To think that messaging someone at 4am is unreasonable

[Macaroni46]

So I've started chatting to a guy online. He seems very keen. Lots of flowery language, you're so beautiful etc lol but literally had only been messaging a few hours.
Gets to around 11pm I say I'm going to sleep now. Lots of flowery night nights from him but finally the messages stop.
Fast forward to 4.15am. I'm fast asleep and am abruptly woken by a message on my phone. I panic and think something's up with the DC (early 20s) or my ageing dad who's had some health scares recently.
I reply to the guy saying why are you messaging me at this time, you've woken me up? He replies saying what's my problem and he only wanted to wish me a good morning. (Or words to that effect). He goes on to say I should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me and I should apologise for being short with him (I told him I was not happy about being woken up). Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message. I told him I didn't think so and that he'd disrespected my boundaries. I won't be continuing the conversation or meeting him as he sounds unhinged!
I'm now wide awake, fuming cos I'm awake and wondering, this isn't normal is it? I'm not unreasonable for being f'ing furious for being woken in the night (he argued that technically its morning) and for feeling creeped out?

you were unreasonable for complaining about the messaging - as others have said, you could easily take precautions to stop yourself being woken up.

This is what I find odd. That I have to 'take precautions' to ensure that I'm not woken up by someone else's inconsideration. I'm not sure why some people feel that what they have to say simply cannot wait until a more reasonable time. I just would not be that inconsiderate.

This thread has been a bit of an eye-opener.

am i the only person whose phone doesnt wake them up? i can wake up with 30 texts/whatsapps and i havnt woken. then again i need 6 alarms (in 5 minute intervals) to wake me up

I thought everyone knew the OLD red flags!

Spam/fake profile indicators:

1. The God Fearing Widowed Engineer (you’ve hit the jackpot here...obviously not all ‘widowed engineers’ are spammers, but when they include the words ‘god fearing’ in their profile...you’ve hit the jackpot!)

1. Oil Industry/Offshore as a job description...they’ll quickly be ‘stranded’ and require emergency funds.

1. Strange grammar...when the syntax is ‘off’. Easy to spot if your own grammatical knowledge is good. I guess more difficult if not. Most native English speakers can spot a subject/verb agreement though, and generally this is ‘off’ with OLD spammers.

1. Obviously, the VERY SECOND they ask for money, or even begin to suggest they are in some kind of ‘tricky situation’...run!

Keep it real! If it sounds too good to be true...it probably is 🤷‍♀️

Imo turning the phone off is better for the environment, less gradual wear on the battery, and less electricity needed to charge it all the time (and don't get me started on those who always have their phone on recharge no matter what! angry) Turning your phone off at night is good for the environment, good for your phone,

SarahNade Turning your phone off at night does nothing for its battery. The best way to treat your phone’s battery is to make sure it never drops below 30%. Partial and continual charging is better for the battery because it keeps the voltage at a minimum.

Furthermore, the “depth-of-discharge” has a similar effect on the total discharge cycles before battery capacity drops off. This refers to the amount the battery used up in between charges. Smaller discharges, in the region of 60 percent rather than 100 percent between refueling can double the lifespan of your battery, and only using 20 percent can double the life again.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.androidauthority.com/maximize-battery-life-882395/amp/

So no, turning it off is not good for your phone.

I stand corrected, @heartsonacake . Thanks for that link.

I still think turning it off at night is better for the environment and for sleep, however.

Then you have to accept what comes with that, FlamingoAndJohn.

Yes, I do. I’m a big grown up girl who can make my own choices thanks.

My phone is on charge at my bedside and I use it for my alarm clock. I also use it for notes if i cant get to sleep till 2am. Why should I have to stop using it in the late evening when I get home from work and just leave it to charge it up just for someone else's convenience? Why should anyone modify thier perfectly acceptable use of thier own phone to accomodate someone who doesn't think texting someone at 4am is ridiculous?
I am a bad sleeper and if I was woken at 4 then I would find it hard to go back to sleep. Why the hell is it my responsibility to stop idiots texting me in the middle of the night? Maybe people could modify thier own behaviour and consider others for a change?
Why don't they think "Hmm it's 4am not time for a chat?" Like most reasonable people would?

