Using fork in right hand, knife in left..

[AG29]

I am aware it’s meant to be the other way round but I feel most comfortable with my fork in right hand and knife in left. The opposite feels uncomfortable and I was never taught any different growing up. It’s never caused me too many problems. I generally have good table manners.

My OH’s mum is a bit of a nightmare in general. If we eat there (not often thankfully but Christmas next week). She has told me to swap hands before but I don’t feel comfortable that way. To the point I avoid eating there as much as possible. OH reminds me to eat with fork in left if we are going over there too and I’m sick of being spoke to like a child.

Aibu to think they should just leave it be? Does it really matter. It’s not like I’m eating with my bloody hands!

Does anyone remember in 'To Kill the Mockingbird', when the poor boy from the really bad and mad family came to lunch, and Scout cried out when he put maple syrup on his biscuits? I think that was how it went. And Scout got unceremoniously hauled out and dusted down for having been so rude to a guest.

That to me, is teaching your child manners. And grace.

And yes, I do teach my child table etiquette, I'm something of a dragon on it. But if I had to teach between that and grace, I'd rather opt for the latter. And also the understanding that we might think this is the right way of doing things, but for others, there is another, that has been drummed into them as being the right way. There is no one true way, and it never, EVER, says anything about a person other than how they eat their bloody food.

Ok, i’ve asked my dad (he’s an etiquette expert, and has done about a million fine dining /etiquette courses etc):

• according to etiquette, opposite way around is fine, as long as you do observe all the other rules (i.e. knife is for cutting, fork for holding, only fork and spoon go in mouth, etc etc)
• if you have a choice, take a corner seat to avoid elbowing your neighbour. otherwise be mindful that people won’t expect you to have the knife left, fork right

-do the changeover of utensils unobtrusively, without huffing etc all things that should be second nature anyway, and left handed people are used to. a complete non issue

I am right handed but have also always held my fork in my right hand.
I use to get asked if I was left handed a lot when growing up but have always explained that I'm right handed but this feels the most comfortable way to use cutlery.
In the end I started to get annoyed and would add somethings long the lines of "why is it the wrong way round to have your fork in your right hand? I'm eating my food nicely, chewing food with my mouth closed and not spitting every where, who am I hurting but hold my fork in my right hand?"

I haven't been asked this for years 🤔🤣

When I set the table for big family meal I do have to remind myself that they all use their left hand for their fork! Sometimes I lay it out my way and watch with glee when they all swap their cutlery around 🤣

I can not believe this thread has rumbled on for 18 pages!

Sometimes I lay it out my way and watch with glee when they all swap their cutlery around

See, the fact that everyone automatically does that, doesn't that just show that the way you've laid the table out is "wrong" though

I can not believe this thread has rumbled on for 18 pages!

18 pages FRONT AND BACK lol

@FizzyIce

I'm right handed and wear my watch on my right wrist, feels weird to wear it on my left.

God there's some right fucking weirdos on this thread. Anyone would think using your cutlery in the """""wrong""""" hand was akin to dropping your kecks and curling one out in the roasties.

I did a straw poll in a greasy spoon cafe this lunchtime.
Of the 5 people I could see, 4 had the fork in their right hand. One had it in the left.
I also had the fork in the right, so 5/6.

My dad is left handed and as children we were taught to set his cutlery the opposite way to ours. He also had a cheque book that opened the other way. We have left handed scissors in school. Who gives a shit. Only aspiring middle classes that’s who. The upper class know better than to embarrass someone who is a guest and no one else cares. It’s pathetic.

My dad, at school in the 30s and 40s.
My brother at school in the 60s and 70s.

BikeRunSki

I didn't realise the habit persisted into the 70s in some areas. My dad was at school in the 50s/early 60s and allowed to use his left hand. I'm appalled other children were still being subjected to such treatment 20 years later!

I honestly never notice which hands are used for which cutlery. They can't have a lot going on if they actually look and comment on how people eat. If MIL says anything tell her she must be getting forgetful she said that last time. If DH says anything tell him its not a crime and only an ill mannered person would comment anyway.

On reading the title I automatically thought "well that's completely the wrong way round!"
Going by some of the replies a few people do this too.
It's just basic table manners/etiquette, do people not learn them anymore?!
I'd totally think they had never been taught the correct way to hold cutlery growing up rather than it being a so called choice.

