To think that messaging someone at 4am is unreasonable

[Macaroni46]

So I've started chatting to a guy online. He seems very keen. Lots of flowery language, you're so beautiful etc lol but literally had only been messaging a few hours.
Gets to around 11pm I say I'm going to sleep now. Lots of flowery night nights from him but finally the messages stop.
Fast forward to 4.15am. I'm fast asleep and am abruptly woken by a message on my phone. I panic and think something's up with the DC (early 20s) or my ageing dad who's had some health scares recently.
I reply to the guy saying why are you messaging me at this time, you've woken me up? He replies saying what's my problem and he only wanted to wish me a good morning. (Or words to that effect). He goes on to say I should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me and I should apologise for being short with him (I told him I was not happy about being woken up). Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message. I told him I didn't think so and that he'd disrespected my boundaries. I won't be continuing the conversation or meeting him as he sounds unhinged!
I'm now wide awake, fuming cos I'm awake and wondering, this isn't normal is it? I'm not unreasonable for being f'ing furious for being woken in the night (he argued that technically its morning) and for feeling creeped out?

Agree with @jillowarriorqueen

my messages show up on my home screen and I won’t even open the message if it isn’t important as I do find it irritating to open a message and not reply and I also won’t get “the why did you read it and not respond” earache.

Unless it’s a 1996 flip phone from Motorola, most phones you can silence for sleep or DND and the alarm will still go off, I even had one phone that you could switch off and the alarm still went off if it was set.

All that said, i refuse to give out my number after a couple hours chatting online anyway. I only give out my number once I get to that point when I don’t mind being sent a message at anytime and I feel confident that he won’t be a phone pest/stalker ( so after about 4-5 days) otherwise I’d be constantly blocking them on my phone and avoiding withheld numbers

Jack80 he claimed to be living in London so not in another country. Also, I'd only started messaging with him that afternoon so it's not like we were in a relationship.
To those who say I was harsh, fair point but I'd ask you to bear in mind that the flowery language and excessive flattery was already concerning me and so the 4am message just added to the general oddness!

Furrymules yes that's it. The whole exchange did make me feel very uneasy which is why I interpreted the early hours text as a massive red flag

Don’t give it another thought, other than to be relieved you’ve blocked him. Clearly bonkers, or a scam.

Just don't look at your phone if it is a bad time for you.....simplez!

Macaroni46 Yes, sometimes these people may be harmless but just have some boundary issues or abandonment or self-esteem issues but sometimes they can be abusers. Or a bit of both- they may be genuinely needy (emotionally, that is) people but their issues can cause them to become very unstable and appear intimidating but can become stalkers and bunny boiler types. I would be very wary with this man, as you don't even know him.

But then am someone who is wary of men generally and I could never consider getting involved with a stranger. That's just me.

Some types like this play the arrogant card "You should be grateful I'm messaging etc" kind of thing, others of this type play the needy card and start going on about how lonely they are. Often it centres on how poor they are or how women have treated them badly etc Either way, it a drain and very annoying and intimidating.

@Macaroni46 my rules when I was online dating were...
I used the old fashioned rules for dating by Ellen fein and Sherrie shneider. They had four messages to ask for me for my number on the app and four more to ask me for a date or to talk on the phone. I never replied in less than 6 hours to anything and I only replied at lunchtimes or between 6 and 9. This weeded out a lot of lunatics, clingy types and men who were not serious about dating. Worked a charm. Met my husband within 7 months and had lots of very nice drinks and dinner dates in the process from some very chivalrous men. It's not for everyone but worked for me

Google lovebombing and avoid! Lots of rdd flags in his response.

*red

@Macaroni46, sound advice for anyone, and if they send a photo, ask how up to date it is.

I have my phone on silent at night. My ex and DS can contact me no one else. This person does not know your personal circumstances to know that you have your phone on alert. I would be pissed off to be awakened by an OTT person I hardly knew/ didn’t know! Him texting you, fair enough, he made a mistake. Maybe. His reaction to you challenging him? No. Step away. A lucky escape.

@Macaroni46

Run for the hills, he sounds unhinged and weird and obsessive and controlling.

And you have to be some kind of inconsiderate thoughtless selfish pillock to be texting at 4am. Who the fuck does that?

I reckon it's the same kind of twonk who, when they have to be up for work at 5.45 am, (to get there for 7.00am,) bangs about for all they're worth, slams doors, leaves the car engine running for 10 minutes, revs the car up as loud as possible as they drive off, and beeps the horn. Basically, this 'if I am up, every other fucker can get up too' attitude.