Honestly nothing is that important that it needs to be sent at 4am. If people are so keen on the wonderfully simple things they can do on thier phones while berating others for not using them maybe set a reminder for 8am to send the text? It's really simple I don't know why anyone hasn't thought to do it🤔

But hey I will do.what I want with my phone safe in the knowledge I won't get any unimportant texts at 4am. Everyone else will no doubt do the same. If I am hysterical to expect a modicum of consideration from friends then so be it.

WhereYouLeftIt

They ‘hysterical’ comments I was referring to are the multiple dramatic comments regarding someone daring to text someone at night. Texts aren’t ‘real time’. I’d understand being pissed off if someone called you in a non-emergency at night as the whole point of a call is the receiver has to answer there-and-then.
A text can be replied to literally whenever.

I still think turning it off at night is better for the environment and for sleep, however.

Well it doesn’t disturb my sleep and I don’t follow the environment argument.

Macaroni46 He sounds very intense. That level of emotional neediness would scare me, to be honest.

I still think turning it off at night is better for the environment and for sleep, however.

SarahNade How is it better for the environment?

And I don’t turn mine off; I have it on do not disturb. It has never affected my sleep.

Incase no one else has recommended it, take a look on Instagram for:

byefelipe

It documents awful OLD moments like this... I think making them into humour makes them less enraging/terrifying

I wouldn't mind as my phone is always on silent. My best friend often messages at 3am as she is night shift.

But HE would bother me. The love bombing thing is odd

I would say you were a bit short with him, yes he woke you up but he lives in another country, I would have set boundaries and said no more messages as I'm up early, I know you said I'm going to sleep but like others have said have do not disturb on. He could come across to much too soon also

He thinks you should be grateful for his inappropriate attention?

Wow

Block him and give it not another thought. Yikes.

Just a weirdo. Steer clear!

YABVU to suggest it's wrong to message at whatever time of night, but it would be wrong to call unless it's an emergency.

Maybe it's generational, but being older, I view texts the same as emails - or voice messages. It's up to me when I listen to them and respond. I turn my media sound down every evening to avoid being disturbed and I assume others do the same. People will phone in an emergency - not text.

My DD is horrified if I leave people unread (if I read their message and don't reply immediately). To younger people it's considered very rude (apparently). I can't get my head around this, as maybe I'm too busy to reply when I read it, but want to just see what the person wants. If it's just a friendly text about meeting up, and I'm busy, then I'll respond later. If it's a friend saying they were very depressed or that something bad had happened, then I'd drop everything and respond there and then, even if it's just to say I'm on my way to work, will text them asap and offer some brief but caring response in the short term until I can speak to them properly. Then I'd call them the second I left work, for example, not text.

People allow their phones to control them way too much these days. Answer if you want - if it's inconvenient, don't - they'll call back. If you don't want to be disturbed by messages but want to keep your phone on for potential emergency calls, then adjust settings accordingly. It's not hard.

As to the rest, well, not sure what to make of him. He seems a bit intense like others've said.

It’s a scam.

And as for using your phone as an alarm, surely there's a separate function to keep on the alarm whilst turning off media notifications. There is on mine and all the smart phones I've had.

For him to say... Good morning @Macaroni46, he must've been up or haven't gotten up for work?

As you didn't say, I can only guess.

Maybe he thought... As he was up and getting ready to go to work, he'd send you a message.

I personally when messaging my now fiancee, asked her what time she got up for work... Well before me!

So I'd send a delayed message for approx 15 mins before she'd leave for work. Admittedly we'd been chatting a couple days before I'd did that.

So I think if it's the case he sent this cos he was up for going to work, then you're being unreasonable.

If you'd.chatted for HOURS, then surely work came up, and times? You should have said... Now don't go getting any daft ideas to message me when you get up, I'll be fast asleep.

I mean most people put their phone on silent at night so it doesn't wake them up and would just wait until the morning but, I can understand with your dad you might want to have it available.

He sounds like a knob from the get go tbh... flouting on like you're a prize pig and thinks the only thing women want is compliment. Followed by a complete turn around when you're not grateful.

Nah, not for me. He's an insecure misogynist and I couldn't be arsed

Also communication should be open (able to say what you don't like or want such as early messages) not instantly shut down. It's doomed

Block that weirdo scary ..

Sounds like a scammer. Or at least very controlling.

I always switch my phone off when I go to bed - thought everybody did unless they were on call for work etc.