Another Christmas dinner one...

[Piccalino3]

A sense check please...

One of my husbands family members is coming to us on Christmas Eve afternoon and wants to stay for Christmas lunch the next day. She needs to leave at 3.30pm on Christmas Day to get to one of her relatives as she's getting a lift and there's no transport, it's far away.

We always have a really relaxed Christmas morning and a big breakfast with baileys etc. I have 3 young children and feel constantly stressed with timings and rushing around etc so I really don't want to feel stressed on Christmas Day knowing I have to have dinner on the table at 2pm or she won't get a chance to eat. We often eat at 4 or 5pm or whenever dinner is ready. It's nice and relaxed and I enjoy it.

AIBU to feel annoyed about this? I've asked my husband to sort it weeks ago but there's not really any options unless she doesn't eat with us. I just wanted one day to relax and enjoy myself without the constant pressure of clock watching. I do everything for Christmas, so annoyed that my husband just doesn't seem to get it. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Ultimately I'll likely end up sucking it up and being resentful.

kathy1213 the time you put it in the over dictates the time 'he's ready'

You can have your breakfast at 9 and eat at 1.30. Stuff and prep turkey the night before. Peel everything, ditto. Pre do things like red cabbage, burssels a bacon, par boil potatoes and carrots, parsnips. Then just whack it all in the oven at about 9.30. Take out at 12,30. Rest it under foils and blankies. Whack up oven to do roasties, greens, microwave ready done stuff, make decent gravy. By 1.15 you are ready to rock. Throw food on table. I would recommend that you do your lovely breakfast as a boxing day treat. The worst bit is the last forty minutes cos I'm somewhat befuddled by fizz but still got to organise the blessed bird and its little helpers. I generally forget something in the oven....

why don't you just call her and talk to her about it. My grown up son is leaving around 2 to pick up his girlfriend and drive to her dad's. We just had a chat and i told him it would really be a rush to get dinner ready before he left. He understood completely and we've agreed I'm going to pack them up a nice lunch hamper. If you set your dilemma out to her you may find she's perfectly happy with a nice big breakfast & they can save her a dinner wherever she's going when she leaves your place.

Making Christmas dinner is hard and it's ready when it's ready, unless more people want to help

OK it really isn't. It is a roast dinner with a few extra bits. yes you can make it impossible (on another thread I read about someone cooking 7 veg, how do you even do that? suacepans?? gas rings??) but really it is fairly straightforward.

we always do veg the day before. Just think about your day and timings, so I no longer wrap on Christmas Eve, I will be wrapping this weekend. 23rd I will tidy the house, ready for 25th. Morning of 24th I'll do the veg and tirkey prep.
then evening of 23rd and 24th I can sit around and chill, and drink baileys etc. Then morning of 25th I can just keep sticking things into the oven.

Your parents traditions are lovely, but they don't superscede living people. Put in a new tradition, one for this family.

I actually foudn with small children the day went so much better if we ate at vaguely normal times anyway

Fact it’s daughter does change things. I’m sure her ideal would be her mum and dad together and one Christmas lunch at whatever time. Instead she’s having to travel and potentially missing lunch at both houses. I’d do lunch early however that is accomplished- them prepping, more ready made stuff etc. She and your children will remember she was there not what you had. In a few years if your now young adult children are in same position of swapping between divorced parents I’m sure you’d hope new partner would be kind to them.
Those who say do Xmas eve instead it’s a working day. I’m always a bit surprised so many seem to have it off.

How old is the daughter?

We never prep the night before because by then I want to collapse and claw back a bit of enjoyment of Christmas
Honestly, how are you making Christmas THIS much hard work? Collapse? Get over yourself man, what are you ACTUALLY doing? And if your DP isn't stepping up to the mark get him told and stop being a martyr about it.

Why doesn't her mother move her dinner time, why does it have to be you? From a site who thinks it's weird of the main meal of the day is at lunchtime rather than evening I'm just wondering if it's a pop at the dreaded step mother again why doesn't the daughter do her mother's first and get 2 Christmas dinners even?

As for the husband. He needs to learn how to do things. If he fucks it up then he needs practice. Why put yourself through the stress?

