To be upset that he Lied to me about Christmas gift

[nosleepisevident]

This is going to sound very petty but I'm furious. The last couple of months has been tight in regards to money with 3 out of 4 birthdays in an 8 week period before christmas and 2 emergency dentist appointments. I've got about £11 until Friday. I knew that DP had some more money as we'd done the finances (ha) a couple of weeks ago. And asked to borrow some a couple of days ago, he said he did not and when I asked him where the money had gone he said he's bought me w Christmas present. I left it and told him that it was silly to do so before Christmas and should've waited until payday. He made me promise not to open the gift so of course I said I wouldn't. Said present has just arrived 3 days later and is in v think packaging. It's obviously a PS4 game that he's bought for himself I even compared sizes from his other games and it's from cex. It wouldn't be for me as I have 0 interest in games. I'm furious the he's lied to my face am I over reacting

Why does he have £200 a month more than you? Do you think that's fair?

Do you realise you're being financially abused OP?

no he earns more than me as he works mon-fri and I work sat-sun to avoid nursery costs. After bills rent and food I have about £150 a month maybe and he'll have about £350

What the actual fuck have I just read??

The nursery costs are up to you to avoid? Seriously?

@Butterflyflower1234 it's the size of a psvita game which is much smaller as it's for a handheld game but are also cross compatible with playstation4. There's no way it's about half the size of a dvd and don't think anything else is coming because he asked me to stay in so I could in to sign for the one parcel not 2 he said he was tracking it and it was due to come today so ifwas in 2 then he'd have told me

He earns more than you and yet you split bills 50:50? Is that right?

That needs to stop for a start, you need to share costs according to your income. If he earns 25% (as an example) more than you then he needs to pay 25% more of the bills! I can't believe what I've just read

I've just read that you only work two days a week yet your DP works full time. Give him a break.

Why isn’t he working sat-sun to avoid nursery costs?
Get a mon-fri job and tell him he needs to stump up half the childcare.

He only pays 50% of bills even though you only work 2 days a week and he works 5? Are you shitting me? And he let you pay for the dentist out of your part time job money? What a disgusting pig of a man.

@EsmeSwan, try it yourself and let us know how you get on.

I've just read that you only work two days a week yet your DP works full time. Give him a break

Are you having a fucking laugh?

I've just read that you only work two days a week yet your DP works full time. Give him a break.

Did you read the reason why at all?

Hopefully the selfish spending on himself AND the lie will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back and makes you address this nonsense of him having more money than you

With regards to the game, I’d open it to avoid any mistake - then say “how the fuck is this for me, you lying bastard?”

@Butterflyflower1234 are you deliberately trying to be a dick?

So if you work part time or (heaven forbid) are a sahm you should "give him a break" when your dh lies to your? So if he's worked full time for a few years what does he get then - a free pass for an affair? I can't believe what I read on here sometimes.

Does he have form to lie ?

would you have been planning to buy him a xmas present? if so wrap what you have just received, and at least thats one saving you have made, in the unopened packaging, i hate this sort of lieing, all he had to say when you first asked was sorry i just (stupidly)spent my last £30 or whatever it was online..its the fact he tried to make you feel guilty he didnt have any money as he spent it on you,

@Butterflyflower1234 only because I can't afford Childcare for a one year old and 3 year old. My 3 year old gets funding in January and I'll be able to another day a week and I do evening classes so not like I'm not doing anything

This isn't fair sweetheart. You basically work 7 days a week; 5 looking after your children and then 2 over the weekend whilst he works Mon - Fri safe in the knowledge that his children are looked after and he gets his weekends off? And he then gets more disposable income despite you proving the bulk of domestic/childcare labour and working all weekend? NO. Absolutely not.

It doesn't sound like a fair set up for you, it sounds like you are getting a really raw deal here, AND made to feel guilty and bad for questioning it. Having children should be a shared cost, not something you alone shoulder the responsibility for sorting out and working around. I think you need to have a proper discussion over family finances, perhaps everything pooled with you both having £200 each or something? I feel really sad for your situation as you deserve better.

OP, stop being taken for a mug.
He needs to be paying a higher percentage of the bills. If you're a partnership why are you not sharing the spending money 50/50?
It's irrelevant how many hours he works.
My DH provides about 90% of our income but I definitely spend more than he does each month on things for me.
I'd stop letting your DH get away with his childish sulking for starters.

Ask for the receipt so it can be returned immediately.

@LifeSpectator exactly if he'd have admitted it I'd have been mardy for half an hour then fine, it's the lying and unfortunately I've had all Christmas presents wrapped and tucked away for the past 4 weeks so no saving there

BalsamicVin yeah Butterfly has form, if I remember rightly.

Yes I am being serious. It is both of your responsibility to pay child care so saying you only work weekends to save HIM from paying child care is bullshit. Why are women so reliant on men financially?

I agree I can't understand why bills are 50/50 if he earns more.

How old are the dc? I would be getting in to full time ASAP and splitting the childcare costs with him, don't be dependent on this man, he does not see you as an equal.

This isn't fair sweetheart. You basically work 7 days a week; 5 looking after your children and then 2 over the weekend whilst he works Mon - Fri safe in the knowledge that his children are looked after and he gets his weekends off?

The man also works 7 days a week. 5 at work and 2 looking after the kids while OP works. Presumably he also looks after them while she is at evening classes. It doesnt seem like an unfair division of labour but is an unfair division of finances.