If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

Red get over yourself. I'll enjoy a nice book. Ta ta

We constantly get emails from our brownie leader asking for volunteers. They have a rota of parents for helping. I can never do it because I can’t get home from work in time. Should my daughter miss out because I can’t volunteer? I tend to do things like offering to pay for extras, craft materials and stuff but I can’t give my time.

Nobody is going to make me feel guilty because of that.

You read that book, quietly reflect why you have simmering resentment to public and how that will impact upon your ability to work .
Most people have propensity to change, if you work through your conscious and unconscious bias you’ll emerge more resilient
I wish you well @redngreentinsle

Minty that’s fine , of course you can’t help your working hours and by offering other help you are helping in a different way.

@MintyMabel of course not.
But you have to understand that if a Brownie leader is using a Parent rota, she needs extra adults to be within adult:child ratios. This is why she is asking, not because she is demanding EVERYONE has to help. Just enough people have to help to keep the group safe. If she had enough regular helpers, I doubt very much she would ask. What do you suggest she does? A parent rota is usually a last resort to keeping a group going. If you can't help, fine, but don't have a go because she is asking.

I go to a local playgroup run by volunteers, I go every week and have done for 3 years it's been running, I don't volunteer as it's not something I want to do, I pay for attending, supply arts and craft stuff and promote the group, I've also got my sister volunteering as it's something she loves to do and my dad who visited often to see his grandchildren now acts as the handyman for it but no chance would I ever volunteer

I dunno if you are sitting there whilst your peer group scurry around doing the grunt work does seem abit odd for it not to dawn in you that just maybe you might need to pitch in? Not rocket science is it

@BookWitch

You misunderstood. It’s the posters here piling on the guilt, attitudes like the OP’s. Brownie leader is lovely about it and happy to have some extra funds.

I think that’s a different scenario in the playgroup set up the non helpers are literally sitting there being waited on by the volunteers I can see that getting pretty old fast - if you at work when your kids at brownies it’s not the same

I think some of the posters are missing a vital point - the playgroup serves a particular set of parents and kids, presumably the parents go so that they can socialise with fellow parents of multiples. It's not just a run of the mill playgroup.

The OP and/or committee have asked for help, 20 minutes a term (? a year?) which is not an unreasonable ask. £2.50 will barely cover the rental, I expect the twins+ club subsidises the playgroup as well as all the other services it provides for parents of multiples in the area.

I’m on the committee for our village playgroup. FWIW I have a 4 year old at school and a VERY clingy non walking 21 month old, work part time and have various other demands on my time. It is a big commitment, so I fully understand why someone would not want to do it every week. The playgroup we run has coffee, tea, biscuits, fruit, loads of toys, we have free play the a story and craft afterwards. We ask for £1 per family and it costs £10 per session to hire the hall and sometimes we don’t get £10. Yet the entitlement of some parents at the group is ridiculous. So on that basis YANBU.

I agree though that people may have other volunteer commitments that you may not be aware of. I have never volunteered for school events/PTA because I find the idea daunting but unless those parents have toddlers, they don’t know that I help run the toddler group! You can’t do everything... etc.

OP, I don’t understand the level of hostility some posters have demonstrated towards your post. Obviously not everyone wants, or is able, to volunteer to help with groups and activities from which they and/or their children benefit, but I’d hope everyone who participates at least is grateful for or acknowledges the time and effort that those who do volunteer put in. From some of the posts on this thread, though, it seems that isn’t the case!

I used to volunteer to clear up after a group, I was the only one. I didn't get in free. My child was over tired by then and it was tricky as he cried when I went out of the room to put toys away. The lady running it was so OCD nothing I did was good enough, and believe me I tried. She scared anyone from even putting stuff into a box as she had a special way it had to go. I mainly tried within reason but for time and sanity ignored some things and got on best I could. I had to do a lot of heavy lifting as she couldn't as she was older.

I did for about a year, I liked the group and I've missed it, but didn't return after the summer as I felt too put upon. Plus I went to help out to clean toys and she complained about how wet things were constantly. Well she did nothing but stand over us, whilst me and one other volunteer cleaned hundred of toys. I believe one of the groups was axed after I left due to lack of volunteers ie me, to tidy away.

The OCD lady ran two groups same morning, so set up was others, I think they held keys, but the way she arranged things was too much work and could of been simpler, not so many tables and chairs out. Young children mainly played on the floor, the tables were too high for them. I get adults need chairs but not 60 chairs for a group of 20.

So are you intimidating?

Conversely I don’t understand the hostility to those who don’t volunteer
Parents who don’t volunteer have been called
Cheeky fuckers
Lazy
Horrible
Lacking in a awareness
Entitled
Argumentative
...if this is the perceived ill judged opinion the volunteers have of non volunteers it’ll be evident in interactions

I wouldn't be thinking I'm special but I'd be out off volunteering by your attitude.

That’s why your own playgroup with pals is best guaranteed good company you’re friends so everyone helps and you don’t get lumbered with waiting on snooty randoms

Yes you get to be lumbered with snooty randoms that you know

HRTFT

There is a playgroup near me OP where your child only gets a space if you volunteer. So literally everyone helps out, and that means everyone only has to help once every couple of months and there’s always at least 5 helpers. So it’s a very very limited task. There are some people who do more (maintaining the helpers rota for a start!), I don’t know how those roles get filled but I guess some people are happy to do more.

Maybe you could switch to that model?

Alternatively ask for more cash and have paid helpers.

Also, have you actually said to parents that the group will close if nobody volunteers? Sometimes it takes that spelled out for people to pull their finger out.

They’re not randoms though that’s the whole point they’re friends - that way everyone held out and if you ain’t a friend and are a freeloader you’re not included or invited. Happy days.

Yes you’ve mentioned this a few times on thread,I see no one has queried it
Essentially you’re floridly describing a planned meet up

RedLipstick if you were at a group and other people started to help clear away, would you just leave, as you paid your fee to go and clearing away wasn't stipulated in the fee, or you would you just muck in with the rest to get things sorted quicker?

I leave,as does the majority, without cleaning,clearing away
This is what everyone does,there’s never been a request to tidy up,or stay behind

If you were at a school play and the teachers asked if some parents could stay behind and help clear up the hall, would you leave as that wasn't the deal when you came to watch the play?

Maybe they have tougher/other things going on in their lives? Time poor? Not good at stuff like that? Gosh - so many!

I leave,as does the majority, without cleaning,clearing away
This is what everyone does,there’s never been a request to tidy up,or stay behind

so you think others are happy to tidy up and clean for you? Do you really believe you are doing them a favour to give them something to do to occupy their day or something?

For the life of me I cannot comprehend this attitude. Is that how you raise your kids? Go to friends, to parties, to groups and make sure you do not lift a finger to help? Charming.