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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross that childminder won’t take DD because I’m ill?

128 replies

Rainallnight · 17/12/2019 22:48

DS had hand, foot and mouth recently. I have it just now. DD and DP seem perfectly fine.

Other parents have put pressure on our childminder, saying they’re worried about hand, foot and mouth because of DD (who is well!). Childminder has said she won’t take DD this week as a result.

I can absolutely see that people might be worried so close to Christmas, but I think not taking a kid who is perfectly well is really a bit much.

I think I’m just upset because I’ve been poorly, my DM is seriously ill, I’m behind on Christmas and we have zero family or any other support so my childminder is it. I think I feel a bit let down.

AIBU?

OP posts:

LaurieMarlow · 18/12/2019 07:17

That’s crazy. Exclusion is not necessary, even if the child has it.

What does her sickness policy say?

Poorolddaddypig · 18/12/2019 07:42

Sorry but YABU - hand-foot-And-mouth is extremely contagious and people can spread it before they’re even showing symptoms. I’d be upset if I sent my DC to a childminder who WOULD accept the sibling of someone with a contagious illness which my kids could pick up right before Christmas.

Poorolddaddypig · 18/12/2019 07:44

I’m a teacher (not in UK) and was given a week off work when my son had it as it spreads so easily and I could have been contagious even without knowing I was even sick if I had picked it up

Quartz2208 · 18/12/2019 07:44

What does your contract say denying a healthy child a place is awful.

I would say fine you understand please send back the money for this week as she has broken the terms

Teateaandmoretea · 18/12/2019 07:49

That is absolutely and utterly ridiculous, you cannot exclude a child who is perfectly well. It is also baffling that with the number of people with that vile tummy bug anyone would worry about hand foot and mouth. I realise occasionally someone will have it badly but the majority of the time it's just a couple of spots on the hands and legs.

Molly2016 · 18/12/2019 07:54

In fairness, my DN got HFM from nursery and her mum also then got it, resulting in time off work and her DD off nursery. I can understand why the other parents would be worried.
Having said that, children get exposed to all sorts of bugs in every environment they enter. If you have your child in a care setting of any nature there will be exposure.
Personally, I’d ask to see her illness policy and then point out she’s not adhering to it. You can challenge her gently without it turning into a massive row.
FWIW we were asked not to attend a birthday party recently because my DD had eczema on her face and another mum through it was HFM. It wasn’t. People just get hysterical about these things.

Thislife2018 · 18/12/2019 07:55

Hang on SHE told the parents about an illness in your family?

Surely that’s a breach of data protection?

As a minimum you’d never want to tell her anything confidential again in case she gossips!

She’s handled this very poorly and would be getting a strongly worded letter from me!

LeGrandBleu · 18/12/2019 07:55

@Rainallnight is she charging you for the week she isn''t taking your DD?

CakeandCustard28 · 18/12/2019 07:57

She’s handled it poorly, she shouldn’t be telling her other clients about an illness in your family. I’d be looking for a new childminder after the wedding if you can’t find anyone else before that.

DivGirl · 18/12/2019 08:14

Find a new childminder. DS's nursery doesn't even exclude for HFM.

IlsSortLaPlupartAuNuitMostly · 18/12/2019 08:17

That is bonkers. If it was slapped cheek and the other mum was pregnant then I’d forgive them for paranoia, but HFM is not much more risky than a cold. If CM is going to exclude any child where any family member has had any illness at all then she’s going to have a very easy life for the short time before everybody leaves.

LolaSmiles · 18/12/2019 08:36

This is the NHS guidance:

Keep your child off school or nursery while they're feeling unwell.
But as soon as they're feeling better, they can go back to school or nursery. There's no need to wait until all the blisters have healed.
Keeping your child off for longer is unlikely to stop the illness spreading.

She isn't even unwell. I'm not sure it's reasonable to refuse to offer a service because someone else in the family has been unwell.

The silly thing is I can just imagine the people who are weighing in on your well daughter and pushing the childminder on this would be the people who'd ignore the 48 hour S&D rule at nursery and school because they have so much to do and have to work and their child seems fine.

