To be cross that childminder won’t take DD because I’m ill?

[Rainallnight]

DS had hand, foot and mouth recently. I have it just now. DD and DP seem perfectly fine.

Other parents have put pressure on our childminder, saying they’re worried about hand, foot and mouth because of DD (who is well!). Childminder has said she won’t take DD this week as a result.

I can absolutely see that people might be worried so close to Christmas, but I think not taking a kid who is perfectly well is really a bit much.

I think I’m just upset because I’ve been poorly, my DM is seriously ill, I’m behind on Christmas and we have zero family or any other support so my childminder is it. I think I feel a bit let down.

AIBU?

@MrsBricks would you ask someone not to bring their child in who was perfectly well, but whose sibling had an illness that isn't even one that the NHS / PHE state require exclusion? That's the question here.

@sausagedogsoftheworldunite yes, this close to Christmas I would certainly ask.

Since you're at home anyway why not keep your children home and not risk spreading it?

Presumably because she is paying for childcare for the healthy child. If the childminder isn't charging then fine.

Totally ridiculous. Is your cm aware that hfm can be potentially contagious for 4-8 weeks after the symptoms have cleared because it can shed in the feces for that length of time? Is she going to exclude every child who catches it for up to 2 months on the off chance that they might pass it on??

H F&M all round our primary at the moment. CM doesn’t have a leg to stand on - maybe you’ve gotten a bit too close to her? It’s hard with these sorts of caring relationships.

I reckon you’re going to have to suck it up for now due to wedding but the other parents should’ve been managed by her, she should’ve explained your dd is well and there is a policy in place.

You ought not to pay either...as your dd isn’t sick and your CM hasn’t provided agreed childcare.

Yes the fact she’s bowed to pressure from other parents sets a bad precedent. So many things are passed round by kids or really is part of the gig.

This is ridiculous. I assume she’s given in to pressure from the other parents.
DS (11 months) had it recently. My DD’s (6 and 4) didn’t catch it from him. I’d have been upset if they were excluded from anywhere as their brother was ill.
These same children are surely at risk of catching it from your DD at school anyway, if she did have it?
NHS clearly states you don’t exclude for hand, foot and mouth. And your DD is perfectly well.

So is she still expecting you to pay for these days or is the childminder taking a hit close to Christmas?

Because as I see it your dd is well enough to attend and unless there is some clause in the contract saying otherwise I don't think the childminder gets to decide that.

I would compose a message or email something in writing, saying that you are disappointed by the decision made and that your child's health has been discussed with other families that you will not be paying for the days as your child is well enough to attend and through no fault of your own you are now having to sort alternative arrangements. That as someone caring for a unwell relative you hope the same rule will be enforced when other children have a unwell relative at home they will also be told to stay away.

None of this helps you now unless she realises that this is the way madness lies but I think it needs saying. She is running a business she isn't your friend as for the upcoming wedding I assume she is coming to isn't a favour it's a paid job she is doing for you.

I would be more upset that she has disclosed about any illness to other people, that is way beyond the line and surely breaches data protection. It would make me query her judgement and professionalism.

She may not have disclosed that it is OP's child. I always let my families know if a mindee has been poorly so they can be on the look out for any symptoms. I always say "one of the children has come down with" I never give a name.
I would never have made the decision she has though. Utter madness to exclude a healthy child! Also unprofessional to let the other parents pressure her into making a business decision....it will come back to bite her in the arse!

childcare providers can be bonkers about illness exclusions although nurseries are usually worse than CMs.

Not in my experience. Nurseries tend to follow the PHE/NHS guidelines, and it would be difficult for them to justify breaching contract by excluding your child outside those guidelines. CMs tend to be more 'my way or the highway', which when it's my kids, and I'm paying for a service, I CBA with. For example, MrsBricks saying she would end the contract if OP tried to send her child in (i.e. use the service the CM has contractually agreed to provide!). I CBA with stupidity. H, F &M is usually a mild illness, and exclusion is not recommended, and OP's child is not even unwell!

I'd be checking her contract and then pointing out the discrepancy. It's irrelevant that she's some sort of childminding legend in the area if she's dicking you around. And presumably the wedding thing you've booked her for is money she wants or needs.

This is similar to headlice or a cold. Contagious, a PITA. But a childminder can't exclude for it. And this child doesn't even have it!

You don't have to fall out. Just stand your ground and be firm. If she chooses to stand her ground, then the contract is over, as MrsBricks would do. Find someone else for the wedding.

Child minders kinda go by there own rules, get a nanny and have a clear sickness policy

This is untrue. Good childminders also have clear policies.

Do you have a contract with her OP? Check it for clauses.

She is being very unreasonable. Your child isn’t even sick and even if she was still poorly, PHE don’t recommend exclusion as other have said. How far does she take this enforced quarantine.

Child A’s brother has chicken pox. Would she exclude child A who shows no signs?

Child B’s mother has been vomiting. Would she exclude child B?

Child C’s sister looks like she has a very heavy cough and the parents are gossiping about whether she is carrying something...

If you take her stance to other examples, she’ll no longer have a viable business because the children will always be excluded.

Very unreasonable and there's no way you should pay her for this week. Have a word with her about discussing your child with other parents as that is unacceptable.

Parents dont really like tending to their sick child, knowing they might get a dose of the same, but all parents have to, people that work unless in nursing, shouldn't have to risk spreading a bug to other people. Your childminder can't really isolate themselves in your house, they have to by definition move to other places where not just one child is involved, but multiple. YABU

Do you think it's possible that she is refusing to take your child as she has promised her place to another child on a short term basis? She may have assumed that your DV would contract HF&M and assumed she could get away with double booking for a day or 2?

More likely that it's the week before Christmas, the childminder doesn't want her children to get ill, the other families don't want to get ill, and as the OP isn't working they are all hoping she will agree to reduce the risk of it spreading.

In what universe is excluding perfectly healthy children an acceptable practice? Have a think for a minute about where that kind of approach might take us if adopted across the board.

If it was smallpox I might understand but HFM is not that big a deal. To the extent that children who actually have it don’t need to be excluded if they feel well.

Your CM is ridiculous. As are the posters backing her up on this thread.

Have I misunderstood?

She has told other parents your other child is/was ill!

I would be absolutely livid if a professional was discussing my families' health with a stranger!! Absolutely raging!!

As I understand it the other parents are complaining/texting because she told them???

Omg if I've read that correctly I'd get rid of her ASAP. I'd hate for her to be gossiping about the wedding!

I really feel for you OP. If you're under the weather as it is, and juggling care of your sick DS and DM, and the whole Christmas craziness on top of it all, this must feel crap.

I can kinda see the points she and some PPs have raised but not really. She should take DD; and if she wants to exclude on the basis of sickness, she needs to have that clearly articulated in a policy.

On a side note, the thing about getting sick for Christmas, of course I understand most people don't want DC sick over Christmas but as a single parent of 3, working f/t, I often hope that if they are going to get sick, that they do so over Christmas, as I think 'ok, 2 weeks to deal with it'. Trying to manage work when they are sick is really really hard when you have no back-up.

My son's preschool did this when my older son caught chicken pox.

Chicken pox has an exclusion period, though. Hand, foot and mouth doesn't.

Your pre-school were wrong to exclude a child who wasn't sick, of course, but the illnesses are not the same. This is more like a cold.

What would this CM be like if your child had molloscum?! The other parents may well freak, and it's contagious, but no exclusion needed.