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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross that childminder won’t take DD because I’m ill?

128 replies

Rainallnight · 17/12/2019 22:48

DS had hand, foot and mouth recently. I have it just now. DD and DP seem perfectly fine.

Other parents have put pressure on our childminder, saying they’re worried about hand, foot and mouth because of DD (who is well!). Childminder has said she won’t take DD this week as a result.

I can absolutely see that people might be worried so close to Christmas, but I think not taking a kid who is perfectly well is really a bit much.

I think I’m just upset because I’ve been poorly, my DM is seriously ill, I’m behind on Christmas and we have zero family or any other support so my childminder is it. I think I feel a bit let down.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Awkward1 · 18/12/2019 16:06

Yanbu
Cant exclude well dc. Though have to say if d&v it would make more sense than the 48h for the kid who is already ill.

Hfm isnt good in pregnancy.
Also an enterovirus so can make you sick -dc1 was. Can be pretty nasty, it was. High fever and really knocked her immune system for a year. Also most serious - linked to T1 diabetes.
But others with what seems like d&v or a cold might actually have hfm. It's contagious period is long. And most adults will be immune. Neither of us caught it. There are also several strains.
I think though if it were d&v and dc was well but other ill and i were at home i might keep them off this close to xmas. But it does seem people are purting too much pressure on perfection. Kids get ill all year round.
Though i would say in terms of nhs gps are shut over xmas and a&e very busy so more of a concern than just ruining xmas with d&v.

If concerned about a well contagious? Child unfortunately i think anyone pg or immunocompromised even child, that child should be kept off. As the well one may never get it or may have already had it.
Sadly i think it's probably better to get most things youngish and then you wont be off school all the time. (Though colds are another matter as you can end up with tonsillitis and constant issues but gain no immunity).
If hfm turns out to be a main cause of diabetes maybe there will be a vax developed.

Greyhound22 · 18/12/2019 16:18

Are you still paying?

I'd be a bit cross to be honest. Where does it end? Does she check daily which children have been into contact with someone ill? They would never be there.

I had H,F and M and it wasn't that bad - it's like anything isn't it - DS had chicken pox and it wasn't pleasant but fairly mild - DNephew had it and ended up in hospital.

Original poster
Rainallnight · 18/12/2019 17:14

Sorry for the delay, have been offline (minding 2 kids, obvs!).

To answer some questions...she didn’t mention money in her text. She likes to be paid weekly in arrears so I’m just not going to pay this week.

You’re all going to absolutely flame me for this and say, ‘well, what did you expect?’, but there is no contract. None of the parents have one, and she’s never had one with any of her parents. I know you’re all going to think this is absolutely bonkers. (And maybe this kind of flim flammery is the result).

For people asking what else could be behind it, I genuinely can’t think of anything. She’s going away on quite a big trip over Christmas so probably doesn’t want to be ill herself.

Another mum could well be pregnant. All the other kids are onlies so far, and all aged 2 or 3, so right kind of age for a second.

OP posts:
Foodtheif · 18/12/2019 17:19

@Awkward1 where have you seen that it’s a link to type 1 diabetes? I’d be very interested to read this research.

MyOtherProfile · 18/12/2019 17:21

No contract? Is she actually registered? Isn't it a requirement to have contracts? I wonder where that leaves her insurance and Ofsted wise.

MyOtherProfile · 18/12/2019 17:23

I don't think HFM is linked to type 1 except that I've heard of people getting T1 after HFM - not caused by the HFM but both being an indication that the immune system is compromised.

Foodtheif · 18/12/2019 17:33

My non type 1 had hand foot and mouth but I’m trying to remember if my type 1 did. I don’t think she did.

1FootInTheRave · 18/12/2019 17:37

Get a new cm.

Instagrump · 18/12/2019 18:00

According to the NHS, HF&M doesn't have any illness exclusion requirement. There is no requirement for them to stay off school or a childminder's. My own kids had it and I didn't know for days. I didn't realise what the couple of spots were until a school mum was talking about her D.C. having it. They still went into school.

OP, your CM is being ridiculous and I would be making sure not to pay for any days missed for this reason.

To be cross that childminder won’t take DD because I’m ill?
Foldingstars07 · 18/12/2019 18:12

I say this as an ex CM, CM is being unreasonable.
To have no contracts is a major no no. My child minding insurer would not cover me without contracts.
Please find a new CM or nanny.

TheFuzzyStar · 18/12/2019 18:14

My kids went to school with it, most places allow it. Hope you’re doing ok, I had it at Christmas 4 years ago and was really ill with it, ended up losing most of my nails and the skin on my hands and feet came off 😳

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/12/2019 18:16

She doesn't give contracts? Wonder what Ofsted would say about that. Do you have her Ofsted registration number?

