To be cross that childminder won’t take DD because I’m ill?

[Rainallnight]

DS had hand, foot and mouth recently. I have it just now. DD and DP seem perfectly fine.

Other parents have put pressure on our childminder, saying they’re worried about hand, foot and mouth because of DD (who is well!). Childminder has said she won’t take DD this week as a result.

I can absolutely see that people might be worried so close to Christmas, but I think not taking a kid who is perfectly well is really a bit much.

I think I’m just upset because I’ve been poorly, my DM is seriously ill, I’m behind on Christmas and we have zero family or any other support so my childminder is it. I think I feel a bit let down.

AIBU?

Well, I think you can see how the woman is placed, rotten though it is.

How do the other parents know you have it?

Childminder here

Although childminders are self employed and can therefore set their own rules this doesn’t seem at all fair to me. How far does that logic take her? If there’s a sickness bug at school will she not take kids from that school? I’d be looking for a new childminder if I was you. I’m not sure it is technically discrimination as being healthy isn’t a protected characteristic but I’d be tempted to start using words like that...

Unfortunately that's not how things work. If that's her policy then it will just lead to her clients being untruthful with her. You wouldn't expect a child to be off school because their sibling or parent was ill and they might catch it!

Also I’ve had HFM among my mindees twice now and never had it spread - good hand washing is vital as is removing the cross-contamination risk from things like hand towels (so each child has their own, or in my case I use small flannels as ‘one use’ towels)

Ask to see her sickness policy. It won't say she can refuse children if siblings are ill!

PHE say no exclusion for H,F&M. If you have a contract for her to provide childcare, and your child does not have an illness requiring exclusion, she's breaking your contract. I hope she's not charging you? Can you look elsewhere, presumably if she's breaking the contract, you don't need to give notice.

TBH, this is why I have always used nurseries, I cannot be doing with one person making up shit like this on a whim.

Nhs website says as long as a child feels well enough, they can go to school with hf&m.

So your child doesn't even have it and she's saying no? How utterly ridiculous. I could understand if she did, maybe.

Maybe she's worried your DD might be a carrier of the foot and mouth and pass it on to the other children she looks after. This is possible I had a family member with 3 DC one just a carrier the others had it. I do understand why she is refusing.
Hope you're all better by Christmas.

I’d find a new childminder or a nursery as this is ridiculous. I take it she’s not refusing to take the others if, for example, their dad has the flu or a school age sibling has a stomach bug?! Your DD is perfectly well therefore she should be fine to go.

The other parents know as a result of a mixture of her telling them, and hearing it from us. We’re (were!) friendly with one mum in particular, who seems to have got a bit overwrought, and sent me a text asking me if I knew how contagious it was.

A person could be very tempted to get a nanny...

Yes, Astrid, that’s precisely her worry.

Are you going to work?

Our nursery let our child go in with HFM, I believe they are not allowed to send a child home unless they are unwell eg distressed and fever.

I'd point this out and ask where in your contract it states they can exclude a child for family members being ill worh HFM. And ask since she is breaking the contract if she is going to compensate you for arranging alternative childcare or taking unpaid leave so close to Christmas.

Also apparently one of the reasons they dont exclude children from nursery etc is that it has a massive incubation period, like a number of weeks (up to 5 I think I remember reading) so if they are worried about Christmas it's a little late for that now anyway.

A person could be very tempted to get a nanny...

If you can afford this, then definitely.

IME if someone is daft about one issue, you'll be daft about others, and daftness when caring for my child isn't good enough.

Make sure you don't have to pay/give notice, though. Check your contract, she isn't offering you childcare as agreed, so she is breaking the contract, so you assume she is releasing you. Either she'll cop herself on, or you can get a nanny.

The thing is, it’s an incredibly awkward time to have a big row with her. She’s actually going away with us soon to a big family wedding to be an extra pair of hands, as I’ll be quite tied up in looking after my mum. So it would make for such an awkward trip to have a falling out.

So go to the wedding have words Afterwards
In meantime look for a nanny to replace the cm

That sounds like she may be financially planning what you're paying her for said trip?

I would be very nice, not row, but very firm.

"I've checked, and PHE rules for exclusion from childcare settings says none for H,F&M, and of course DD doesn't even HAVE H,F&M. If you are excluding DD for no reason, and against public health guidance, then that would make things very difficult. I guess I'd have to see it as you weren't wanting to provide childcare for us anymore..."

You could even be passive aggressive and blame DH, or your boss, or something. "My boss won't let me have time off, as PHE guidance says no exclusion, and so he says I have to arrange childcare. I really don't want to have to seek out another setting, especially with our trip, it would be so difficult, and obviously would hate to fall out, but my boss.... rock... hard place... No exclusion... you're being daft..."

Something like that?

It isn’t really a very serious illness in the vast majority of cases. What’s more the reason for not excluding at all from school/childcare/employment is that you remain potentially contagious for months afterwards. This is serious overkill. I think your CM has made a knee jerk reaction, refer her firmly but politely to the government advice and make and a stand.

CM is over reacting but I imagine she's feeling the pressure from other clients.

You can quote government/NHS guidelines all you want, they are just guidelines and if the CM doesn't want to take the child, she doesn't have to. It certainly is not discrimination 🙄

OP give notice and find a new CM if it's worth the hassle.

Why couldn’t the other child stay home? Both children are well.

when you say recently? How recently because you can have it more than once and reinfection each other?

My niece had HFM and it was awful.

Child minders kinda go by there own rules, get a nanny and have a clear sickness policy

You will always get a few people on here insisting HFM is serious/nasty.

A common cold landed my DD in intensive care on a ventilator last month. Anything can have exceptional cases where it's more severe. HFM is generally not a serious illness.

The national guidelines are that HFM does not require exclusion. Your CM is being wildly excessive, as are the other parents.

YANBU. If she insists & you need her in the near future it may be hard to force her to take her but absolutely do not pay her for the time & find someone else going forward. People must vote with their feet, childcare providers can be bonkers about illness exclusions although nurseries are usually worse than CMs.

This is ridiculous. Is she charging you for this week? How long until the wedding?

This is utterly ridiculous. My DDs nursery don’t even have an exclusion policy for HFM.