Using fork in right hand, knife in left..

[AG29]

I am aware it’s meant to be the other way round but I feel most comfortable with my fork in right hand and knife in left. The opposite feels uncomfortable and I was never taught any different growing up. It’s never caused me too many problems. I generally have good table manners.

My OH’s mum is a bit of a nightmare in general. If we eat there (not often thankfully but Christmas next week). She has told me to swap hands before but I don’t feel comfortable that way. To the point I avoid eating there as much as possible. OH reminds me to eat with fork in left if we are going over there too and I’m sick of being spoke to like a child.

Aibu to think they should just leave it be? Does it really matter. It’s not like I’m eating with my bloody hands!

To be absolutely honest this really bothers me and I've no idea why. I know it shouldn't and would prefer it didnt but it does. A family member does it but it isnt just a case of swapping hands - they, seemingly as a result of using their non dominant hand to cut, end up eating cack handed and dropping food as they eat. It isnt helped by them eating with their fork upturned rather than down so they can't actually eat as easily with knife and fork (fine for those dishes where the fork is used upturned - I'm talking about where cutting up food like when eating a roast, and they use the fork upturned whilst trying to cut). I do get bothered by things like eating odd numbers of coloured sweets though so I'm probably unusual! I teach my kids to eat with their cutlery the conventional way even if they don't do it all the time as there may be some social circumstances where they could be seen as lacking etiquette if they don't so I'd rather they are at least able. I get that it shouldn't matter.

If you get that it doesn't matter then why not tell your kids it doesn't matter? Explain that it only 'matters' to a tiny percentage of people who actually can't explain why it's considered 'bad manners' when people hold their cutlery in a way that feels comfortable/natural to them.

And perhaps explain that keeping their eyes on their own plates instead of other people's, is far better manners.

If you get that it doesn't matter then why not tell your kids it doesn't matter?

Well on a personal level I would say that.

But there are people out there who do think it matters and they might have influence over my child's future or could leave them open to embarrassment.

Neither I nor my child have the ability to change their views or their influence. So I prepare them for how the world is, not how I'd like it to be.

explain that keeping their eyes on their own plates instead of other people's, is far better manners.

Well obviously. I don't think anyone has said any different.

I have to say as a left hander I’m not mad about the term ‘cack handed’.

I agree that it shouldn’t matter. And going on about it is crass in the extreme. But there are people who notice and judge. They are largely arseholes. But they may be useful arseholes.

My point is that the percentage of useful arseholes is so tiny as to be negligible. Why bother keeping up this pointless prejudice?

The only possible reason that's been given to why eating left-handed could be problematic, is that we might bump elbows with the person next to us when dining in very close proximity. That's all there is. Daft isn't it?

In which case, it's not really a case of bad manners. It's much more a "rules is rules" attitude, really. I'd rather call out these "jobsworths", than mollify a "useful arsehole". But your mileage may differ.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll
I might be being unfair here, but you remind me of those Brits who go to Spain and then complain about 'rude' Spaniards speaking Spanish in their own country - have they never been taught correct etiquette that English is the 'polite' language?!

Couldn't be further from the truth actually - anyone who goes to a non speaking English country and acts all surprised and/or outraged that people are shock, horror speaking their own language in their own country is a knob

I have to say as a left hander I’m not mad about the term ‘cack handed’

Yes that jumped out at me, too.

And I think that poster's point is a different one, the person is holding the fork in such a way that they make a mess. But most people don't.

My point is that the percentage of useful arseholes is so tiny as to be negligible

See, I don’t agree with this. In particular within certain sections of society. And just because people aren’t saying it, doesn’t mean they aren’t noticing it.

For example, my boss absolutely would notice.

He’s not an arsehole and he wouldn’t dream of saying anything and it certainly wouldn’t consciously discriminate or anything.

But would it be a subconscious factor when it came to appointing someone to role where client entertaining was important? Possibly. I wouldn’t rule that out.

If Mrs John Smith or John Smith Esq. were in a position to offer my child a job they wanted, then I would want said child to know the “proper” way so they could decide whether or not to use it.

