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Original poster

To ask your biggest parenting fails to make me feel better about mine today

321 replies

GlummyMcGlummerson · 18/12/2019 14:52

I feel so guilty I could vomit. I’ve been sobbing all day (I know, I need to get a grip).

Taking DS (2) to nursery, as usual I put my handbag on the passenger seat of my car (which has the keyless entry and a stop/start button rather than an ignition) then strapped him in behind the passenger seat. Then, as usual, shut his door to walk round to the drivers’ side. This has never been an issue - it’s easier than keeping hold of my key in my hand while I strap a wriggling toddler into a car seat - but today for some reason the car locked itself. Long story short, the fire brigade had to come out and smash a window. DS has been in the car for about 20 minutes at his point and was seriously distressed. He’s fine now, but I’m a mess. I wouldn’t usually call emergency service BTW I did initially call the AA but they said up to 60 minutes and they couldn’t get hold of the nearest mechanic. There’s no way I was letting him stay there for so long.

I told my mum and she was horrified, told me to expect social services on my doorstep ready to take him away Sad in the meantime I have ordered a spare key (at £235, thank god for Christmas bonus) and a new car window comes Friday (Merry arsing Christmas to me)

In the vain hope of me feeling less shit please regale me with anything similar you’ve done, please say it’s not just me!

OP posts:
HouseSquirrel · 19/12/2019 09:46

Oh god, huge hugs xxxxx I have had many fails! Once when my kids were 3 and 1, I met up with an old friend and we took our kids to the playground. We had parked at the side of a very busy road. I said goodbye to my friend and started getting my kids into the car ... but while I was focused on strapping my 1YO in, my 3YO (who I thought was right next to me) wandered around the other side of the car, i.e. into the very busy road. Thankfully my eagle-eyed friend had not left yet - she leapt out of her car and led my 3YO over to me and waited while I got them both into the car. She didn't make a big deal out of it, just offered a non-judgemental helping hand! Which is how your mum should have been too ... but perhaps her own distress at thinking of this incident is colouring her reaction? I mean, maybe it comes from a place of concern rather than disapproval (though she still should have checked herself).

And I still have a small bald spot on my head from where I had to have stitches as a kid after my mum accidentally slammed the car boot on my head 😂 (I reached in for something at the last minute while she was shitting it!)

Honestly, we are expected to manage alone these days - previous generations recognised that 'it takes a village', which meant people on hand to have your back. We struggle on our own any things like this happen from time to time. Be as forgiving to yourself as you would be to your best friend if she had done the same thing!

holamums · 19/12/2019 09:48

Was your mum being completely sarcastic? No big deal, well except for your bank balance 😖 I always leave key on top of car roof just out of habit. But it could happen to anyone, don't feel bad x

YouRemindMeOfTheBabelfish · 19/12/2019 09:51

Locked my firstborn into my van when she was a baby, I was lucky that the police station was right by the supermarket and there were some officers nearby to ask. They wouldn't smash my windows but thanks to someone having obviously broken in to the van before I owned it, they eventually got in by pulling the back doors open.

It's embarrassing but it's more common than you think.

She also locked herself in a room when she was a toddler and I had to ask a builder from down the road to come and help me break her out.

I lost her several times at a theme park on different occasions. She was a wanderer.

Her sister was a runner and it took a team to get my shopping done in asda, where they all knew her name faceplant

Tried to stop youngest from running across the road we were crossing and effectively pushed her over.

I could go on.

LigPatin · 19/12/2019 09:54

My Mum bit me!

Apparently I was going through a bitey stage and she finally lost the plot and bit me back - made 100 times worse by the fact we were on a plane at the time 😂
It was hard enough to leave a mark and apparently she was absolutely mortified. I never bit anyone again tho.

PS. I have no memory of this and no literal or figurative scars were formed

FreedomfromPE · 19/12/2019 09:57

Forget your mother's melodrama/ blaming you. Is she usually so hurtful? What are social service going to say? You were right there. He was safe.
There was a time my daughter got really tired on a walk. So I sat her on the buggy board. She fell asleep and I didn't notice (right there by my knees) all fine until I bumped down a couple of steps near home and she fell off! Cut her head, blood everywhere. There's a little scar right at her hairline. Sad.

LigPatin · 19/12/2019 09:58

Oh God, I remember when my Mum shut my brothers hand into the car door though!
(he's 12 years younger than me so it was a long time after The Biting).
She cried more than he did!!

And my boyfriend picked up my sister once, she was about 6 or 7 (she's 16 years younger than me) and was spinning her around on the decking outside, but it was all slippery so he slipped, they both fell and she broke her collarbone!
I've hated deckings every since.

TheOrigFV45 · 19/12/2019 10:05

I recently changed my GP practice, got online services and was just scrolling through my patient history out of curiosity. It goes right back to the early 70s when I was 3 or 4 and records that I got hold of some of my Aunt's valium. She was baby sitting and had it in a matchbox.

My Mum told me just how terrible she was made to feel. Apparently it was only when I started behaving strangely that my Aunt owned up, and they took me to hospital straight away. I was just observed I think.

MsChatterbox · 19/12/2019 10:11

I have a really similar story but mine is more my fault and less accidental. Toddler climbed into car, I put my bag with key in the car. Closed door so toddler couldn't get out then quickly put some rubbish in the bin by car. He pressed the door lock button (I now realise he could have released handbrake too etc so I know this was stupid). So there I was frantically trying to direct toddler to door lock button but he kept pressing the hazard lights instead. After 5 minutes he finally pressed the button. It felt like a lifetime. Will never do that again!

