Another Christmas dinner one...

[Piccalino3]

A sense check please...

One of my husbands family members is coming to us on Christmas Eve afternoon and wants to stay for Christmas lunch the next day. She needs to leave at 3.30pm on Christmas Day to get to one of her relatives as she's getting a lift and there's no transport, it's far away.

We always have a really relaxed Christmas morning and a big breakfast with baileys etc. I have 3 young children and feel constantly stressed with timings and rushing around etc so I really don't want to feel stressed on Christmas Day knowing I have to have dinner on the table at 2pm or she won't get a chance to eat. We often eat at 4 or 5pm or whenever dinner is ready. It's nice and relaxed and I enjoy it.

AIBU to feel annoyed about this? I've asked my husband to sort it weeks ago but there's not really any options unless she doesn't eat with us. I just wanted one day to relax and enjoy myself without the constant pressure of clock watching. I do everything for Christmas, so annoyed that my husband just doesn't seem to get it. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Ultimately I'll likely end up sucking it up and being resentful.

Having read she is your DSD, as like other posters I assumed some distant great aunt, I think she needs to be included for dinner.

It’s annoying to fit everything into a short space of time but to minimise the stress, I would just get up earlier on Christmas Day or either prep everything possible in the days beforehand or buy readymade so you just pop in the oven.

Perhaps arrange with your DH that in future your DSD stays later or else she does her trip in reverse so comes to your house on Christmas Day after staying at her mum’s and potentially benefits from two big meals.

Maybe give her the choice OP???

If she helps you prep on Christmas Eve then you can make it work for her. But she needs to pull her weight OR her mum saves her a Christmas dinner.

Then for next year id make it clear to all involved well in advance that your family eats at x o clock on Christmas Day and they can organise things around that.

Have a lovely Christmas

We k the turkey the night before and slice it to reheat for dinner (I tend to find Turkey a bit dry so reheat it in gravy to keep it moist). Everything prepped the night before just needing cooking. No need to overdo it you can have extra latter.

Could you do your lovely breakfast on Christmas Eve, adapt your tradition?
Give dh a micro managed list of things to do and when, any whining will not be put up with.

Get your DH to help.I bet if it was one of your own dc you would move the lunch.

Get everything done the night before,fling in oven.Dinner at 1.Off she goes at 3.30,fed and watered.

Get up Boxing Day and have your leisurely breakfast.

I’d do Christmas dinner early so she can eat with you. Get DH to pull his weight.

To be honest op I'd get the lunch ready for 2 as it's your dsd. As someone who has a dsd also, I know it can be really important to make her feel a part of our family but also how sometimes that can change plans which can be hard, especially this time of year. Get your dh to help - very important, get dsd to entertain the dc if possible, or help too, everyone needs to pitch in. It will be worth it when you all have dinner together and you can have a nice breakfast the next day

What a poor attitude OP. It really is not a big deal to shift your timings slightly so your step daughter can eat Christmas lunch with one of her families. Don't be so precious - Christmas is about family and friends not your perfect schedule.

I wouldn’t move dinner time, if she misses it that’s not your fault she has to leave at 3.30. But I would make sure she knows in advance so she can change her plans if she wants to.

Have a big breakfast on Boxing Day and do your lunch earlier. It's not that hard. Merry Christmas to you too

Sticking to a "tradition" is meaningless, if it means you are deliberately leaving someone out.

Suck it up this year, and return to your tradition next year.

Id just change a meal around, move chrustmas dinner to xmas eve evening, save stress on xmas day by enjoying lovely leftovers instead of cooking all day. We have had to do this if one of us is working christmas day and its fine, infact nicer in some ways

Pretty dick move op you knew what you were doing making out time was a distant relative like an aunt to get different answers. It's his daughters shes as much as part of you're dh family as you're dc and should be treated with the same respect as such. As someone said prep everything before hand the night before its really not that hard. Dont be one of those spiteful step moms.

