, cool, calm, collected AND funny, OP. You’re a catch and well rid of this complete tool.

OP You are truly amazing; and as unmumsnetty as it is, I want to give you a hug, tell you how proud I am of your response and that you are going to be just fine.
I love that you have put your DC first and realise that you will never forgive your ex, so you know there is no point trying to raise your child in that situation.

Have a great time tonight, dance your shoes off, drink as much as you want to and cry if you need to.

Merry Christmas x

Your handling all off this amazingly! What a textbook twat he sounds, you really do deserve so much better, keep strong lovely lady x
(Just a little safety tip, your off out with you pals tonight, make a little plan...maybe mum keeps your phone, keep one friend close, cry all you want but call time and head home when you need too...your doing so well dont let 'vino fog' send those drafted texts....)!
Have a wonderful christmas

You are amazing! I just know you’re going to be ok. Your son, parents and friends sound awesome too.

You should be so proud of yourself and you’re setting a fantastic example to your son. Hope you have a great Christmas and try not to think about him, he’s not worth your time. How dare he try and emotionally manipulate you with his brothers death.

Had to comment on this just so say what an absolute hero you are OP. He is such a dick. Your son is so lucky to have such a great mum. Try to look at this as a blessing in disguise. Imagine you had never found out- doesn't bear thinking about.
Absolutely kudos to you - sending you love and wishing you a happy Christmas xxx

Bloody hell OP. You’re one tough lady. Your son is so lucky to have such a great role model

Respect OP

You’re amazing OP

You’ll live a happy life and he’ll live a life of regret.

You’re amazing and so strong, what an example to set for your child 😊
Please don’t contact the ow - you won’t gain anything and risk loosing all the dignity and high ground you’ve managed to achieve in all this - she’s nothing to you, hold your head up high and don’t give either of them the satisfaction xx

Wow you are so strong! Hope you have an amazing night out with your girls and drink lots and lots of wine xxx

I'm so glad you've got good support, OP, you're going to need it over the coming months. You've been so incredibly brave and strong.

And good for you not hiding what he's done. The shame is all his.

I hope you have a peaceful Christmas with your little one

Youre one strong woman op-how dare he blame his brothers deat on cheagting on you thats low

in time it wil get easier and sounds like youve got good support around you good luck for the future

You're being amazing, well done. I'm glad you didn't fall for his sob story; having a fling before the baby came would have been bad enough but perhaps forgivable as a moment of madness with impending fatherhood or grief over his DB, but to continue with it for all this time after the baby was born is just... well... unbelievable. I'm not sure contacting the ow will do you any good, you already know he has lied to her in one way or another (seems unlikely that she thought he was single so, as other poster said, he will have made you sound in some way at fault) so unless you have a strong desire to make sure she knows the truth, I would try to put her out of your head. If it hadn't been her, it would have been someone else. I doubt very much their relationship will last even if he wants it to, unless she's completely blind, in which case good luck to her, she's welcome to him.

Massive well dones on being so amazing in response to this shitty behaviour. Yes it's a long road but you are one of the strong ones clearly. You and your baby will be just fine.

I wish you a strong, wonderful Christmas .

I'm so glad you updated us. You are a strong woman, and I'm full of admiration for you. Have a lovely Christmas with your baby and your family.

You are amazing. Keep being strong and stay away, it may be hard. But your life would be even harder if you stayed. It's his loss. You will end up with such a lovely life. You deserve it.
He has lost everything and he deserves it. Please don't message him when you have had a drink. He will try to talk you around, but it will just be more lies. I bet he's still in contact with her. Probably more so now you're not around. He is weak and won't want to be alone. Stay strong for yourself and your son. You will have a much better life without him xxxxx