RainbowAlicorn · 19/12/2019 10:26

Once my son was crawling my DH always let him crawl up the stairs himself, several months before I even dared to, the very first time I let him crawl upstairs, he got to the top and I thought right he is safe now and went to open the gate he sat down and leaned backwards failing down the first 4 steps, I have never screamed so loud or moved so fast in my life. He was fine, he didnt even cry. I on the other hand was sobbing for a good half and hour.

haverhill · 19/12/2019 10:30

Is your mum always so unsupportive and judgemental? If so, that might be why you have had such a strong reaction to what happened.
FlowersFlowers

selmabear · 19/12/2019 10:31

No one will call SS because you accidentally locked your child in the car OP, it was accident not an act of neglect or endangerment. Your mother is being dramatic and horrible!
I once let go of my child's reins for 2 seconds to get my card out of my purse to pay for groceries and in that 2 seconds he ran out of the shop and almost onto a busy road. A police officer stopped him and I was mortified. No one called SS!

minipurr · 19/12/2019 10:50

Vomited all over the baby.

I had Noro, he had noro and DH was working away.
Woken up by the sound of DS vomiting, went to change his bed and him. Bent over the cot and promptly covered him from head to toe. He cried, I cried.

JoGose · 19/12/2019 10:59

@FreshStart01 I’m glad I made you feel betterGrin I shouldn’t be allowed to keep people alive, honestly😂

peachgreen · 19/12/2019 11:08

DD (2) came through holding two sharp knives she had liberated from the dishwasher the other day. Just as I realised what she was holding she fell over. Thank fuck she was totally fine, not a scratch on her, but she could have been seriously hurt or even killed. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for not checking it was latched properly.

We all do stupid things. Most of us are lucky that it doesn't have long-lasting concequences. And I have nothing but sympathy for the unlucky ones.

Chewysmum · 19/12/2019 11:26

Sorry but your mum sounds like a bitch, and a pretty delusional one at that. Does she honestly think that's what SS is there for? Anyway, this could have easily happened to anyone, please don't blame yourself, he's fine. I once let my 6 month old fall off a high changing table. Another time when he was about the same age, I asked for a jug of boiling water in a Cafe, they sat it right in front of him, he threw his arm out and grabbed it, luckily I reacted quite quickly and lifted him high so it just drenched me (still have scars). So I'd say mine beat yours hands down lol. Only this morning I forgot to close the stairgate because the door went (he's 19 months now) and I caught him halfway up the stairs!!

MustardScreams · 19/12/2019 11:31

Oh a funny(ish) one. I had dd in bed with me one night, just drifting off to sleep and think ahhh she’s stroking my hair. How lovely Smile

What she was actually doing was cutting my hair off in great clumps with the scissors I’d forgotten I’d left on the bedside table wrapping presents that evening.

I’ve got some interesting layers atm!

To ask your biggest parenting fails to make me feel better about mine today
PinkMonkeyBird · 19/12/2019 11:35

I did similar on a bloody hot day and my DD was 3 years old. She's a teenager now and survived...doesn't even remember!! My (now ex) DH had to drive 45 mins with the spare key to open the car. It was awful waiting for him to arrive as she was getting distressed.

Your mum is being a total bitch! Ignore her.

Josieannathe2nd · 19/12/2019 11:37

I feel for you so much. I did this exact thing with my eldest except they were just about to have a nap so I watched them go to sleep and the breakdown man arrived within an hour so they could get a window down. After that horrendous wait I told myself that if it ever happened again I would just carefully break the window furthest away from the child, in the corner of the window so I think you did exactly write. I still feel stressed about it 6 years on. Be kind to yourself. FWIW I think I’m a generally good Mum, my children are still with me and love me!

cheesewitheverything · 19/12/2019 11:52

I'm still haunted by some of the accidents my dc had that were my fault (inattention, generally just not thinking properly, doziness) and it was all over 20 years ago. We all do stuff like this and fortunately luck is usually on our side and no harm done, but things happen in moments and split seconds. You're fine, they're fine - it's your DM that needs a stiff word or two from some mumsnetters...

ravenmum · 19/12/2019 11:59

I got the kids blinds in their room, and one day my son got the cord caught round his neck. It was really hard to get off - for a moment I thought he'd be asphyxiated - and I felt like such a bad parent afterwards for not seeing the danger. The fact that his dad and 4 grandparents had all seen the blinds too and not said anything did not make me feel any better.

My stepmum did just the same thing with my half brother as you did. She got an ice-cream man to entertain him through the car window while she took the bus home and got her keys! She tells this as a hilarious story.

If your mum has always been like that, seems logical that it will have made you a nervous parent.

ravenmum · 19/12/2019 12:03

Oh, and my ex, who is the most thick-skinned man alive (maybe leave out the "skinned" bit in this case), once placed our daughter (2.5) on a folding chair, then went to change her baby brother's nappy. Of course she got her finger stuck in the chair, then when she screamed he left her brother on the changing mat and went to help her. And of course the baby wriggled off the mat and fell on the floor (from table height). My ex finds this story so funny that he tells it at every family occasion.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 19/12/2019 12:04

If this thread highlights anything (other than the fact that all of us fuck up as parents on a regular basis and very rarely is any lasting harm done) it's that your mum is not a positive or helpful presence in your life, and you might want to think about putting her on a strict "information diet" (your brother too, since he appears to be her flying monkey).

May84 · 19/12/2019 12:05

It's actually pretty good 😂
You'd think she'd get every bug going as both me and my husband work in healthcare but we've been lucky so far 👌😂

MintyMabel · 19/12/2019 12:08

Sent DD to nursery with a broken leg.

Hard as it is to believe, I didn't know it was broken.

MintyMabel · 19/12/2019 12:10

don't worry mum, it didn't taste that much like carpet...

@kitk That made me gasp then giggle. I can imagine how shit that made you feel!