If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

Having one child isn't the same as having multiples so it probably is easier to volunteer if you've only got one. Hooray for the op if she didn't struggle to get out and about with twins. Being made to feel like I had to volunteer would have meant I wouldn't have gone when my twins were smaller. It was a herculean effort just to get out of house with two babies plus anxiety and depression. Talking to other adults was another herculean effort on top of that, let alone cheerfully volunteering. You would think a fellow multiple mum might understand that others may well be struggling behind the scenes but obviously not.

@Onceuponatimethen same as you I’ve done my fair share over the years but there does come a time when enough is enough.
If everyone did a little bit would make it easier for everyone

The thing is that what the OP is asking for is not what we would have called ‘ volunteering’ in the past . We would have called it ‘my turn to help at toddlers’ it was just taken as read , a common courtesy , just something you did .

We helped each other, of course if someone’s Toddler was screaming the hoe house down whilst she tidied up some one would help or takeover isn’t that what normal people do .

Rather ironic that that in a support group because that’s what twins and multiples clubs are, people are not supportive of the group as well as each other .

So chew if no one with multiples helps out at a multiples group then how exactly does the group continue ?

Are they obliged to volunteer?

No. Of course not. So there really isn't anything you can do, is there? I agree that you are annoyed, but you can stop volunteering too, you know.

I used to go to a play group where the only prep was putting out the toys and opening the room. She would slice up the fruit during the playgroup and then the mums would tidy up 10 mins before the end. I’d suggest rethinking how the group itself is run - they definitely should be at least tidying up. I’d also consider not doing the hot drinks and snack if you don’t get more volunteers.

Are people scared that if they volunteer they will have to get involved with the wider aspects of the group?

I agree Over

I just think sometimes people don’t have even that little bit to give and we should try to remember that

We will have to agree to disagree on that. Everyone can do something. We are all busy/ have our own issues.

I have changed my answer now I realise it's just tidying up, doing small jobs etc. I thought the OP was talking about running the whole thing. I do help with the small tasks- I just don't have the headspace for a big commitment right now.

What if the group was able to get a volunteer from outside the group? Not so much for the setting up and tidying away, but the admin, and if there's teas served, maybe someone outside the group would be willing to volunteer for that? The groups I went to were church ones and it was the retired ladies of the church who ran the groups. They were lovely. Or you could talk to an organisation that places volunteers?

I just think, I have done a fair bit of volunteering, but while I had twin toddlers it was one of the times in my life when I needed a bit of help myself. I've given freely of my own time in the past and as others have said, I didn't judge the people I was helping, I was glad to be able to help and I saw myself as getting as much out of it as I put in. Maybe there is someone out there who would feel the same and be willjng to help twin mums? It's a funny one though isn't it because I heard lots of "you shouldn't have them if you can't look after them" type comments regarding mums and children, online and in real life, and I've experienced a lot of judgement and hostility when I was out with the kids when they were little, people seemed very quick to judge if for example one of them was crying or ran off and I had to chase them... I was trying my best to look after my kids, do normal things like go shopping or go to the GP, and I felt as if I was constantly anticipating the next nasty remark about how I couldn't control my kids. So I don't actually know if anyone would want to volunteer to make twin mums a cup of tea. It makes me even more grateful fo the church ladies, who thought we were all deserving of someone making us a cup of tea. It was very kind.

I ended up running our playgroup for a while it was a hideous thankless task. There was a rota and all the two folks on the rota had to do was bring a teatowel to dry the dishes and set up the tea trolley. Every bloody week I ended up doing it myself as invariably they would forget the tea towel or not turn on the urn.

Two incidents meant I just resigned. One - snowy week putting the toys out . Entitled mum arrivs " Wee Johnny likes lots of toys to be out" told her she could help us put out as many toys as she wanted, she continued to sit on her ass doing nothing. Another week it was cancelled due to Monday holiday, I had a mum screaming at me down the phone as she'd walked the 5 minutes to the church.

Those and the mums who always left for school pick up before clear up - even though school pick up wasn't for ages after - and it wasn't enjoyable any more.

Also was scout secretary for a while, each meeting was a veiled attempt to get the few parent members there to volunteer to do more such as setting up fairs etc. Happy to do my bit but didn't want to do these things and felt that other parents who weren't on the committee should be stepping up. Also was the parent helper for most cub outings either me or DH. One time we decided not to as surely must be someone else's turn, the event was cancelled as no parent helpers. People amaze me with their selfishness sometimes.