I'm not talking about the person offering the job, though. Are you really saying that you'd have no problem if your married daughter introduced herself as Lisa Smith, the employer noticed her wedding ring and asked what her husband's name was, and then gave her a contract, a badge to wear at all times and a sign on her door, all saying 'Mrs John Smith'?

If this would be fine with you, how far would you expect her to kowtow to her treasured employer's 'requirements'? Stiletto heels and full make-up at all times? Make sure you show a bit of leg as 'our older pervy wealthier clients like that'? You can be in charge of keeping the kitchen clean and making all the tea, as it's nice to have a woman's touch?

I just think that some people, however important they are or believe themselves to be, need to accept other people's boundaries and realise that you can buy a person's professional services but you cannot buy the person themselves. Power, wealth and prominence shouldn't be a controlling get-out-of-jail-free card, as a certain prince may have recently discovered.

I realise that this might seem like a huge jump, but it isn't really. Once you start letting another person dictate that you hold your cutlery or your pen in a way that is very uncomfortable for you, just because they believe it to be 'the correct way' and have decided they will take personal offence and/or get upset at your not putting yourself out and jumping to their tune, where do you set your limits?

When I was at school I was made to use my fork in my left hand which was so unnatural to me and made eating lunch very difficult, the worst part was that they used to sit me at the end of the table and have a lunch monitor stand and watch me to make sure I didn't switch them around. I used to be in tears as I was so embarrassed and made to feel ashamed about the way I ate, this was in middle school in the 90's! It soon stopped when my mam played merry hell with them

I just cannot believe that ANYONE actually gives a shiny shite about this, it is such a nothing thing to be bothered about.

I am a right handed forker and proud

My carer does this, the using the 'wrong' hand doesn't bother me but he can't cut meat that way, he sort of holds it against the plate with his knife and then pulls with his fork. This I do have a problem with.

If he is buttering bread or cutting bread he uses his right hand so he can obviously use a knife but just doesn't.

Why would you even notice? Why does it even matter? How on earth is it 'basic manners'? How could it possibly hurt, upset or offend you if people eat nicely and politely but happen to be holding their cutlery in the opposite hands to you?

At a formal dinner it can matter, it can make it harder for the servers bringing / retrieving plates or topping up your wine. You can clash elbows, and if the place is set with multiple sets of cutlery you are constantly swapping them and can get the setting mixed if there is more cutlery for one hand than the other eg a cake fork, oyster fork or soup spoon.

When it comes to things like fish knives not all can be used in the left hand. Steak knives are often serrated on one side, and are designed to be used in the right hand.

If this would be fine with you, how far would you expect her to kowtow to her treasured employer's 'requirements'?

I don't think this has anything to do with kowtowing to requirements.

It's a signalling exercise. It's demonstrating to them that you know the rules, can play along, won't embarrass them in front of their superiors.

The British class system is full of tricky and pointless tests like this.

When it comes to things like fish knives not all can be used in the left hand. Steak knives are often serrated on one side, and are designed to be used in the right hand.

This just proves my point that the real issue is discrimination against left handed people! Why design a knife that 1 in 10 people can’t use?

But would it be a subconscious factor when it came to appointing someone to role where client entertaining was important? Possibly. I wouldn’t rule that out.

That’s what I mean. Such a minuscule chance of a decent human being making an irrational choice. Seriously, it’s just not worth worrying about. You’re actually projecting your anxieties onto them. In reality it wouldn’t cross their conscious or subconscious mind! It’s just too ridiculous.

In reality it wouldn’t cross their conscious or subconscious mind! It’s just too ridiculous.

We will have to agree to disagree on that.

^@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll
I might be being unfair here, but you remind me of those Brits who go to Spain and then complain about 'rude' Spaniards speaking Spanish in their own country - have they never been taught correct etiquette that English is the 'polite' language?!^

Couldn't be further from the truth actually - anyone who goes to a non speaking English country and acts all surprised and/or outraged that people are shock, horror speaking their own language in their own country is a knob

But it's two sides of the same coin. Just because somebody chooses to follow their idea of tradition or etiquette (which is fine), doesn't mean that everybody else has to do the same in order to be 'correct'. Maybe a better analogy would be that of a Spaniard ordering two British tourists having a conversation between themselves to do so in Spanish, because "that's the language of our country".