BertieDrapper · 18/12/2019 18:28

HF & M is horrible. My DD has had it twice and both times she was sick every few days for months!!!

When she had the spots we kept her off from childminders, and then every time she was sick she would have to miss 48hrs at the childminders - and we'd have to take time off work also. Even though she, in herself was absolutely fine.

So I can understand anyone not wanting their kids to get it! If I hear any suggestion that someone has it, we avoid like the plague!

That being said, we would not expect our CM to refuse to care for someone who no longer has spots, feels well! That would be ridiculous. We choose to send her to childminders, it's the risk you take.

If a parent doesn't want their kid potentially getting ill around Christmas then they should pull their kid out. Not force a healthy child out! I can't believe the childminder has gone along with it!!!

SoniasTrumpet · 18/12/2019 19:16

No contract? How is she so shit hot if she's so slack with paper work? Is she Ofsted registered?

I'd be pissed off tbh as people have already said, it's not your kid who is ill. So many viruses around at the moment. She could catch a virus or cold just popping to Tesscos. And as others have mentioned, other people should not know your family stuff.

Crunchymum · 18/12/2019 20:31

How do you pay her? If you say cash I'm going to combust.

Lizzie0869 · 18/12/2019 20:34

Our DD1 (10) is with a CM as I said earlier. We had to sign a contract with her; I can't believe your CM doesn't do that! It does seem very strange. Is she Ofsted registered or not?

I also find it very weird that your CM would be discussing the health of other children she's looking after. We have no idea about the health of the other children our CM is looking after, it's none of our business.

Besides, at this time of year, there are so many viruses around, which our DC could pick up at school. The fuss that's made about it these days is ridiculous.

Pinkblueberry · 18/12/2019 20:39

So I can understand anyone not wanting their kids to get it! If I hear any suggestion that someone has it, we avoid like the plague!

My DS had it quite bad, but sometimes it can be mild. Obviously you want to avoid, but going to extreme lengths like the childminder seems pretty futile and pointless - it’s like trying to avoid chicken pox. There are two or three strands of it and you’re unlikely to get it more than twice. It’s a childhood illness that most kids will get at some point - it’s very contagious and you’re just as likely to catch it randomly from soft play or a shopping trolley.

Pinkblueberry · 18/12/2019 20:43

You’re all going to absolutely flame me for this and say, ‘well, what did you expect?’, but there is no contract.

Well yeah... sorry but I don’t see how anyone can trust their child in the hands of someone in a professional setting who doesn’t even put a basic contract in place. Are they even registered??

Thehop · 18/12/2019 20:46

No contract???? So she’s uninsured at best, likely unregistered too! No wonder she’s bloody famous!!!

This is RIDICULOUS! If there’s an accident she can’t get emergency care for your child!

Smurf123 · 18/12/2019 20:54

Could cm be pregnant? When I worked as a substitute teacher I got about 6 weeks cover for a pregnant teacher whos nursery class kept getting it one after the other. Due to pregnancy she wasnt allowed near the class.

MrsBricks · 18/12/2019 21:28

@Thehop "If there’s an accident she can’t get emergency care for your child!"
Of course she can! Do you think the paramedics will want to see a childcare contract before doing CPR?

Ofsted don't have any rules about contracts and they don't regulate contract disputes.
I don't actually remember my insurance provider asking anything about whether I have written contracts either?

Though saying that OP, obviously you know it's ridiculous to be paying money for childcare without any formal agreement in place, as things like this can happen! I can't see the childminder is actually under any obligation to care for your child on a particular week if she doesn't feel like it.

Croprotationinthe14thcentury · 18/12/2019 21:53

I'm an Ofsted registered childminder - who has contracts with all the parents of my mindees fyi! It's not an Ofsted requirement to have contracts in place, it is regarded as good practice though. All cm's I know use them. I wouldn't pay her op. Taking the complete Mickey in my opinion and gives childminders a bad rep.

defaultusername · 18/12/2019 22:31

No contract. Ah. Well, that changes everything. Bonus is not notice period.

Do you really think a childminder who cannot manage a contract is managing to be organised enough to give good care?

Thehop · 18/12/2019 23:02

That’s an excellent point @MrsBricks, my apologies. It’s so ridiculous I may have gone a bit pearl clutchy.

ittakes2 · 22/12/2019 19:09

When I had hand foot and mouth as an adult the doctor quarantined me at home and said I couldn’t leave the house for a week.