To be upset that he Lied to me about Christmas gift

[nosleepisevident]

This is going to sound very petty but I'm furious. The last couple of months has been tight in regards to money with 3 out of 4 birthdays in an 8 week period before christmas and 2 emergency dentist appointments. I've got about £11 until Friday. I knew that DP had some more money as we'd done the finances (ha) a couple of weeks ago. And asked to borrow some a couple of days ago, he said he did not and when I asked him where the money had gone he said he's bought me w Christmas present. I left it and told him that it was silly to do so before Christmas and should've waited until payday. He made me promise not to open the gift so of course I said I wouldn't. Said present has just arrived 3 days later and is in v think packaging. It's obviously a PS4 game that he's bought for himself I even compared sizes from his other games and it's from cex. It wouldn't be for me as I have 0 interest in games. I'm furious the he's lied to my face am I over reacting

@goodluckhun that’s not really fair. Don’t you think the DH is looking after the children at the weekend whilst the OP works? Therefore they both ,like most other parents, do a 7 day week by your reckoning.

@nosleepisevident no he shouldn’t have lied to you. But I can’t see how separate finances work in a family. No one should have more disposable income than anyone else. Do you have to buy everything for the DC too?

When you’re depressed doing practical things like gardening and housework can actually help. Why does he think being depressed gives him a get out care for all the things he doesn’t fancy?

After bills rent and food I have about £150 a month maybe and he'll have about £350

This is insane. Are your a family or not?

It is both of your responsibility to pay child care so saying you only work weekends to save HIM from paying child care is bullshit.

Apparently not, @Butterflyflower1234.
If you read OP's actual words, instead of your preferred spin on the subject, you will see that she works weekends because SHE cannot afford childcare - her DP is oblivious to that specific resonsibility.

I would be really cross

However. Why separate finances? You’ve got kids together. It should be 50/50.

lieing about a video game is the least of your problems - he's taking you for a complete mug....get yourself a good christmas present - lose him , he's a leach you are carrying the complete load......

or he steps up and is a real partner - you pay money in proportion to income - or all money is together and you get equal spends....

his children are his responsibility as much as yours....get youself a better job and you bth pay for childcare...wtf does he do whilst your parents are looking after his children?

he shoudl be wanting t be with his DC - is this good for them being visually shown that their father doesnt want to be with them??

how are they going to describe their childhood.......? you have the chance to change that description , you obviously are a hard worker with studying/working & young DC -dont waste it

@LoonyLunaLoo that’s not really fair. Don’t you think the DH is looking after the children at the weekend whilst the OP works? Therefore they both ,like most other parents, do a 7 day week by your reckoning.

Did you miss the bit where he doesn't look after the kids on the weekend?!!

I feel so sorry for you @nosleepisevident

Ignore Butterflyflower1234 the precious penis protector

OP are you now realising how unfair on you this all is? As a pp says you cannot carry everybody and most of the finances.

@MarianaMoatedGrange ahhh yes! I remember this poster now, always defending the mens

@Butterflyflower1234 spout your shit somewhere else! Funny how nobody is agreeing with you

I do everything for him and the kids from the moment they wake up until they go to bed all of the housework and cooking and gardening and I feel so resentful which I know I shouldn't as he just cries in bed and can barely stay awake so I've let him keep more money

Fair enough to look after him but I still don’t see why him having depression means he’s entitled to extra money as well as lots of care from you.

That doesn’t make sense. Are you avoiding discussing it because of his depression? That’s very convenient for him....

While I’m sorry he has depression, he does sound selfish. He’s a liar too. He knew you wouldn’t like the real answer so made up a load of crap to deceive you.

You sound fed up. Perhaps this lie was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Put yourself and your children first. After the Xmas rush, have a think about your relationship - not what you ‘have to do’, but what you want to do.

My DH and I kept our separate bank accounts when we got together, but opened a joint account for all household costs. He puts more into that than I do, as he earns more than I do.

OP, as you have children at home, you should have a joint account for family and household expenses, with dp putting in a lot more than you. Not only because he earns more, but because your weeklong childcare should be recognised.

But definitely do not give up your own accounts. He sounds very selfish, and I must say dishonest, and would spend shared money on toys for himself.

Depression is not an excuse for everything and anything. If you were diagnosed with depression would he suddenly bend over backwards to make life exactly as you would like it?

If you're only working two days a week you should not be coming up with 50% of the household costs! And ironically if you do go back to work, the nursery costs should be a shared cost, the children are his as well as yours.

Don’t you think the DH is looking after the children at the weekend whilst the OP works?

OP has said he does not, and he also does not to anything else for the family.

Don’t you think the DH is looking after the children at the weekend whilst the OP works?

No we don't, because we read the thread. He does fuck all.

If he earns more than you , you shouldn't be splitting everything 50:50. Seems unfair on you

@LoonyLunaLoo
Her parents look after the children whilst she works. He does nothing.

Ask him to urgently ‘borrow’ £30 and then go and buy him a Christmas present. Something really nice that you’ve been wanting for ages.

Enjoy watching his face when he unwraps it.

When you are both calm it’s time for a major rethink about your finances and general set up.

I am sorry you are in this situation. My dp has depression, but is an equal parent. We share all commitments.

How do you know he didn't buy your present and buy himself a computer game?

Thanks for all of your messages, it's been nice to hear that I'm not just over reacting and being dramatic. I've had a friend come over this afternoon as I'm just feeling a bit down in the dumps and I'm definitely going to say something tonight, maybe about everything I'm not so sure yet. We did used to have more fluid finances but DP would end up spending most of the money so we decided to lend if we needed to give to each other to give him some more responsibility (hahaha) I just really hate arguing and am a people pleaser but I'm going to have to buck up a bit

@Focalpoint he said it was coming today and I'd have to sign for it and it was from cex and everything fit the bill for the Xbox game.

Like others have said all money gets pooled then all expenses extracted before an equal amount of spending money is divided up- leaving a slush fund for emergencies such as dental- child needs etc.

At the moment you are being financially abused.

I would be furious tbh

What’s his plan? Give you this game and say “oh it’s something we can both play with”

I would say thank you, and take it straight back to CEX for the cash and buy something else you want.

Let him face that