Thanks all. I hadn't really thought about prepping the night before. I could task DH and stepdaughter with doing that the night before while I sit with the baby and Baileys! We never prep the night before because by then I want to collapse and claw back a bit of enjoyment of Christmas as the work is done, however if they can do it that would make a big difference to the next day. Really helpful suggestion and not sure why it isn't cross my mind before!

Maybe this year you could have a lovely big Christmas Tea? Lots of cold Turkey ,pickles ,Baileys and cheeses .Also dinner all done .So just relax ! Its difficult for stepchildren really, and if your children like her ,then they will want her for Dinner too!As a wise old friend said to me once "Christmas is a moveable feast" Dont get too hung upon how things have "always been" Circumstances change all the time really.

Maybe have the big Christmas dinner Christmas Eve.You can then have your traditional breakfast like you normally do.

How far is her mum's? Can't your DH drive her after dinner? If she's not eating there what is the rush. If he wanted to drink he should have been more organised!

How old is adult? 19 is different to 28 etc. Seems odd to me for an adult to split xmas day.

You cant expected t your husbands daughter to not have Christmas lunch as her parents decided to split up. As coming from a split family there is guilt as an adult child as who you spend time with. It's hard esp at christmas.

This year I want stress free too, so I'm cooking everything except roast pots and meat the day before. It will all be heated and taste exactly the same on the day. No mess, no work, lovely christmas day....yay!

You can let her and dh know you are looking forward the the xmas dinner they will cooking for you all in time for her to eat before her departure. Sorted!

My parents died in 2001 and 2003, and at first I wanted to hang on to anything to do with them, including traditions, and keeping unimportant things that had belonged to them. As time passed, I imagined what they'd have said if I'd asked them what they thought. It was always "Don't be silly, get rid of it/ do something different". It's obvious you love your stepdaughter, and it's important she has a lovely day, so I'd say have toast for breakfast, maybe with special jam/ marmalade. Cook your dinner for 1pm, so she isn't rushing off straight away, Drink a toast to your Mum and Dad with Baileys after dinner. As others have said, involve everyone with helping. Boxing Day, when it's not time critical, have your special breakfast, and treasure your memories of your parents. Next year you might be able to go back to your normal routine. But trust me... your Mum and Dad wouldn't want you stressing because this year things have to be different.
Do you prepare everything the day before? If not, that would help.

She's an adult so likely has a preference herself - has she given one?
If she's happy with a big brunch, and then snacks for the long journey to her mums (with a plate put aside for when she gets there presumably), then no problems.
If she'd prefer to have Christmas dinner with her dad, half siblings and you - then I think you AND your DH should do your best for that to happen. But it shouldn't stress you out so much - rope in both her and DH to help with the prep, and maybe consider moving the big breakfast to Boxing Day if it makes life easier.
Christmas is about family - the food and presents are nice, but not what makes it special. Personally, I'd much prefer having everyone at Christmas Dinner - but then in my family the main event is dinner, not breakfast - we generally have something pretty simple for breakfast as the kitchen is usually occupied with the dinner prep! We do have a big breakfast on boxing day, as it's usually the only meal as the rest is picking at leftovers!

Your husband should be the one to cook her food, since he is the one that left things poorly organised. You're right, you deserve a day off.

As its not a random family guest, but a dsd, I'd move the fancy breakfast to boxing day and do lunch at 1.30.
Because nothing says your dads new family are the most important to him like not getting a christmas dinner with either of your parents because his new partner doesn't know when it will be ready tbh

This (I am afraid)

You need to move your Christmas lunch.

I'd do it for a random family member never mind my dh's daughter, sibling to my children.

Don't allow your martyr status cloud your thinking here.

Why can't her mother serve dinner later?
I am in awe of people who say Christmas lunch will be served at 1pm (an hour after breakfast here!) or 3pm or whatever specific time. In every house where I've ever spent Christmas, the turkey rules - when he's ready, we're ready!