Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Boyfriend cheating.. just found out..

871 replies

Beebeezed · 18/12/2019 21:19

Omg, I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend has gone out on a work do. I kept hearing a pinging coming from his office so I went in to mute whatever device it was and it was his iPad. Went to mute it and saw the message ‘can’t wait babe’ on the home screen. Obviously I opened it and have now found hundreds of messages between him and another girl. No idea who she is. Haven’t even looked into that yet. Just read the messages. He says he loves her. I have an 8 month old baby I feel sick please what shall I do from here? He’s just text me saying he misses me and I can see on the iPad he’s text her saying he misses her

OP posts:
selmabear · 19/12/2019 10:16

You are taking all the correct steps to leave OP. I'm glad you have your mother for support. You were right to not confront him last night, I don't think you would have gotten anywhere if you had. I hope he suffers from the hangover from hell while all the while realising what he just lost. Good luck for the future OP. 💐

Anon234 · 19/12/2019 10:18

I can't add anything to the advice already given by others but I am just so so sorry that this has happened to you. What an absolute shit of a man. Sending you the most enormous hug, I doubt that you will be able to see this at the moment (that's what shock does to your chemistry) but you have completely got this. You will be absolutely fine; not yet, and probably not for a while, but a year down the line you will be absolutely on top of your life and he will live with the regret of this stupid decision every day.

Littlemissdaredevil · 19/12/2019 10:19

Your response was very dignified and I loved the post it note! Hopefully you snuggled up on the sofa at your mums with a hot chocolate now.

FizzyPink · 19/12/2019 10:20

Wow OP I’m amazed at your control and dignity, I’m not sure id have managed that. You’re doing amazing, stay strong and you will get through this Flowers

Kelsoooo · 19/12/2019 10:23

Ah OP, I'm so sorry.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 19/12/2019 10:25

Stay strong OP, he'll be all apologies and minimising when he wakes up and works it out.

whatacarryon2018 · 19/12/2019 10:27

What an amazing woman you are. I would never have had the strength, courage or will power to have taken such a dignified approach.
Xxxxx

highlyunreasonable · 19/12/2019 10:33

I think @Jakkipu maybe meant 101??

OP, just read the thread from start to finish. Well done for the way you have handled it. No doubt he'll be full of lies and crocodile tears when he realises but I hope you stay strong.

Good luck and enjoy your babies first Christmas Xmas Smile

FAQs · 19/12/2019 10:34

Oh crikey what an arse he is. Doesn’t deserve you.

AiryFairyMum · 19/12/2019 10:38

You've done brilliantly, well done.

fluffyjumper · 19/12/2019 10:39

OP I cant stop thinking about you. I'm so pleased you are with your mum. I hope you have managed to rest.

mariabs · 19/12/2019 10:43

Well done!

oobieloo · 19/12/2019 10:43

I'm glad you've left. What a horrible man to do this to his family.
You are strong and you can do this. You have support. Never think this is because you weren't enough for him. He did this because he is a terrible person. You might not have realised it before but you can see him for what he is now. A liar and a home wrecking cheat.
You on the other hand are a beautiful trusting woman who has put her child first this entire time.

foihnula80 · 19/12/2019 10:45

Well done! Flowers

Danni12 · 19/12/2019 10:46

What a dignified and classy exit OP, I'm glad that you are away now and with your mum, surrounded by love and supportFlowers

Pinksmyfavoritecolour · 19/12/2019 10:52

What a silly silly man, has a loving girlfriend, who’s family also love him, a new baby, and it’s not enough. He’s going to wake up with a hangover and see the iPad and realise he’s Thrown away everything for nothing more than an ego boost most likely. Glad you’ve got your mum to love and look after you and your baby.

Ladyratterley · 19/12/2019 10:58

OP you have handled this amazingly. He is an utter bastard.
For what it's worth I've had similar happen to me but luckily we had no kids. I chucked him out & he went to live with the girl he had been shagging behind my back and I never heard from him again.
Fast forward 9 years and just as I was about to get married he got in touch. I found out from mutual friends he was getting divorced from said girl. I laughed in his face.

Karma will get your boyfriend in the end. Things will be shit now but you'll get through this with support for family & friends. Sending very un-mumsnetty hugs x

Greenkit · 19/12/2019 11:02

Keep strong

However I would have taken the iPad with me, so I could see the conversation between him and the OW, once he knew you knew.

KM99 · 19/12/2019 11:03

So glad you are with your Mum, OP. Let her take care of you. x

Remember, as for what's next - you get to decide what's best for you and your baby. You are in shock, this is all very raw and the level of his disloyalty is staggering. Take the time you need to gather your strength and make your decisions. You owe him nothing and as long as your Mum is happy to be mediate in him seeing the baby that's the very most he deserves right now.

Right now, you are safe, you are cared for and with people who love you unconditionally. Your Mum and your baby. Let yourself be wrapped up in that for as long as you need xx

TheHootiestChristmasOwl · 19/12/2019 11:04

111 can’t help because they are the NHS Direct line and although can diagnose your illness and possibly send an ambulance sadly won’t send police

Grin this.

@Jakkipu you mean 101.

peachescariad · 19/12/2019 11:15

Exactly what Pinks said....he has lost EVERYTHING....You sound totally amazing OP Flowers

TiddyTid · 19/12/2019 11:34

For you OP Thanks

I hope you're getting some sleep now and keep being strong for you and your baby. You're amazing.

AloneLonelyLoner · 19/12/2019 11:42

A tale as old as time. The asshole.

Well done for being so calm and strong OP. I wish you all the best. If it isn't a joint tenancy then give him his marching orders ASAP or get somewhere else. I'm so glad that you have a supportive family and place to be while all this gets sorted.

You do yourself credit by being so strong and calm while inside you must be breaking. I'm so sorry OP.

ivykaty44 · 19/12/2019 11:59

Hopefully you are getting some well needed sleep.

I would seriously think about holding your own court for a few days and not seeing your b/f tell him you have a lot of things to digest & seeing as he has known the full entire story of his deceit you now also need time to come to terms with what’s been happening & what you want to do moving forward

Don’t rush, make your own mind up and you don’t need to hear him out as that will only adjust your thinking & you might not then make the correct choices for you....

Give yourself some breathing space

You are going to go through an entire set of emotions from shock, upset to anger and hostility. Allow yourself to have these emotions but then use your head afterwards to make your choices

Minky35 · 19/12/2019 12:02

Well done on being so strong x

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.