Another Christmas dinner one...

[Piccalino3]

A sense check please...

One of my husbands family members is coming to us on Christmas Eve afternoon and wants to stay for Christmas lunch the next day. She needs to leave at 3.30pm on Christmas Day to get to one of her relatives as she's getting a lift and there's no transport, it's far away.

We always have a really relaxed Christmas morning and a big breakfast with baileys etc. I have 3 young children and feel constantly stressed with timings and rushing around etc so I really don't want to feel stressed on Christmas Day knowing I have to have dinner on the table at 2pm or she won't get a chance to eat. We often eat at 4 or 5pm or whenever dinner is ready. It's nice and relaxed and I enjoy it.

AIBU to feel annoyed about this? I've asked my husband to sort it weeks ago but there's not really any options unless she doesn't eat with us. I just wanted one day to relax and enjoy myself without the constant pressure of clock watching. I do everything for Christmas, so annoyed that my husband just doesn't seem to get it. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Ultimately I'll likely end up sucking it up and being resentful.

Does it really matter if you have dinner a bit earlier than usual? Last year we ended up eating at an awkward time because one of our guests had to take his child back to his mum’s. It was annoying but I’d never have one of our guests miss Christmas dinner

I suppose the question is how do I not be resentful at having to be rushed and stressed as usual?

Resentful about cooking a dinner at a time that suits your husband first child?

Can SD get a taxi at her convenience rather than relying on a lift?

I think the problem here is in your last para - you do everything and you’re feeling resentful. Sort that bit out, get some help with the emotional load.

How about you have Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve. Fancy breakfast on Christmas Day and then a relaxed buffet kind of lunch on Christmas Day that is far easier to plan and not so stressful timing wise? All events happen and it's not as pressured for you? Obviously OH and step daughter can help still so it isn't all falling to you

Such vicious responses!

The OP's SD is 29.
The OP has 3 young children.
She's come on here looking for advice on how to juggle it all.

I don't think it is unreasonable for her to want the day to not be rushed and stressed.

I would hate to be clock watching re the lunch.

OP, your husband needs to step up.
He sounds lazy.
You sound tired.

I agree with the suggestion that you speak to your SD and see what works.

If she would really like an early lunch.
Hand it over to your husband and her to prep as much as possible the night before.

Also, apply as many shortcuts and bought ready bits that will help.

The children will be up early so make the lunch option work for you by making it as simple as possible.

You sound tired
Try not to let this stress you too much.
It's only a lunch after all.

On the positive side, once they are all fed, you get to put your feet up for a bit.

Take care💐

@billy1966 if @Piccalino3 had come on and said SD and she was 29,she would have got a lot of different and more helpful posts.Op dropped 2 massive dripfeeds.

Yeah the dripfeeds haven't helped here. Tbh OP when you said adult child I thought you meant about 20, still not independent type situation. I can see why you wouldn't necessarily want to prioritise a 29 year old who hasn't given this much thought having the day she wants ahead of your convenience, rest and traditions. Especially if she and your DH have essentially agreed between them something that requires you to put the work in to pull it off.

If there has to be restrictions then get DH to sort the dinner. You relax after breakfast and let him do the timings

Now she's 29...

Goodness your DH must be old to have several babies

I don't honestly believe anything you say now, you have lied by omission throughout the whole thread.

29 BTW makes no difference, she is juggling houses to see you all at Christmas. Guaranteed there would not be so much angst about a close friend you had invited or one of your DC's.

Mmm... yummy a plated Christmas dinner to heat up and eat all on my own.

@BillieEilish why on Earth don't you believe me? How have I lied?? I posted on here to get some advice/perspective. I didn't want to give every detail in case it was outing. I didn't purposely drip feed but saw that some more information would help. You also said 29 didn't matter - which is one of the reasons I didn't post her age in the first place.

I've been out with my 3 kids all day doing a Christmas activity so haven't read all the replies but I've seen that I've been called a bitch, an evil stepmother, my husband is old (yes he's in his 50's, thanks for reminding me) amongst other things. Is it any wonder people don't give all the information straight away? I'm not a bad person but I'm tired and fed up of running around and really wanted a relaxing Christmas Day. I did post on AIBU and lots of people clearly think that I am which is fine, I can take it.

About to do bath and bed now so will sit down later and read through this properly as I see there was lots of good advice and suggestions too.

Why don't you do the main hot meal at lunchtime (noon ish) ?
Then have leftover meat and a small buffet style dinner at 5/6pm?
Problem solved. 😊

And definitely try to include her if it's a child (even if they're grown up! Lol)

Right, we have the facts.

YABVU.

DSD (29) is visiting Christmas Eve to see us and her siblings. She wants to stay for Christmas lunch with us (DH and 3xsmall DC's)

I want to have lunch later than 1.30 and she has to leave at 3.30 as has a lift. AIBU to not include her in Christmas lunch?

She won't be having lunch at her mothers as she is here.

EVERYONE...
YABVU

Simple OP to state situation accurately.

Not the point of the thread but please do tell what this breakfast is that you can only have on Christmas day! I might want it myself. Is it pancakes smothered with Bailey's cream and dates? God that sounds good, I might have that anyway.

Surely her mother could keep her a dinner to microwave when she arrives. She could have the big breakfast at yours to keep her going. Alternatively what food will you have on Christmas Eve? Couldn't you keep some over for her to heat up and eat just before she leaves on Christmas Day? There isn't a hope I'd have a turkey cooked and on the table by 2pm. Ok so she wouldn't get to sit around having Christmas dinner with everyone else, but she's made a choice to travel on Christmas Day. She's an adult and could have chosen to stay with you til Boxing Day and alternate next year.

Your husband is the unreasonable one here; why the hell doesn’t he help?

My brother having to leave after lunch on Christmas Day. At 1.30pm!!

Not ideal but for me christmas isn’t about the food... it’s about family. And my beloved brother isn’t leaving at 1.30 to spite me. He’s has to go.

So I’ll make it work, and if that means a lighter earlier breakfast followed by a very early Christmas lunch... so be it.

You've been given a really hard time OP.

My Mum and I always prep the lunch on Xmas Eve. It started when I was a teen and she fell ill one Xmas so we all pitched in and it has become one of our traditions. We drink champagne, listen to festive music and have lots of fun. It also means that Xmas day is considerably more relaxed. Perhaps you and your family could make this part of your Xmas? Just a thought.

Prep your Christmas dinner now. My freezer is full of:-

pigs in blankets - raw and ready to cook
Roast potatoes - par boiled and tossed in oil
Parsnips- same as potatoes
Stuffing - raw just cook on the day
Bread sauce - cooked just reheat on the day
Gravy - in freezer ready

There's a way around the stress if you want there to be!

Yeah, the unreasonable one here is the DH.

@BillieElish

Not everyone has said she is unreasonable, actually.

OP, you should say they can have Christmas dinner earlier, but only if everyone chips in and it's a joint effort. That should be the case anyway. It might not be as good as if you made it but there are two other adults that are capable of peeling and chopping vegetables etc.

BillieEilish not every one thinks she is being unreasonable.

I think a luxury brunch with a bit of fizz and a late dinner is perfectly acceptable.

I have a dd25 who thinks the world resolves around her too!

Keepaddingpets does it really taste the same though? I’m considering doing JO chicken wing gravy the day before but think it might taste a bit stale?