Can her mother not plate her up her dinner? Honestly, this doesn't have to be hard.

Those who say do Xmas eve instead it’s a working day. I’m always a bit surprised so many seem to have it off

I know, I bloody dont! And neither does husband. Do people actually get it off anymore?

Stick to your guns! Don’t change to accommodate someone else. Your home your rules.

I'd tell her that you don't do Christmas lunch in your house, you do Christmas dinner so although she won't be there for the turkey dinner she'll get a nice brunch and won't go hungry. She shouldn't assume that you are having your Christmas meal at lunchtime because that's what she does/is used too. You shouldn't have to change your day and your plans to accommodate one person.

Stepdaughter is 29, from what I understand the mums husband is going to work in the evening so that's why she is going there for the evening and they will have dinner together earlier. It's a 1.5 hour drive each way.

Oh M8.

Outrageous dripfeed!

And you hasn't really thought about the option of prepping the night before? Bollox

Yabu and you know it, hence the drip.

Everyone is different, we eat by 1.30 usually , so I will understand if she thinks it's rude to say tough it's ready later

If work patterns allow for it then I'd recommend doing the main meal on Christmas Eve so you can all be together. You can then have the special Christmas Day breakfast and she gets to take part before she leaves for her Mum's. You then have a fridge full of leftovers so you can put your feet up and chill all day.

For a random family member (eg aunt, etc) who has invited themselves, you wouldn’t be unreasonably.
For a daughter/son, very unreasonable. It isn’t their fault that their parents separated and it isn’t odd for them to want to be able to see them both on Christmas Day. I used to have the opposite problem to your step daughter, both of my parents wanted a full Christmas dinner with me, one at lunchtime and one in the evening, I used to end up more stuffed than the turkey!

For the sake of making her feel valued, and getting the opportunity to have Christmas dinner as a whole family, of course you could move it by an hour or two.

Those who say do Xmas eve instead it’s a working day. I’m always a bit surprised so many seem to have it off

well, there are school age or smaller children in htis house, so it isn't all that unreasonable to assume that they might be home with one parent on christmas eve.

Couple of options that I could think of

1. is there no way dsd can swap the day around and do her mothers first and you guys second, that way she gets 2 dinners plus from your last post, she would get to eat with mums partner too.

2. can you not do dinner later and your dh take her to her mums later on? It might be inconvenient for him but it is not that bad of a drive as a one off for Christmas, plus it serves him right for not sorting anything sooner.

3. can’t her mum just save her some dinner for when she gets there? Do your breakfast, she leaves at 3 and has dinner that her mum has saved?

Piccalino3 my eldest dd is like this. She is home on Thursday (flying back from Middle East where she lives) and the two days here will have to revolve around her, me dropping her off at friends, getting her nails done, eating out at her fav restaurant - we will be paying, then she’ll get dropped back off at airport. I’ll do it because I won’t see her untill March when we go and visit. But I’ve had to put my foot down in the past when it just didn’t work for us as a family.

However in your case I’d focus on a luxury brunch. Lots of Instagram opportunities and push on with your late dinner.

Because honestly she won’t give a shit if your rushing around or changing the whole day for her.

I think YANBU.

Why can't DH cook?

Or why can't DSD leave earlier to get to her mum's in time for Xmas dinner?

Stop being a martyr and say something!

She´s 29?

Maybe there could be a new tradition of dad and daughter making Christmas dinner together? I used to do this with my dad whilst my mum was at work - and it was lovely having the radio on and pottering around in the kitchen together. That way, you get to concentrate on the smaller kids and DH gets some time with his daughter. Everyone gets included and fed ...

A big game changer for me was when I started cooking the turkey the night before.

I then steam it to heat it so it's not dry. It's honestly just the same and takes a lot of stress out of the day.

Can you message said person and just say dinner wont be until 6 but you will make sure breakfast is good?

I'd do this. There is no way I'd change my entire established routine for one person.

I'd give her the option of having Christmas dinner at yours on the condition that she and your DH help prepare it. Or if they won't/don't want to help feed everyone they can accept it will be done to timings to suit the cook.