It happens a lot within the UK too - just ask any Welsh speakers who've ever dared to speak their own language between themselves - whether in Wales or anywhere - in the earshot of non-Welsh-speaking strangers. It's frequently met with suspicion and contempt.

Should we go back to the 'good old' times when the Brontes had to publish their books under male names in order to attract any reader interest, because many of their contemporaries believed it to be more 'correct', 'proper' and 'acceptable' for a man to write a book than a woman? "Oh, write your silly little stories if you must, girls - as long as you understand that you've actively chosen to reject good etiquette and social norms."

I do it the "correct way" but in all honesty, the day I notice or sneer at someone else who is doing something perfectly fine (not throwing food around or stabbing at a bit of steak) is the day I'd end it all. And I will be teaching my children not to bend over backwards to appease someone, because they may or may not be useful to them. Especially when they are doing nothing wrong.

Of course manners matter, chew with mouth closed etc. But to control how people use a knife and fork is ridiculous.

It's a signalling exercise. It's demonstrating to them that you know the rules, can play along, won't embarrass them in front of their superiors.

You could say the same of the times when women wore ridiculous, painful corsets, as the rules dictated that they had to have the same sized waists as small children. They knew their place and forewent their own personal comfort in order not to embarrass their husbands in public for having a 'fat' wife.

I get the distinct impression that some people on here really think people are deliberately switching their cutlery over to make a scene, draw attention to themselves or just in a desperate desire to be acknowledged as quirky or eccentric. They'd probably also expect a Muslim or Jewish diner to shut up and eat the pork - or a vegetarian to eat any meat - because the 'important' people have spoken and decided what everybody else must do.

In reality it wouldn’t cross their conscious or subconscious mind! It’s just too ridiculous.

We will have to agree to disagree on that.

Maybe that should have said 'in reality, it shouldn't cross their mind'.

Seriously, somebody getting upset about that needs help. It would be like an adult equivalent of a toddler throwing a tantrum when their biscuit breaks in two (immediately before getting mashed up in their mouth anyway) and they just can't understand that it really makes no difference at all.

My point is that the percentage of useful arseholes is so tiny as to be negligible

I agree and if an employee is in any way really useful to an employer, they're not going to overlook them because they feel more comfortable holding their knives and forks their own way and affecting no-one else in the process.

That's just not how business works!

"Potential candidate number 1 is Jane, She has met all her targets and increased business profits by 50%, she is well liked and the customers always ask to deal with her. She has won employee of the month for the last 9 months"

"Hmm but I did see her once use cutlery the wrong way so better not give her the promotion..."

Damn you Jane. You could have had it all.

InsertFunnyUsername Exactly!

They'd probably also expect a Muslim or Jewish diner to shut up and eat the pork - or a vegetarian to eat any meat - because the 'important' people have spoken and decided what everybody else must do

Um..... again, no of course I wouldn't. It's their religion to not eat pork, and of course I'd respect that. Just like I'd respect somebody's choice to be vegetarian (just like I do every day as I live with a vegan, and that's entirely their choice.)

It's not a religion to hold your knife and fork the wrong way round though.
I suppose it's a choice though like your vegetarian analogy - if you want to keep on doing it knowing it's not the correct way, fine, crack on.
People might think you don't know any better though.

Any more bizarre analogies to defend poor table etiquette?!

This just proves my point that the real issue is discrimination against left handed people! Why design a knife that 1 in 10 people can’t use?

I don't get this. There are things that we all do with just one hand.

The gear lever in a car can't (usually) be used in the right hand in this country, in most of the world it is the opposite way round.

If you ever need to be intubated it will be by someone with a laryngoscope in their left hand and an intubation tube in their right.

I have always eaten like this, yet my 3 siblings and parents all eat the 'correct' way.

All of us are right handed. So I have no idea how it came about that I eat 'wrongly.'

Tried many times when I was a kid to eat the 'correct' way, but I just can't seem to manoeuvre a fork with food on to my mouth with my left-hand!

Having a grand old chuckle at this thread, finding out I must be the uneducated, uncouth, slobby black sheep of the family!!