To be cross that childminder won’t take DD because I’m ill?

[Rainallnight]

DS had hand, foot and mouth recently. I have it just now. DD and DP seem perfectly fine.

Other parents have put pressure on our childminder, saying they’re worried about hand, foot and mouth because of DD (who is well!). Childminder has said she won’t take DD this week as a result.

I can absolutely see that people might be worried so close to Christmas, but I think not taking a kid who is perfectly well is really a bit much.

I think I’m just upset because I’ve been poorly, my DM is seriously ill, I’m behind on Christmas and we have zero family or any other support so my childminder is it. I think I feel a bit let down.

AIBU?

I’m guessing she feels quite comfortable refusing because she knows she has a waiting list she can fill if you leave. Perhaps she doesn’t want HFM for Christmas (although I’d expect her odds of getting it to be very low since I’d assume she has been exposed before).

This does set a precedent for her to refuse to care for your children over all kinds of things in the future and whilst I know you say she is very good but actually I’m going to disagree because I don’t think this is what a good childminder does.

What would this CM be like if your child had molloscum?! The other parents may well freak, and it's contagious, but no exclusion needed

Laughing all to way to the bank. My son had that and it lasted at least six months. If she excluded for that and insisted on payment...well you'd find another childminder wouldn't you.

I believe it can be dangerous to pregnant women? So maybe she's thinking it's best for her other clients that she minimises the risk?

YANBU at all, and I speak as a childminder myself. There is no way I would exclude a child on the basis that someone in their household was sick! Over the last few weeks, D&V and colds have been rife and I know that some of my children's siblings and classmates have been ill but you just have to use good hygiene and keep everything crossed that nothing spreads. If she really does insist on you staying away, that is her request and you shouldn't have to pay for it.

Another childminder here. Nope I wouldn't exclude a well child despite siblings illness.

I'd just look for new childcare after the wedding (or before as if you get a nanny they might come to the wedding with you?) but I wouldn't pay her for this week unless it's in the contract that a healthy child has to stay away on full pay as parent is ill.

Your childminder is being massively unfair, surely that's not her policy? I understand the parents' concerns, totally. So it's up to them to make the decision whether to keep THEIR child from the childminders, not the other way round. I've kept DS off nursery too close to Christmas, not just because I want to spend time with him but to avoid illnesses too!

If a family has 2 or 3 other kids, a CM could have one exclusion or another on many days per year

If she intends this, it should be spelled out clearly in her contract

• and she should certainly give a refund if she refuses a healthy child

It’s not contagious for months afterwards

@Rainallnight

Sorry if you already answered but are you being charged or not?

When my DD had HFM you could barely tell, and the nursery did not exclude her. They are being ridiculous. Presumably the CM is happy to lose your business if she is being so silly.

How long ago did she have it?

In one setting that I worked in, we would have a ten day to two week exclusion policy for HFM.

I think there’s more to this.

She wouldn’t miss out on this cash because of that reason.

It's my guess that one of the other parents is in the early stages of pregnancy or there's an immune-compromised child there, which would be the only reason I might ask the parent of a well child to quarantine them - and I'd ask, not tell.

Surely you'd explain though?

Op told the other family as well, is there any chance one of the other mums is pregnant?

This is a bit ridiculous. My youngest has HFM at the moment. The school arent refusing to take my 5 year old, me and DH are still going to work. Even playgroup have said it's fine for her to attend tomorrow even though as long as shes feeling fine in herself.

It’s not contagious for months afterwards

Eh, yes it can be in some cases, like I already said. It can be she'd through the feces for up to 8 weeks after the blisters have gone.

Source:
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/24406235/

Tbh I think if one of the other parents is pregnant then the onus is really on them to keep their child out if they're worried about infection.

shed

Surely you'd explain though?

I might not be able to, if the other parent had asked for confidentiality. I wouldn't insist, though. I'd be asking, not telling.
On the face of it, it does seem strange and, if this childminder is so highly regarded, I agree with ineedaweeinpeace that there's more to it.

I would take it on the chin gracefully this time but make the reasonable point that it seems impractical to bar anyone who may have come into contact with a contagious illness and ask her to clarify her policy. I think this is the understandable 'don't want to be ill for Christmas' hysteria.

It does seem a bit ridiculous on the face, however I think this is one of the things where you can be contagious a few days before is it?? If it is then she’s probably thinking of the majority and herself and her own kids so close to Xmas. Isn’t it worse if you get it as an adult also? She doesn’t want it does she!

I don’t think she’d do it if it wasn’t close to Xmas. Obviously you shouldn’t pay her, but she’s surely not charging you is she??

Hope you are all ok for Xmas. We’ve had 7 weeks of 1 or all of us being ill so I know how you feel.

And schools are very different, unfortunately the pressure on attendance figures is forcing them to be less stringent than they really should be with infection control.

@FairyJuice that’s correct (also the same for CMV) but it’s in fairly small amounts the likelihood of another child coming into contact with enough of viral load for infection is low.

Perhaps the child minder should stop work and stay well hidden indoors - just in case - she might - get a virus!!!!!