Original poster

Rainallnight · 18/12/2019 09:06

I’ve woken up really furious about this!

Yes, good point about her telling the other parents.

The thing is, she’s normally amazing, and very, very highly sought after. People come up to me all the time wanting to know if she has spaces and she’s sort of famous in our area. She has been super. So we wouldn’t take the decision to leave lightly. But I do feel very let down.

And the point about about other families potentially having illnesses really resonates with me - maybe I’d like to be informed if someone has D&V??

I’m not in work at the moment as I’m on leave with DS. So I think she (and all the other parents) might think I’m a slightly soft touch as it’s not like I now have to stay off work or anything. But I am on my knees for other reasons, and did feel as though I needed a bit of a break with just one DC at home.

OP posts:

Lizzie0869 · 18/12/2019 09:06

If the CM is as paranoid as this, she really should think about finding another job. Working parents will lose patience very quickly if they regularly have to find alternative childcare arrangements for this kind of reason.

And I would be very annoyed about her gossiping to other parents about me behind my back. Very unprofessional.

Lizzie0869 · 18/12/2019 09:16

Okay, I've seen your update. I suppose her response is more understandable if you're at home with your other DS, but obviously you have every reason to feel let down by her. My DD1 (10) goes to a CM 2 afternoons after school to make things easier for me, as she lashes out violently at home and previously I was unable to cop with having both DDs at home after school every day.

But, as she's been very good up until now, I'd probably let this one go.

dottiedodah · 18/12/2019 09:18

I see your point here but HFM is very contagious, and the Childminder is probably worried about contamination so close to Christmas! If you get along well and she is sought after I would let it go TBH.At home can you just have a morning of Peppa Pig on TV ,or a gentle stroll to the park ? If you need her for the upcoming wedding best to keep her I think!

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 18/12/2019 09:24

To those saying HFM is highly contagious, it’s contagious for months after you have it. That’s why there is no exclusion period. It’s entirely pointless. There is literally no logic at all to keeping a child off who is well.

BlueJava · 18/12/2019 09:27

I'm going against the grain here but I can see her point. She is trying to protect other families from being ill, and I guess with Christmas being next week other are naturally worried about DCs/themselves being ill. I think it's reasonable of her to say no in this instance. Sorry OP and I hope you all feel better soon.

MrsBricks · 18/12/2019 09:31

I do think it's a bit extreme to exclude a healthy child because a family member is ill...

However, I also think you could be a bit more community-minded - obviously no other family wants to get HFM the week before Christmas! Since you're at home anyway why not keep your children home and not risk spreading it?

How would you really feel if you sent your DD in and all the other children had a miserable Christmas with HFM?

roses2 · 18/12/2019 09:31

Don't be a push over - your child is not ill so should not be excluded!

Send your child in and do a head tilt if she tries to challenge you when you arrive. "But DD is not ill so why is she being excluded?".

No way would I accept this even if the child minder was highly sought after and amazing. You are paying her for a job and she is not delivering.

MrsBricks · 18/12/2019 09:33

@roses2 - I am a childminder and if a parent tried to send their child in when I asked them not to, head tilt or not, I would be ending our contract.

Original poster

Rainallnight · 18/12/2019 09:33

MrsBricks I don’t think anyone is being particularly community minded towards me by ganging up and deciding a mum going through a hard time should be denied childcare because of her perfectly healthy child.

OP posts:

Shelby2010 · 18/12/2019 09:34

I hope she’s not planning on changing you?

MrsBricks · 18/12/2019 09:36

@Rainallnight - childminder is thinking about all her families rather than just you though.

I do agree it is a bit extreme to exclude a healthy child, but this close to Christmas and if you weren't working anyway, I would certainly be offering you a refund for the week and asking you to be considerate of my children/other families Christmas.

Floofboopsnootandbork · 18/12/2019 09:36

MrsBricks but those same children have the potential to catch it from the OPs DD at school anyway.

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