Now currently I only do occasional volunteering at parkrun which is much less stressful. OP I reckon you should threaten to cancel the group if people won't take their fair turn.

Over, we really will have to agree to disagree. I helped out for years when I had capacity but right now I feel any volunteering / regular commitment might break me.

while I had twin toddlers it was one of the times in my life when I needed a bit of help myself.

This this this this.

I used to take my youngest to such a group on the rare occasions my husband was around to take my oldest to her paid for group that clashed. His work is very inflexible and unpredictable, so this was about one week in six with about one days notice. I was often hassled to join the volunteer rota, but there's no way I could have committed to it. I did help tidy up whenever I was there. To be honest it wasn't a very relaxing group and didn't have a nice vibe with all the harassing for volunteers, plus the building was old and often smelly. My favourite group was at a church hall run entirely by cheerful childfree Church volunteers who made cups of tea and had such relaxing positive energy. It was so welcoming.

ChewChew it's the reason I didn't really do twin groups. I thought what's the point going somewhere that everyone else is as overburdened as me? I got a wee bit of judgement from one or two people at regular baby/toddler groups but most people were nice, and better placed to hold a baby for 2 minutes if I needed a hand.

What’s grimly funny is when the entitled minority whine and complain to volunteers that their service isn’t up to scratch! Dh manned a school bbq once parents got huffy because they had to wait for their burgers and said so. They won’t do that again . My lovely friend ran a guide group her kids didn’t even attend and one couple emailed to critique one of her evening sessions. Unbelievable.

Well I attended a parent run playgroup the mornings before a shift which ran till midnight. To hand over to my childcare I had to leave before the end so obviously didn’t clean up. But it was paid for and I did explain my situation to the organisers. People have different stuff going on. Prior to that I parented for a while in intense pain. I wouldn’t have lifted chairs then either....

I have been a part of this and run playgroups. It’s fun and busy and all part of getting stuck in. The issue is you advertise and invite people in to attend and play at playgroup. That’s it. It’s a once a week gang out when folk can make it. If they can.
Maybe talk personally to individuals or share at a time during one playgroup that you need more volunteers, help with setup or , more buy in from people. See what people think. Are they willing to buy in and invest slightly more to your community or do they just want to show up when they want to?
If you advertise it as “show up when you can” then people do just that. But if it’s a community and group you want to do life with, run together and get heavily involved then that’s different and there’s more buy in. I’ve done church ones where the common denominator is church and church community. That alone gives people reason to buy in. What do you offer as a group other than meeting once a week? You need to know what you are running and why. Why should people give you more time etc. Time is precious and it counts. Maybe do some kind talking to parents and more investigating OP.

This thread has been a real insight into how self-absorbed and entitled some people really are

This is not a revelation to those of us who have been involved in all manner of volunteering to benefit others through the years.

The thing is that what the OP is asking for is not what we would have called ‘ volunteering’ in the past . We would have called it ‘my turn to help at toddlers’ it was just taken as read , a common courtesy , just something you did

Exactly. It was an expectation of helping out. It's not Volunteering with a capital V. But apparently doing your share for a few minutes so that a valuable resource continues to run is too much to ask now.

It’s a revelation how martyred and angry some people are harbouring unspoken expectation of others
Expecting others to chip in and subsequently getting huffy when there’s not a mass of volunteers chomping at the bit. Do note volunteering is mandatory it is optional. Not volunteering doesn’t render one self-absorbed and entitled
Deeming others to be self-absorbed and entitled if they don’t mirror your behaviour and values is an unfortunate set of assumptions

You really would sit there whilst others clearing up around you at a community type event?! I think you are actually my fil !

Good morning Taylor see you are still casting aspersions and labouring a tired point

Better a tired point than a weak one!

My analysis drawn over the last 9 years of being someone who helps with community groups is that there are always a hardcore few people who do help. The rest just don't see it as their responsibility and most probably won't care that much if the group is there or not because they may not actually value community groups at all. They will use them if they are there but will just shrug if they are not.

Those people who do help have a sense of duty and responsibility, they see themselves as part of a wider community. They will probably be helping with every group they are connected to! You need to find those people and give up trying to engage the others!! The helpers will be there in every new group of parents you have and your job is to find them and welcome them and encourage them.

Being busy etc is a bit of a red herring, everyone is busy it's just some people make time and some don't. Some people prioritise helping and some don't. The people who don't help are not busier or have more personal responsibilities than those who do, they are just making different choices.