Why would you even notice? Why does it even matter? How on earth is it 'basic manners'? How could it possibly hurt, upset or offend you if people eat nicely and politely but happen to be holding their cutlery in the opposite hands to you?

I might be being unfair here, but you remind me of those Brits who go to Spain and then complain about 'rude' Spaniards speaking Spanish in their own country - have they never been taught correct etiquette that English is the 'polite' language?!

Some people really can't understand that there are other just as legitimate ways of doing things apart from their own preference and that everything isn't all about them. It's actually a very narrow-minded way of thinking and, ironically, goes against the basic principles of etiquette, which are intended to make people feel comfortable.

I've always done this and it just feels natural to me. My mum was left-handed but did it the other way. I also wear my watch on the right-hand side. I've never had too much comment as an adult more as a child. I'm not completely ambidextrous but use my left hand far more than most right-handed people for some tasks. I cannot write neatly with it though but I wonder if that is due to practice.

Remind darling MIL that the overarching purpose of etiquette is to make everyone feel at ease.

Then offer to help her get the stick surgically removed from her fundament.

Personally, I'm teaching my children the social norms so it just isn't an issue for them and I never have to worry about them being embarrassed

It's not them who should be embarrassed, it's anyone who judges them for being left-handed!

I wouldn't want my ds to associate with anyone so narrow-minded. And if he did make it to the "upper echelons" of the law or whatever I hope he'd tell them they were judgey prats and needed to get out of the 19th century and into the 21st! Are you JRM?

I can't actually believe some of you think like this, I think you are being goady for effect and I'm falling for it.

I can't actually believe some of you think like this, I think you are being goady for effect and I'm falling for it.

Not at all, I assure you.

At a personal level, as I’ve said, it makes no difference.

However, in more formal settings, like it or not it is the established social etiquette (and obviously lots of that is nonsense, but it is what it is).

Like it or not, certain people do notice (in particular professions and social classes).

Like it or not, those people often have a lot of influence.

It is ENTIRELY up to you what you do with that info. If you want to reject it, great, bully for you.

But as Bertrand says upthread, if I’m going to go against the established etiquette, I’d prefer to do it on purpose than by accident.

LaurieMarlow

I recognise your style now. Were you a candidate on this year's Apprentice, by any chance?

Of course, there will be some people who notice when we use the "wrong" hands, but the vast majority of people won't notice at all. Some of those people who notice will be in a position of influence, but the vast majority will not. Finally, the chances of finding someone who notices, who is in a position to negatively influence, and then actually is small-minded enough to judge is just minuscule!

From my experience, and that also posted here by others, the judgey people are normally those who would like the influence, but don't have it.

Seriously, it's really not worth you getting your knickers in a twist over.

Like it or not, certain people do notice (in particular professions and social classes).

Like it or not, those people often have a lot of influence.

It is ENTIRELY up to you what you do with that info. If you want to reject it, great, bully for you.

Do you feel the same about women who don't want to receive cards and correspondence to 'Mrs John Smith'? Is it OK if they have their own little renegade protests in private, as long as they understand what the 'correct' way is and don't challenge their 'betters' or rock the boat in public by expecting to be able to live their own lives in a way that suits them rather than having to jump and bend to the trivial expectations of others?

I agree that it shouldn’t matter. And going on about it is crass in the extreme. But there are people who notice and judge. They are largely arseholes. But they may be useful arseholes. And I would far rather my children were not put in a position where they can lose out because an arsehole judged them. Knowing stuff is power.

What Bertrand said

It’s not that it’s right or how it should be. We live in an imperfect world and we make our choices in that context.

Do you feel the same about women who don't want to receive cards and correspondence to 'Mrs John Smith'?

I don’t get the analogy I’m afraid.

Technically ‘Mrs John Smith’ is the ‘correct’ way to address a married woman in correspondence, just as technically (according to some people) the ‘correct’ way to eat is right-handed.

If Mrs John Smith or John Smith Esq. were in a position to offer my child a job they wanted, then I would want said child to know the “proper” way so they could decide whether or not to use it.

Technically ‘Mrs John Smith’ is the ‘correct’ way to address a married woman in correspondence, just as technically (according to some people) the ‘correct’ way to eat is right-handed.

My concern is more about professional contexts. I can't imagine a situation where I'd address anyone by any other name than what's appropriate in the office.

However, in certain contexts (like say the military) something like this could come up and yes, I'd want to know what was the socially 'done' thing.