Or the sort of person who plays their music as loud as they can, and to hell with everyone else, or who starts DIY at 6.15am, and is still doing it at 11pm. So bloody selfish and thoughtless.

Anyone texting me at 4am will have their number blocked instantly. I have had a couple of people do it before, AND a couple of companies. Not bonkers enough to text at 4am, but texting at 6.30am and 7am. BLOCKED. All of them.

As someone said upthread, you wouldn't call someone's landline at 4am, so why text them at that time. Such a load of tosh to say it's 'not in real time.' Of course it bloody is... especially as some people keep their mobile phone by their bed.

And as a few posters have said, why should people keep their phone on silent, because of certain inconsiderate pillocks, who are arrogant and ignorant enough to send texts at 4am? And I agree with other posters that it is NOT easy to 'just drop off back to sleep!'

Oh and I have a landline, and many others I know have one too. Awful mobile phone signal here in the sticks, so I need one, and so do plenty of others. I get sick of this 'nobody has a landline now' bollocks people spout. Just because YOU don't have one, doesn't mean everyone else doesn't have one FGS!

And people can bore off with 'people sound hysterical' comments, just because someone thinks (QUITE RIGHTLY) that texting at 4am is ridiculous and inconsiderate and bloody rude. Especially as some people keep their mobile phone near to them in case of emergencies. Who the fuck wants to be woken by some inconsiderate, selfish pillock who can't wait til a reasonable time to send their text message?

Firstly, if someone texted me at 4am I’d be pissed too. And I’d have probably been snappy as well if I’d just been woken up!

Sorry but it wouldn’t even occur to me to send a text to someone at that time in the morning because I know there’s a chance I could wake them if they don’t have their phone on silent. So if I’m awake and have something to say, rather than chance it, I take the considerate option and leave sending the text until a reasonable hour the next morning. Unless it’s an emergency why do you need to send that text there and then? Why can’t it wait until a more sociable hour? Are people that impatient that they can’t be more considerate and wait a few more hours to send a non urgent text?

And as for his responses after and the barrage of messages since. Well I think it’s safe to say you’ve had a lucky escape! It’s quite clear he has glossed over the fact you’ve told him you’re no longer interested and is instead talking like you’re already an item. He sounds batshit.

@MistyCloud I agree!

No you are not unreasonable. I try never to message or text someone at antisocial hours because although I always have my phone on do not disturb, I know lots of people don't!

I think you're right. It's not so much the 4am message but his response... block him.

I used to put my phone on DND at night but once missed what I consider to be an emergency txt from my sis who was being abused. So a little consideration is required... don't DND after 12 am!

@browneyes77

Thank you. That was quite a rant I went on there. LOL.

Exactly. Why on earth DO people send texts at that time?! Most people are asleep (though I am sure someone will post and say most people they know are awake at that time!) In reality, the majority of people are asleep.

Such a batshit time to send a text to someone.

@MistyCloud Exactly!

I honestly don’t understand these people saying it’s up to you to ensure your phone is quiet.

What? So I have to switch my phone off or put it on DND just because someone else wants to be an inconsiderate twat? Nah.

What happened to manners?!

That’s called love bombing, I would run! He sounds like a narcissist.

Out of sheer interest, what country is he from or does he say he is from?!

DUMP HIM!!!!!!

At first I thought it was okay bc I have insomnia and sometimes I text or email then bc I am awake. I expect that people have their sound muted but I only do this for my sil and good friends.

HOWEVER! Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is his reply reasonable. His expectation that you oblige his heritage with disregard to your at this VERY early stage in your acquaintance is a red flag.

Please, please block him. He is trouble.

That is a bit full on given you barely know him, have only been speaking a short time and have never met in person. I agree that is not normal behaviour. Sounds like the sort of person who could become obsessive, controlling in future especially as he actually was dismissive of your need for normal social boundaries. And telling you that you should be grateful...? That actually sent a chill down my spine. Abusers, manipulative and controlling partners often try to make the victim feel bad for complaining about their bad behaviour or trying to get away, by claiming the victim should be grateful they care so much about them and that is why they are treating them that way .. no one else will love them like that...etc. It is a big red flag in my opinion. Give him a wide berth OP! NEXT!

Block block . Absolutely not for you

I assume you've already blocked him?! He sounds off his rocker.

I can only reiterate what others have said about Do Not Disturb also, I would never leave my sound on at night!